Saturday, January 21, 2017

Crooked Halo Week For Me!

Everyone knows that I am not an angel, right?  Well, in case you were in doubt, I would like to share the following story with you all, so you know just how far from an angel I can be at times.
The other night I was feeling put out.  The why and how is private, but it was not in direct correlation with my husband or children, but something I was mulling over and needing to think through.  When I need to think I become very quiet, very reserved. 
My sassiness is usually hidden and I am just for all sake of appearances sad and distant to everyone. This was not intentional distancing, just how I like to process things.  My man knew I was upset and offered to cuddle with me.  I refused saying I was tired.  So much would have been resolved if I had just snuggled up and cuddled right then.  
The next morning I did purposely distance myself from him as I just wanted to be alone.   After a bit of emailing back and forth with a friend I was able to sort out my thoughts and feel better.  Really the whole issue did not warrant any distancing, but the other issue that came up was that I had sort of had a lie of omission to my sweet man by telling him nothing was wrong.  It was not something I had thought about until my friend that was helping me process “got me to thinking”, so when Hoss came home from work I told him. He also called it a lie from the very beginning and requested I acknowledge it as such.  I begged to differ slightly, why I do that I do not know, but the paddle came out and within a mere few swats my repentant attitude was quick to come.  So, though that was a bit tough to go through, it all ended well. Cuddling and a nice evening at home. 
I was good all day Wednesday and we were able to go out for a nice date night whilst the kids were at church.  The problem was the next morning.  I was upended over his lap while he was doing a maintenance spanking and he started naming off a few items he wanted me to add to my list for the day.  Um, okay.  I do not know about the rest of you, but I do not remember too much about what he is telling me during the middle of a spanking.  I can sometimes manage a snide remark or two, which I did, but remember something for later, hmmm, I’m being spanked here!  All of  my concentration is on just getting through.  So, in all seriousness, I do not recommend suggesting you say you are planning to take a pen and notebook to a spanking session to take notes.  

Take my word for it, choose your words carefully when your man is wielding a paddle and your naked backside is already being paddled.  I'm guessing my timing was off a bit with that suggestion. 

Better yet, do not get up from said spanking and proceed to get into an argument with the spanker.  I had asked a simple question, he kind of was in my opinion, rather rude with his answer, and I snapped a bit.  Okay, a lot!  Goodness gracious, I said I’m not a perfect angel here.  I pretty much told him there is no way in the world I should be expected to remember so many details.  Guess who, got paddled again?  Yes, you guessed it.  Me.  Sigh, I wish sometimes I could just slap a piece of tape over my mouth. or perhaps do something like zip that imaginary zipper we used as kids to remind us to be quiet.
Did the second spanking dissipate my snarky attitude you ask?  Hmmm, let’s say no to that and move on. I was on a roll, people, and not a good one at that.  I did manage to cook breakfast and get him out the door without anymore conflict, but just barely.

Did I manage to stay out of trouble the rest of the day?  Um, no.  He sent me a text reminding me that my list/schedule was due by ten.
I texted him I had just dropped off our youngest at PreK.  I was late dropping him off.  So, he sent a text back about being 11 minutes late.  Nope, my reply was I was only 10 minutes late.  I did not count the minute it took me to come back out to the van and text him.  So, his next text reminded me not to be a smarty pants.  Did I listen, folks?  (hanging my head in shame here).  
No, I did not.  My reply when I sent him my schedule, I’m 36 minutes early.  I know you all are thinking, way to poke the bear, Baker!

So, I was kind of having a rough day and he was being patient.  How he puts up with me when I am in a mood like this, I do not know.
I can be very “obstinate” sometimes.  Well, he took care of that attitude promptly when he returned home and all was right again.  That spanking did the trick.  Well, that and a sweet friend reminding me my bum could not take much more today, so to just quiet myself down and submit.  Anyone, else have times like that, where one spanking does not remedy the attitude, no matter how much you (or your loving spouse) wish it did?  
Yup, crooked halo week for me!  Oh, spank heavens, I'm so thankful to be back with a straightened halo to start my weekend.  At least, one can only hope it stays straight.


