Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Dom or HOH?

When we first started DD over two years ago, we really had no understanding of truely all of the wordage that is out there in regards to TTWD.  I had no idea I was a TiH or Taken In Hand.  A submissive?  That definitely would not have described me, Biblically or otherwise.  I stumbled over the words until I came to ones I was comfortable with before even talking with Hoss about all of these ideas.  I’m not even sure now if I suggested I was a TiH he would know what that word means.
Now, around here Hoss is the Head of Household and, in private, will refer to himself as my HOH.  This I find interesting, but it is how he views himself in our relationship and to be honest I find it very hot.  Now, the other word out there we all hear a lot is the word Dom.  Now, I’m pretty sure that Hoss does not see himself as my Dom, but we do use that word here, but more in the verb form.

I will often ask him to “Dom” me when I am feeling out of control or feel a need to be close to him.  It may not be the right word choice for some, but it works here for us.  I know he is my leader or HOH, but when he doms me it feels different.  It’s almost a more intimate time for us.  I love to say he is dominating me, but in our day to day relationship that is not how it works.  Or at least that is not how I describe it.

Is anyone besides me completely confused here?  I am, well maybe.  I feel like doming me is more of a feeling I get when he is close and I desire him to tell me exactly what to do and how to do it.  When he is in leader mode it’s all household duties, kid related activities and more businesslike as we manage our household and raise our children.  So maybe I’m not so confused as much as unsure if we are using the correct words here.  Not that it matters, except it does in my own mind.  I’m pretty sure Hoss does not think it is important at all.  It’s just titles after all, in a way anyways.
So, I guess my question to each of you is (you know there was one in there somewheres), how do you describe your significant other, your life partner, your soul mate?  Is the person your HOH or your Dom?  Do you see a difference by your use of titles or not?

Anyway, just me, being curious.

--Baker

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Team I Vs. Team We

When Hoss and I were newly married I had a tendency to always say mine instead of ours.  Or I would refer to his side of the family instead of saying our family.  When we would argue I would have often say, “I can do this,” instead of, “we can do this.”  I know that it sounds like Baker is tripping over her words here, but let me see if I can explain better.

This is a typical discussion scenario we would have had pre-DD. 

Hoss: “We need to get the kids ready to go, we’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on.”

Baker: “Yeah, I’ll go get them ready.”

Hoss: “What can I do to help?”

Baker: “I don’t know.  I’ll do it.”

Hoss: “I can help.”

Baker: “Fine (said in a disgruntled voice)...I’ll send Kid X down with the clothes, you can get the little ones dressed.”

Fast forward half an hour and kids are dressed and we are ready to go. 

Hoss: “I’m going to go start the car.  Anything else we need to do before we leave?”

Baker: “No, I got it.”  

I, all by my little lonesome, would then spend the next ten minutes checking the diaper bag, shutting bedroom doors, turning off lights, fixing a snack to take, etc.  Note he only would say I when referring to a direct thing he alone could do.  Not so with me.  I was always the one always trying to be the martyr following on her sword to be the one to do EVERYTHING.

So I excluded him.  I treated him like he was incapable on many, many things.  I say this, even though it embarrasses me greatly to admit that I treated my sweet man so poorly.  I say this because it’s so much better now.  There is very little of this “I” team, it’s a whole lot more of Team We.

The reason I even bring this up is because I was away from my family for a conference for four days.  I had gone with my bestie and another friend we both know.  I did not know the other friend all that well, and she reminded me so much of my former self it was amazing.  She belittled her husband while on the phone while we were in the room, referred to him as another one of her kids, expressed many negative things about him.  Very rarely did we hear her say anything that positive about him. 
Folks, it made my heart hurt.  It reminded me of all of those years we wasted not being Team We.  I am keenly aware whenever I say “I” now.  I make sure I refer to either family as our family unless I need to specify as in Hoss’ mom instead of mine.  Also, we work as a team often making sure everyone is ready before walking out the door.  By doing this he is a stronger leader for our family.  He has always been the leader, but in title only.  Now, he truly is the HOH and we both prefer it that way.
I am still not the best at making sure I use the appropriate words, but I am much better.  DD has helped us considerably be more of Team We than Team I, and for that we are quite grateful.  Thank you, my sweet Hoss, for showing me the difference.

