Going Nuts, Maybe?

The other day I did something I thought I would never ever in a million trillion years do.  

Some will question my sanity.  

Others will wonder what I was smoking (though I've never smoked anything, but pork in the smoker before, and I'm pretty sure that does not count).  

Still others will have a giggle, then turn around and have an all out gossip session wondering what the heck is going on at the Carlisle Home at the next spanking bloggers convention (I know that does not really exist, but it would be a cool thing if it did.)   

Okay, moving right along....

But I'm about to bare my soul here, so I'll just pretend you all will get your bless her little hearts out, have a quick gossip session at my expense and move on.  

So, two mornings ago, I went nuts.

At least, I think I did.  I'm not a 100 percent sure what going nuts looks like, but I'm pretty sure I did.

Right before I was to be paddled, I said something I never thought I'd say.

I know what you're thinking.  I sassed off, right?  

Nope!  Been there, done that!  Got the t-shirt.

Got rude?

Geez, you folks give me absolutely no credit whatsoever!

What kind of people are you out there anyway?

I see you smirking!

I can be good.  I really can.  I just am rarely good for the whole cotton picking day.   (I hate saying that out loud, humph!)

But that is not the point of this blog post.

Wait!  Where was I going with that?

Okay, I'm good.  I remember now.....

The point is I asked Hoss to do something that I can in all good conscience, barely say what I asked, but need to share with you just to see if I truly did flip my lid.

I asked him to stop....

Using the cheese board.

I know, I know....  What?  Why? 

That's not your place....

It's his favorite implement right now.

LIKE ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE!'

We all know this, right?

It packs a good thud, leaves a sting, nice red bottom.  All good criteria for an excellent spanking.

But folks, it was not cutting it!  

No, I have not lost my marbles even though I'm sure a few of you think so, especially when I tell you what else I said.

Drum roll, please.....

IaskedhimtogobacktoBertha!

What do you mean you cannot read that tiny print?

Here....Try this....

Hmm...still not working for you?  

I admitted to what I did and I'm done now.  

FINE!

Stop your fussing, I can hear you already.  

Sorry, this whole baring my soul thing is making me cranky.

Oh, you want me to say it a bit louder, so you can see it?

Clearing my throat now....

IaskedhimtogobacktoBertha!

Really, folks, you still are not getting it, are you?

I asked him to go back to BERTHA!'

Oops, sorry, I really did not mean to yell it!

Let me interrupt this blog post to welcome those who are just joining us here in blogland.  I asked my sweet man to go from using this:

To using this again!

Okay, back to our regular blog post.

So, I asked him this respectfully because the cheese, well, Bea as you all know her, just was not cutting it.

I know, here it comes, this chick has flipped, right?

Nope, actually I have not.

See the problem with Bea "the Cheese" is that she hurts in the moment.  But the sting does not really last.  

Now, you all know what I'm talking about.  The little twinge you get when you sit down that reminds you that you've been spanked.  The after burn, I guess is what it is called.

Bertha does that for me.  And as much as I hate to admit it.  I have missed that feeling.  And so I asked Hoss to please spank me with Bertha.  

There, I said it nicely and calmly.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy or nuts, even though I'm sure a few of you questioned my sanity, hoped I had something gossip worthy to enjoy....

But I have a feeling, that I am not alone in where I "sit" right now.  Otherwise, you probably would not be on a spanking blog, would you?

True?

Let me hear some, "Amens!"

Anyway, it's none of my business why you're here exactly, but glad to have you visiting.

So I wanted to end the blog post right there, but Hoss said, "Uh uh! No way!  That's a cliffhanger, you have to say what happened."

So I'm obliged, as Hoss was so obliged.

I know he looked a little dumbfounded at my statement, then that grin.  That wonderful ear to ear grin.

Butterflies tumbling all over themselves, as I handed Bertha to him.

Hoss took Bertha (a little too eagerly in my opinion) and said, "It's been a long time, old friend."

Geez, really?  Let me not interrupt your moment, Buddy.  

(No, I did not say that out loud, I'm crazy, not stupid!  I just thought it, REALLY REALLY LOUD!)

Yes, that spanking happened.  Did it feel good in the moment?