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

My Gratitude

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful suggestions on my last post.  Writing the post helped me process my feelings and help set my mind straight.  As usual I was overthinking things too much. Submission was happening, learning to submit more is happening, and following his lead is happening.  I just underestimate myself sometimes and feel I am not doing enough to show him submission.  Yes, there are many ways I need to improve, but I tend to put a lot of internal pressure on myself to constantly do better.  As I said, I need to pay more attention to the ebb and flow of things and not read so much into it.  If I stumble, it is okay.  My man does not expect perfection.  Those feelings come from me and me alone.  So, I just wanted to thank all who took the time to comment and to let you all know that your wise words were valued here and much appreciated.

One of the things I took from several of you was that submission is a gift.  It is something I can give my husband freely and it is to be cherished.  It is not meant to be easy necessarily.  I do not feel I would stretch and grow if it were too easy.  There are times, I do find it incredibly difficult to submit.  To the point that I fight myself internally in order to achieve, or more times than not, falter in this area.  I am naturally stubborn and will bulk even when what my sweet man wants for me, for our family, for us is not unreasonable, just out of my comfort zone.  It is helpful to know others of you struggle, just like me. I am actually glad (well, maybe not happy for your backsides) but content to know I am in such good company.  That everyone of you is working to better yourselves, your marriages, your lives in however ttwd/dd works for you and your husband.  I know for some of you that is simply to play with little or no discipline.  Others of you use a gentler version of dd, some are solidly dd and others have told power exchange dynamics. It’s all good.  We can all still learn from one another.  I like to know that I am learning from each of you.  That no one is striving for perfection either.  I find comfort in that.  I like knowing that even after many years you bloggers that have been around for awhile are learning right along with me.  That the new ones are not failing, just learning and growing, trusting.  It’s such a beautiful give and take cycle that is lovely to experience.

So thank you all again for patiently listening to my journey and being listening ears, open hearts and giving words of support and encouragement.  You are helping me to see and learn and love.  What a blessing!


Saturday, January 14, 2017

Feeling Lost And A Bit Confused

There seems to be a lot of sadness in blogland right now.  I know of three bloggers that have lost loved ones in the last month or so and my heart goes out to each of you.  I send you my prayers and sympathies.  Several years ago we lost someone special between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I know the pain is deep and grief strong, especially with so much additional stress already piled on with the holidays.  I pray for healing for each of you and your families.

It is with this post that I do not wish to dismiss what others are going through, rather I would like to ask for insight.  I am simply feeling lost about some things.  I really could use some wise counsel from others of you who have been there, done that.  I am hoping that someone else has gone through a similar situation and could perhaps shed some light on where I may be going wrong.  

To be honest, I am feeling embarrassed to be feeling this way, but feel the need to ask my question anyway.  I am struggling to find my submission.  I find it hard to submit during spankings or discussions or schedules or whatever is going on in the moment.  He has been patient, incredibly patient.  He has tried to help in many ways.  Talking, he’s very good at prodding at me to share how I am feeling. Spanking, to help the stress, alleviate worries, chase away the sour attitude.  Comforting, reminding me that he has me, that submission takes time, that he loves me forever and always.   Writing that, admitting my insecurities, was almost as stressful as writing my first post.

But right now my heart is not in it.  I know that I want dd/ttwd, but I just cannot get with it.  I know the benefits, I see how close we have become and I love that, but right now it just seems so hard.  I do not think he is asking too much of me, but for whatever reason, I cannot put my thoughts into words. Maybe it’s the fact that he is being so consistent and I’m just not use to that.  Maybe it’s just the weather and embracing the everyday things after such a busy season that is hard.  I truly have no idea what is triggering this, but I’m just wondering, hoping actually that others have found a time when submission just seemed hard and you really did not know the why and the how, but just that it is hard.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?


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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Little Phrases

So, things are going full steam ahead around here.  Everyone is finally beginning to fall into some sort of a routine after the holidays and we are ready to forge into the new year with hope and prayers for a good one.  It was about this time last year that we began experimenting with good girl spankings to spice things up in the bedroom.  It was not until April that we really even considered embracing a more dd type relationship, and that too has evolved over the last several months.  We have definitely learned a great deal and continue to seek out additional information to enhance our lifestyle and learn from this community.  
Last year this really felt like where we were at in our lives.