--Baker


Friday, June 15, 2018

The Lion Sleeps Tonight



A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh

In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle the quiet jungle
The lion sleeps tonight

This song is such an ear worm, but I kid you not it applies to my post.  Well, sort of!  

Have you ever sat and wondered about bloggers?  Like what kind of person they present themselves to be on their blog is only a portion of what they are in real life, but it is that mere glimpse into his or her life that typically intrigues us to keep reading.  Maybe that person is close to your age or seems to have likes that correlate with yours.  Or maybe their personality resonates with you.  Whatever the reason, I find that we can truly learn so much from what that person shares on his or her blog posts.
That being said, I also think it’s fun to imagine other bloggers in the realm of what kind of animal each one is….I know quirky, but such an interesting concept.  So in the spirit of fun, I ask you to guess what I’m going to call my spirit animal.  What do you think I am really like in real day to day life. Also, explain what characteristics of the chosen animal you think I share with them because 
that's just part of the fun.  If you are feeling so inclined, share what you to believe Hoss to be as well.
When I have heard from enough of my readers I will share what I believe my spirit animal to be with all of you.  Bloggers, anyone care to join me?  Put up your own post inviting your readers to guess your inner spirit animal.  Solet’s let out a roar or a mousey squeak and share what kind of animal do you think I am?  

So get to posting and have a great weekend everyone!

--Baker (and Hoss)

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Throwback Thursday...A Thought Provoking Question....

It's Throwback Thursday and this little post from February 2017 is a one that still causes me to pause and consider at least every so often.  The funny thing is the other morning I did try getting a few whacks in on my sweetie....let's just say his bums are of steel, mine are of flab and my hand hurt after one swat.  Obviously, he won that little wresting match!  Enjoy the throwback question and please answer...maybe if you commented the first time this was asked you may have a different response.  A year can make quite the difference you know....

A Thought Provoking Question....
Originally posted: February 26, 2017

My sweet Hoss and I were talking awhile back and he asked me a very thought provoking question. Now, I wish to ask it to each of you.  Whether you are a frequent flyer (reader or blogger) or if this is your first time here, I would love it if you would take a moment to respond.  His question really made me pause and think....
 If your significant other (in our case this would be Hoss) had brought ttwd/dd to you, would you have agreed to participate?  So basically, Hoss asked me, if he had been the one to want to pursue ttwd/dd would I have agreed to participate?


So, dear friends, I am encouraging each one of you to please, if you read this, to respond.   I really want to know what you all think on this subject.  My sweet man took a great risk and leap of faith to say yes to this lifestyle.  I'm curious if the rest of you, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you have reacted?  Had it been the other way around would you have gone along with this wild and crazy ride?  I know I told Hoss I would.

And for those of you where it was just an original part of the plan (ie you knew before you got hitched or got together) how did you respond?  Did it take time for you to adjust?  Were you an eager and willing participant from the get go?

So, folks, flood the blog with your take on this question.  There's really no wrong answer to this question, so have at it.  I'd really love to hear your opinions!  Thanks!

Thanks, so much to Windy for her suggestion of rerunning this particular Throwback Thursday post!
--Baker

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Maintaining

From the archives of Baker that have yet to be published.  Please realize things have DRASTICALLY improved since I wrote this, but folks, some things still need to be said.  Somethings are too important to be forgotten in the lost archives.  So here is a post on a rough patch we were going through at the end of April..