Duh, folks, that spanking hurt.  Like really, really hurt.  

And it was only maintenance.

But it worked.

Now, I know what you are wondering.  

Come on....I know you want to ask....

I was wondering the exact same thing.

And, yes, you all, I felt like an old friend had come to visit too.

--Baker

Maintenanc-a-pline

Maintenanc-a-pline.  What?  You’ve never heard of that before.  Come on now….Really?  I mean doesn’t your husband like to make up words as much as mine?  Pfff!  Well, you all are definitely missing out.  NOT!

Well, to be completely honest, I had not heard it before Hoss used it either. My sweet husband decided upon that word many months ago.  See around here maintenance (not that I particularly like that word) happens fairly frequently.  Almost daily I would say.  I asked for it, it helps me to be reset.  Less stressed.  Come to think of it, it is actually more for stress relief because um, I have this thing called a short fuse.  

Wait, that’s not quite right.  I’m more of on a slow simmer most days.  When I cannot function at super woman capacity, I kind of get, let’s call it crabby.  Hoss, would call it something else, but let’s just pretend, for the purpose of this blog, that grouchy is an appropriate word and move on.  The thing is, we are so busy, and when the kids do not pitch in to help, I tend to bellow rather than react calmly.  I also do this to, Hoss, but not near as much as I used to.  

See this is where I’ve overstepped my boundaries and Hoss has to step in and deal with undesirable behavior from me.  He does not particularly like the word punishment though funishment is acceptable.  He likes the word discipline, but well, sometimes, discipline cannot be doled out when it happens and maintenance is going to happen anyway so maintenanc-a-pline it is.  It doesn’t really matter to me the word so much as it hurts like the dickens either way I look at it.  So basically, to summarize is maintenanc-a-pline is when maintenance marries discipline because maintenance was going to happen anyway and there is a discipline hanging out there waiting to happen, so let's just join the two in holy matrimony and move on.

So the other morning I had worked myself into quite the maintenanc-a-pline.  I knew it was coming.  I’d been sick with a sinus infection and toothache for several days and though I had been pretty much incapacitated for at least three days, I knew my bum would lose it’s spank-free status at some point.  I mean, geez, a girl can only be good so long, right?

Well, not according to Hoss.  He decided a healthy dose of maintenanc-a-pline was in order for not doing my check-ins throughout the day and then I sort of lost it on him momentarily when trying to explain a frustration I was having with one of the kids.  Please do not get me wrong.  I am allowed to share my frustrations, but talking over him, arguing or not being willing to listen to his point never goes over well here.  He sees that as disrespectful and I agree, it most definitely is...At least I didn’t sigh or cover my ears or better yet, turn my back and ignore him.  I know, I know, that would not help the situation.  Well, I know now it doesn’t help at all, but I digress.

So yesterday morning I had the opportunity to experience “the Cheese”.  Yes, I know, you all had wonderful and lovely creative suggestions, but he went with his own word... again.  I know, HOH and all that, but good grief, let’s “bea” more original, fella.  What is so unique about “the cheese”, but he likes it and well, it’s his cheeseboard, so what’s a girl to do?  Yes, just choose not to pick that battle and let it die before it starts.

Where was I?  That’s right.  I had a painful….er….I mean enlightening experience with the cheese board that left me sitting tenderly for a bit.  I still think it is crazy that being paddled can actually make me so compliant, but not like a forced compliance.  It is more of a heart change.  I went from being a crabby, complaining wife, to his sweet, adoring wife in the time it takes to experience a much overdue spanking.  I love feeling like that!  Well, everything, but my bum likes it!  I ended up having a fairly stress free day and enjoyed our kids and Hoss last night.  I know that maintenanc-a-pline is not easy to get through, but once it is over it’s a cure all for me.  My heart felt lighter than it had in days.  Now, that is a win all the way around if you ask me.

Hope your Thursday is a great one!

--Baker

** My apologies, sweet friends,I have been away far too long. I looked at my last post this morning and was shocked to see it had been almost three weeks since I last posted.  I have been in and around blogland briefly, but only commenting occasionally.  Life just feels like it’s happening at the speed of sound and I am always lagging behind.  But never fear, soccer season is almost over here and I hope to be back to posting more regularly!