It is with this post that I do not wish to dismiss what others are going through, rather I would like to ask for insight. I am simply feeling lost about some things. I really could use some wise counsel from others of you who have been there, done that. I am hoping that someone else has gone through a similar situation and could perhaps shed some light on where I may be going wrong.
To be honest, I am feeling embarrassed to be feeling this way, but feel the need to ask my question anyway. I am struggling to find my submission. I find it hard to submit during spankings or discussions or schedules or whatever is going on in the moment. He has been patient, incredibly patient. He has tried to help in many ways. Talking, he’s very good at prodding at me to share how I am feeling. Spanking, to help the stress, alleviate worries, chase away the sour attitude. Comforting, reminding me that he has me, that submission takes time, that he loves me forever and always. Writing that, admitting my insecurities, was almost as stressful as writing my first post.
But right now my heart is not in it. I know that I want dd/ttwd, but I just cannot get with it. I know the benefits, I see how close we have become and I love that, but right now it just seems so hard. I do not think he is asking too much of me, but for whatever reason, I cannot put my thoughts into words. Maybe it’s the fact that he is being so consistent and I’m just not use to that. Maybe it’s just the weather and embracing the everyday things after such a busy season that is hard. I truly have no idea what is triggering this, but I’m just wondering, hoping actually that others have found a time when submission just seemed hard and you really did not know the why and the how, but just that it is hard.
Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
--Baker
If you do not feel comfortable leaving a comment, feel free to share in an email at bakercarlisle1cor13@gmail.com
Hi Baker, Thanks for your support, it is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have any useful advice on the subject of submission as ttwd is not about that for us. I think it is alright in theory but sometimes and for some people it is simply not right. We may read about other people's lives and think that is what we want but sometimes all this just needs to be done in a gentler fashion. For all of us the aim is togetherness and it is possible to achieve that with play and simply focusing on each other rather than the stricter forms of dd. I adore my husband and the things I do for him are because I absolutely want to not because he has spanked them into me. This wouldn't work for either of us. Maybe you just need to find a more fun route through this. AS time goes on ttwd always seems to change, just take it easier for now. Try and get on the same page by talking not spanking first.
love Jan, xx
Thank you, Jan, for your take on this post. It is very true that each couple takes from ttwd what works for them. We are so much into talking, evaluating and thinking things through right now. I appreciate the reminder to do so.
Delete--Baker
Hi Baker, my thoughts and prayers go to our friends who are suffering loss at this time.
ReplyDeleteI think we all go through these periods with submission. I'm sorry I don't have any real advice excerpt perhaps start doing small things for him that you know he will enjoy or appreciate, or perhaps talk to him about setting a small daily task as a sort of submission exercise?
Hugs
Roz
Roz,
DeleteThank you for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. I really like the idea of doing small things that he likes or would appreciate. That is excellent advice and helps me to stay in the right mind frame. I very much appreciate that idea. Thank you!
--Baker
Sometimes the stars just do not align correctly..I a sorry for how you are feeling right now, and I believe we have all..or at least most of us...been there. Master once told me...submission is not supposed to always be easy...when I was struggling. Sometimes you just have to hang in there. When we first started it was easier for me to write my thoughts to Him, rather than speak them....maybe a daily report or love note might help...
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thank you, Abby, your words are encouraging. I am still learning every day that submission is not easy. Yesterday, well, the past few weeks, I have just found it difficult to submit even in the little things. I want to, but cannot seem to find it within myself to do so. Just writing out this particular post yesterday helped considerably though. I was finally able to acknowledge my thoughts and woke up feeling less stressed over it. I do agree with your Master that it's not suppose to be easy. I do not expect that it always will. It is just helpful knowing that it's more of a hiccup in the road rather than the end of things. I appreciate your thoughtful words.
DeleteMy sympathies as well for what you are going through with your Master's mother.
--Baker
Only Stepford wives are truly submissive all the time. I started out wanting to be submissive but Nick did not want submission so I really have no sound advice. What has worked at time is for to pick one thing to work on at the time. We can always add more if we both want to. But as Jan said don't forget to put the fun spankings in there - it does make you WANT to do so much more your fellow just for the fun of it all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, PK, for your thoughts. I believe my husband does want my submission, I'm just the one failing to acknowledge that right now. I do love the fun spankings and you are right, they do help in the wanting to do more for him. Thank you for your reminders and thoughts.