One thing that has definitely taken on a life of it’s own is the ttwd talk that occurs here on a regular basis.  My man’s sense of humor has shown particularly well in this area.  When we first began neither one of us could hardly say the words spanking or discipline or maintenance etc without blushing or failing to make eye contact.  Okay, so I was probably the only one of us blushing, but things have come a long way in the last year.  I asked him recently what he thought about all of these changes and he nailed things pretty easily.  Hoss said, “Once I saw that little crinkle on your lips when I first spanked you I knew I had started something in you that neither of us knew was there.”  A very good summary of the situation I might add.

So that leads me to some of those funny things that my sweet man says to me that allows his humor to de-escalate a situation or let me know when I am about to be spanked for my attitude.  These he uses always with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye, but I do know where I stand.  Maybe your HOH has similar ways to let you know that he is just about had enough and a spanking is imminent.

Phrases like, “you’re climbing that mountain, watch out for the cliff.”
May look pretty from here, but that's far enough, wouldn't you say?

“You really don’t want to climb another rung on that ladder, do you?  You know what happens when you reach the top.”
Doubt mine reaches this high, more like three rungs most days!

“You’ve fallen off that cliff, watch out for the boulders on your way down.” This was said when I had already crossed the line and the spanking was going to happen and well, I just could not keep my mouth closed or attitude in check.  Yes, I know, what am I thinking some days????

He also has a look, a hand on my leg, taps repeatedly on something or makes imaginary tally marks in the air, but these little sayings are his polite way to remind me that I’m getting close to that edge and well, do I really want to step over it?

How about you?  Any fun sayings that help to trigger that response that you need to wait, stop, rethink your behavior and help you readjust your attitude without having the inevitable happen?  Or are all your reminders nonverbal cues that you and you alone know what he means?


Thursday, January 5, 2017

Baker and the Slippers Slope

I was reading over at Leigh’s place, The Sweetest Gift, and I'm totally sending my sympathies her way. Managing a household with kids and being ill at the same time is never a picnic.  I’m there right now myself, but I have the luxury of having older kids around towards the end of the day to help out with the younger ones when mom is just done.  Finished.  Someone’s not making it till Daddy gets home kind of days.  So I’m sending Leigh my hugs and prayers and trying to get through my day right along with her.  So my post kind of piggybacks off of Leigh’s with a slightly different perspective.  
For Leigh!

That said, I have my own slippers slope to deal with this day.  I am crazed out on steroids, but finally think I’m getting ahead of things in the sickness department.  I was up until almost 2 this morning and well, I was awaken by our youngest at 3:30 who did not settle immediately and then, well, I was awake again. 
Our youngest is no longer a baby, but Hoss slept through most of my late night hours!

I woke up again when sweet Hoss’ alarm went blaring.  I kid you not the man does not have a normal alarm.  He has one of those that literally screams at you to get up.  I wake up to sweet little chimes, he wakes up to that screaming, noisy, (you get the picture) things that’s trying to wake the dead two counties over. 
Evil alarm clock!

I did my best and actually got about 45 more minutes this morning before again I awoke. Growl, surprisingly, I did not.  No, I was energizer bunny even before I had the morning dose of meds.  Yay, me!
I love this little bunny rabbit, could totally relate to him today!

Being the energizer bunny has it’s advantage, except when you just cannot think from one task to another to get sidetracked by squirrels all day long.  
Thankfully did not see one of these today!

Not the real squirrels, no those were smart enough to avoid me while I was driving, but those distractions that take my attention away from the tasks I was trying desperately to do. 
That was me, today!

Let’s just say that I have not made much sense today and I probably should not even be allowed to blog, but alas, I am, because it’s really a funny kind of day.  