We, women, are funny creatures.  We tend to want what we want when we want it, say what we want to say, how we want to say it, and such like that.  The thing is sometimes we want something so badly and then when it’s right there in our grasp we push it away, deeming ourselves not worthy or wanting to continue to control so not allowing ourselves to let go, or even just doubting ourselves.
We are, our own worst enemies. Those voices that needle us into not taking a position we want, getting involved in a relationship, or even following our big dream.  I applaud those of you who put your neck out there time and time again.  PK Corey inspires me whenever I read any of her Cassie or Cal books because she waited until her 50s to publish her first book.  That takes a lot of guts, folks!
Others of you are willing to try new things in your relationships and dive deeper knowing full well you may love or hate it, but will do anything because your partner has asked you to.
Now, why is Baker acting all sentimental and almost morose?  Because I’m struggling a bit right now, folks.  When I struggle I tend to mull things over and become reflective.  Hoss and I are good, but there is something that is bothering me and it is not something I am processing through very quickly.  It’s actually a slow process with me as we are very busy here.  I know I’m always saying that, but it just remains true.
We are just finding time a hard thing to manage right now.  We try.  Honestly, we do, but it keeps ticking away and things slip when we do not have spare minutes in the day.  So one of the biggest things that has slipped is maintenance.  For us, it is a great way to slow things down.  Show our commitment to one another and experience an intimate time together.  When we oversleep or are over busy or just plain too tired that good feeling  slips a bit more each day.  I struggle with the voices in my head and often those in my heart.  Hoss feels he has let me down.  The cycle deepens each day we do not have time to reconnect.
When we find ourselves in this cycle, we fight it at first, and then resign to the fact it just may be awhile before that reconnect can happen.  Then this awful thing happens to my heart.  It puts up those stupid walls again.  I deny it at first, but when it continues to occur, well, I just say, “it is what it is,” and keep going.  Hoss just gets up each day and keeps going, reminding me of my importance and his love and devotion to me and the kids.  But today I’m really pondering this...I know things will be better when we have time to reconnect, but until then I will continue to think things through, wish things will slow down a bit, and keep myself busy, uber busy. 
Also, I would like to add that when we do not connect daily, I begin to fight the reconnect time.  I know, absolutely silly of me, but I do.  I let hormones and voices and control creep back in.  I struggle and fight with myself to keep my voice respectful and my attitude light.  It can be so hard.  I am constantly craving a reset and fighting it at the same time. Hoss commented the other morning that he feels I’m self sabotaging the time we do have together in the mornings by sleeping in late.  Me thinks he’s on to me!  And after reading this he will most definitely know that I have been, sort of reluctant, to submit myself to a reset.  I like control and maybe, subconsciously, I am finding myself too tired and overworked, so that I do not have to submit to him.  See what I mean?  Us, women, we are are soooo good at not accepting what we need, even if what we need will make us feel better.
Please understand, the fact that I’m writing at all, just to get some of this out, means to me that I am finding it harder to process this in my own head, so I need to spill it out on paper.
It also reminds me that others out there are struggling with hard feelings too.

When I reach out, it’s to help to comfort (not that I am much comfort being all morose and all) and find support for myself and others.

Realize you all are not alone in your busyness.  This is just a season of life you are going through.

You are not alone in the longing for that connection.  Your loving HOH wants it too.
Your voices can be calmed if you give up control.  That means submitting and truly giving up that control.

Until then you are only doing your best, right here, right now.  Things will slow down and you will be back into your routine with your HOH soon.

It will take time to return to the good routine, that loving connection, and feeling that release of all those voices.  But when it happens it will be good again.  You just have to maintain until it happens.  I say this for you as much for myself.  Hang in there, everyone, it will be all good, soon.

Much love,
Baker

P.S. As I said above, all is good...not just good.  Fantabulous!

Thursday, May 31, 2018

I'm Still Here and Throwback Thursday Post!

It seems every time I get on here the last few months it’s to apologize for my absence.  This one truly could not be helped.  I’d told a few other bloggers I was taking an unofficial sabbatical (too stinking bad it was not paid!).  Maybe a better term would have been a self imposed time out!  Anyway, I just could not find it in me to blog and worse yet, in my mind, is I did not want to blog.  
I lurked when I could and commented even less.  I apologize, but I just did not want to be in blogland.  I do not mean for that to sound rude.  It’s not any of you, just me...us.  Hoss and I are doing some re-prioritizing and my focus needs to be more on our home and children.  I was also finishing a large project that took what little reserves I had left.  My attitude has not been stellar lately.  I don’t like deadlines, but I needed this one.  Thankfully that project is done.  

I am feeling much better and now I’m ready to creep back in slowly and enjoy Blogland again.  I also treated myself to a wonderful new book.  Maybe you all have heard of it?  Educating Jenny by Ms. PK Corey.  It’s her third book in the series of Cal’s Law books.  If you want a good read, I’d highly recommend it.  I love the progress of the story line from book to book and I truly wish more authors would consider writing more serial style books on one couple.  It's like blogging where we can see the progress in an individual couple.
Other than that excellent book, I’ve not even been sure what to blog about.  I told a few that my muse has left me.  Well, thank you to PK and Nora Jean (with a little additional shove out the door by Amy) I am ready to post a Throwback Thursday post.  I hope you all enjoy it!  