Delete--Baker
Hi, I think that Kay at trying to learn, learning to try is addressing this right now. She's on my roll if you want to read her. She wrote a post called a brief rant.... and I just looked and another that has some answers.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I have advice because I'm not exactly what you would call submissive, a pleaser, yes. I know that I often follow certain people's leads. I test my Scotsman often. Mind you, he enjoys my feistiness most of the time.
I'm trying to be better all the time, when I fail I try again. To me life is an evolution. Hope some of this helps.
Minelle,
DeleteWise words. I'm plenty sassy and he loves me that way. It is just me not being able to find my ability to submit in many ways right now that is frustrating both of us. As I said above just acknowledging it and writing it out helped considerably to make me not feel so upset and stressed out about it. Hopefully as things settle after the holidays and my illness that I am now able to renew my goal to submit.
I did take a jaunt over to Kay's blog. I have never read her before, so that was nice, and was able to enjoy her post as well as the one written by Stormy today. Thank you, so much for leading me in that direction. It was very helpful.
My prayers are for you as well, as you cope with the loss of your dad. Thank you for continuing to touch and lead those around you even though you are hurting.
--Baker
Joining you in sending prayers and healing energy for all who have recently lost a loved one, Baker.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your submission issues...as Roz said, we've all been there and as Abby's Master is so fond of saying...submission is not supposed to be easy. Think of your submission as a gift you want to give to the man you love. Remember when you first fell in love? Were you constantly thinking of special things to do for him? Just little things? Think of one small thing that would really please him and try to do it for him.
Everyone looks at submission in a different way. For me, it was something I wanted to give, not something that was demanded. You need to really look at what submission means to you and then speak with your husband. Maybe between the two of you, you can then figure out what your stumbling block is and get over it. Sending lots of positive energy for you.
Hugs and blessings...Cat
Hi, Cat,
DeleteThanks for your wise words. I do appreciate them. Much discussion going on here and that is helping as it always does. Thanks for reminding me that submission is a gift to be freely given.
--Baker
I know how you are feeling bc I am feeling the same. Ttwd is great when things are going well and we "feel" up to our role of submission. So many things can affect why we might be feeling like this. Are our needs met, are we getting enough rest, eating right, having enough time for our own personal self care? Are we depressed, hormonal, affected by the weather? The time after the holidays can be hard for many people as well bc it is anticlimactic and we experience a lull as we get back into our everyday routines. Know you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteHugs... Lynne
Thank you, JLynne,
DeleteI do believe many of the factors that you listed have played into things right now. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone.
--Baker
Have been down with a cold/flu, so I am a bit late catching up on my reading. To me submission is not a goal with an endpoint where I will someday arrive. On a day to day basis, submission is usually about consciously staying silent and listening better. About not saying something or not getting irritated. It is hard every single time.
ReplyDeleteElla
Hi, Ella,
DeleteI'm sorry you are still not 100% as of yet. I do not see an endpoint either, but a constant ebb and flow of learning that sometimes I get right and sometimes, well, not so much. I like that it does not always come easy, but is hard to do at times, it allows me to grow and stretch in areas where I struggle. Thank you for your insight, it is very helpful.
--Baker
Baker,
ReplyDeleteJust trying to catch up here! Submission for me means pleasing my guy and he, in turn, pleases me. Give that philosophy a try. I find it works well.
Meredith
Thanks, M,
DeleteGood advice from a wise woman.
--Baker
Hi Baker, I'm catching up too. I don't have any advice but I don't think there's ever a 'eureka' moment when submission is suddenly nailed for good, there's always ebb and flow.
ReplyDeleteRosie
Hi, Rosie,
DeleteI had not read your comment when I replied above, but I truly do see it as ebb and flow, it's just not flowing out of me easily right now. Thanks for your thoughts, they are helpful. In not having advice, you had some great points that were definitely well received here. Thank you.
--Baker
Baker, like many of us we do TTWD for fun. You can still be submissive without serious spankings. Its the little things in life which matter and the fact you want to do things for your husband just because you love each other.
ReplyDeleteHopefully you do fit some fun times in amongst the stricter things having to be done on a schedule. Life is meant to be fun, its too short not to be. Take one day at a time and find things to make your man happy.
Good luck!
Hugs Lindy xx
Thank you, Lindy,
DeleteWe do have plenty of fun together, it's not all seriousness here, that would make things drudgery. You are very right that submission is in the little things that make him happy, which, in turn make me quite happy as well. Your thoughts are very helpful, thank you!
--Baker