I needed to run the littlest to school and for the life of me I could not get my fingers to cooperate.  I could not zip up my own coat.  I’d manage the little man’s coat fine, but after several tries I was about to give up when it finally took.  I had several of these little episodes throughout the day with things being complicated that normally are not.  I tried to comment on Leigh’s blog and was for certain my brain had taken a vacation as blogger ate the thing three times for some unknown reason.  I’m going with operator error here.  What do you all think?
Yup, everyone had a ton of patience with me today, thankfully!

So I went to pick the Little Man up from school and got a hot chocolate on the way home.  A large hot chocolate and the med did not mix well.  

I thought I would be bouncing, no.  The caffeine took a different approach.  It made me cranky.  Now, I am a cranky, wired, distracted mess that literally could only concentrate on folding clothes and matching socks.  
Not quite that bad, but sure felt like a mountain to overcome at the time!

Can I just tell you it took me two hours to fold and put away two baskets because I was so distracted by every little thing and alas, my hands would not, could not roll a pair of socks for nothing.  So, thinking I’m making progress I go to run another errand and got me another, you guessed it, hot chocolate.  
Yummy times two!

Why?  I have no idea.  I guzzle those things, folks.  It was not like it was really helping with the cough, which was what I kept telling myself.  Though in hindsight, it was probably the only thing I think keeping me upright.  So, I’m home and feeling like I can make it through the next hour or so until the man arrives.  What will happen then?  He has not been spanking me whilst I’m sick, so I have a feeling he will take over and let this very tired lady go to bed.  Just hope I can actually get some rest because I’m still feeling pretty high and cranky from all the caffeine.  
That's probably true today.

Oh, and by the way the slippers slope idea came from the fact that when I went to pick up my little man I did not realize I left the house in my slippers.
Yes, I was that mom.  

The one who looked ragged and worn out wearing slippers to pick her kid up from school.  Yeah, just be thankful, folks, I was not still in my pajamas.   I know people that have shown up with mismatched shoes, so at least I was matching!   Yeah, I’m thinking tomorrow has to be better, but at least today was entertaining!

Yup!  That's a good reminder!


Monday, January 2, 2017

What's In A Name?

Many moons ago when I was in the beginning of my career I met a mentor that I could compare to no other.  She was classy and professional, but she knew how to laugh and have fun.   A tiny in height and petite in build with a personality bigger than men twice her size.  She was several years older than me and full of knowledge and common sense and was truly one of the best mentors a young, fresh from college girl could ask for.  She took me under her wing.  We worked side by side, she was new to the job that we were doing, but not new to the field.  She had raised two sons with a husband that was unkind to her that she divorced long ago.  She completed her college education while raising those sons into their older years and remarried a man that was her soul mate, who treats her extremely well.
A lesson she taught me well!

Over the years that we were co workers she taught many things.  How to laugh at myself, how to comfort someone in distress, how to work late and be up early preparing for court and still smile and look put together on little to no sleep.  I can describe her as caring and sweet, always willing to pitch in and help me out of any dilemma or drama that arose. Always patient and kind.  She was slow to anger unless it was towards an injustice. Truly a super woman.
The kicker was she wore the most provocative outfits, four inch heels and brightest nail polish around. One judge actually told her not to come back to court in neon green nail polish again as it was unprofessional. I can say we had quite the laugh over that one because if she was anything, she was extremely professional and always organized, but her wardrobe was outlandish and yet she was refined in all other ways.  A true contradiction in those terms.  
She was at my bridal shower, giving me the most shocking and naughty of all lingerie.  It did not surprise me one bit that she gave me something provocative.  She reminded me when I quit to stay home that on the first day we met I told her my goal was to be married and become a stay at home mom.  Well, she was right.  I did and when the opportunity arose that’s the path I choose.  Now, you may be wondering why I am rambling on about such a lady, well, she is where the name Baker comes from. She was one of my most memorable mentors and the dearest of friends.  I find great honor in using her name and though she will never read this, it was just my way of saying thanks for being so awesome through all the years of encouragement.  
So, I ask all of you, who provided guidance and mentoring for you?  If you are blogger, how did you come about your blogging name?  Did someone inspire you to be the best you can be?    Feel free to share, I’d love to hear of someone who inspired you in real life.