By the way, Nora Jean, I’ve only blogged for 19 months.  I still feel sometimes as if I am toddling about and have no idea what I'm doing while the pros are still cranking out interesting and entertaining posts regularly.

So without further ado...a post I wrote last spring..


When Did...?
May 5, 2017

Not so many moons ago we started this little adventure and as I was pondering things this morning I came up with the reality that I have no idea when things changed.  I’m certain it was and is the same for most of you as well.  So, here is a bit of my wandering thoughts.

When did Hoss become a spanko?  Like when did that happen?  My sweet man who has always treated me like a prize (and continues to do so) and would never hurt me has become, a spanko.  Now, you ask, how do I know this? Well, the man gets a certain twinkle in his eyes when he or I mention words like Bertha, Senor Loopy or Sid.  He smiles wide and is at peace just by saying one of their names calmly to himself.  Yes, my friends, when did this wonderful man find his inner spanko.  As the old Tootsie Pop commercial says, “The World May Never Know!”  


I still love the tootsie pop commercial from when I was a kid.

When did this go from something I wanted. to something we both crave?  I’d love to know when that transition occurred.  It started out as something to help me feel complete and it evolved into something so much more than just being about me and my needs.  It became about him, me, us.  It strengthened our resolve to not be a statistic.  To cherish one another daily.  

Well, not exactly that kind of craving, but well....

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?  It was something to help our marriage, yes.  But when did it become where I meet him at the door excited to see him.  No, not Ward and June Cleaver stuff, but definitely something that is more affirming, more romantic, more intimate. Where I know he is in charge and it makes my heart beat faster just thinking of him.  


Awww!!

When did the spankings make things go from, “Hey, I’ll do this for you, but I don’t want to hurt you,” to “Hey, get over here, I’m going to spank some sense into you?”  Like, seriously, when did that happen?  I want to know when he went from spank carefully, my wife is fragile, to spank happy man? There are days I want Mr. Spank Carefully to return.  Geez.
This one speaks for itself.

When did once in awhile “exercise” become apart of the daily routine.  It “came’ quickly, I’d say.  Let’s just leave that one alone, why don’t we…..

Duh, no brainer.

When did the focus change from individual, do your own thing, to checking in and making sure we were both good with our plans.  That need to be connected daily and when the connection is not there it is not ignored, but felt deeply.  And knowing there is a way to improve it.


When did we become so connected?  I never remember allowing myself to feel so deeply and yet feel so much more myself at the same time.  Our connection has grown, but I also feel like we are both still so uniquely individual, but more of who we were before, if that make sense.  It as though by being a stronger couple we are allowed the freedom to be more of who we are as individuals as well.

When did I allow myself this vulnerability?  I have always been such an independent woman.  Even as a little girl I “didn’t need any help” and yet now I crave his help.  I want and value his input and wisdom.  In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I’ve allowed him to be affirmed in his role as my protector and leader than ever before.


I could not choose between the two of these, so I'm giving you both.


When did all of these things happen?  I do not know, but I’m so thankful they did.



I could go on, but I’m also very curious from the rest of you out there.  When did….(fill in the blank) happen?  I’d love to hear from everyone who stops in, even if you do not have a when did, please feel free to just say, “Hi.”  Thanks again for reading.

Thanks for reading!  I hope everyone enjoyed this throwback Thursday, I sure did!  It definitely gave me the kick in the butt to get going again.  A special thanks to Windy, Amy, and Lindy for listening to all of my wishy washy, indecisive chatter on the subject of "to blog or not to blog."  Now, I remember why....thanks everyone!

--Baker



  

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Second DD Anniversary

Hoss and I began DD around our real anniversary two years ago.  So I just thought I'd drop in and say we could not be happier with the results.  We have grown slowly over these past two years and there have been more benefits than we first imagined.  The best part is we have grown closer together and felt more in tune with one another.  I will say there are still rough days or difficult patches.  We are still dealing with lots of kiddos in our home.  Sometimes that makes things extremely difficult to always incorporate DD like we would really like, but the fact that we are still improving, still learning and moving forward is definitely wonderful.

So, to the love of my life, I thank you, Hoss, for being the man you are for me and the kiddos.  I love you more than words can ever express.


Truly bless and thankful!  Have a great rest of your week, everyone!

--Baker