Learning

I'm still feeling a mite bit reflective right now, folks, but I will not burden you all with another list of questions.  I did want to talk about an incident that happened last weekend in which some dd/ttwd friends were definitely most helpful in me processing through.  Not going to really share what happened in details, but rather a few specific points, sorry.  It did lead me again to some introspective thoughts.  

(Sorry, I was looking for a flake meme and this one came up...too funny)

This post had mostly to do with me and not so much Hoss.  He actually did everything right, but I was pretty much a flake.  Oh, stop now, I know everyone out there that knows even a little bit about me knows I can be a teeny tiny bit difficult and I tend to do stupid things if  given the right mood.  And well, if you have not already figured out I can be a bit bratty, so this little post should not come to a shock to anyone. 

Before we get started, I just wanted to thank Cat (Giggles, Grins and Reflections) for her advice and kind words of encouragement.  She was very considerate to stop whatever she was doing to just kind of walk me through what I was going through.  And it was her word that gave rise to this post.  Additionally, a few other ladies were able to jump on her bandwagon and do a bit of straightening out of where my heart was leading me astray.

I am not a natural submissive.  A people pleaser, yes, for the most part, but not necessarily submissive by nature.  I love to see people happy and all, but I have a tendency to buck the system more often than not.  Poor Hoss really gets the brunt of the bucking the system and he typically takes care of things to ensure it does not happen again.

So, today I want to talk about the little word, "submit."  Such a tiny word in the grand scheme of DD/TTWD, but I know you all know this, it's a word that can make a huge impact on how things go in your relationship.

The problem here is that there are times I just take the hard road, as in last Sunday.  I did quite a few things wrong when I was about to have a reset.  Stupid things.  Things that were both dangerous and quite frankly, I have no idea why it happened or what possessed my mind.  First things off, I just chose not to submit.  See, in our relationship, Hoss is my HOH, the bossman, the guy in charge.  I am the taken in hand, the sub, the one who obeys him.  

Well, that man, that boss of mine changed things up.  Like messed with my mind.  

I know you are not going to believe this, but he asked me to....gulp....choose my implement.

Do you see the firecrackers bursting the air? 

Or maybe rockets or bombs going off.

Yes, bet you know what I said.

And, um....no....."yes, sir," did not cross my lips.

See, that's where things got a bit hinky.  I know, right off the bat this will not go over well with several of you, but I said what I said and did what I did and I have learned a great deal from it all.

I know, I know....stop being so long winded and just spit it out already.

Geez, you, folks, are a pushy bunch today....

I just am still really horrified by my own actions and well...mighty embarrassed to be in the company of better submissives than myself.

Alright already!

I said........., "Nope! you do it."

I am hanging my head in shame right now.  I was so mortified to even have to admit this to anyone, but Hoss, but yeah, my submissive angelic halo, it kind of got thrown to the ground and stepped on a few times with that little statement.

So, between that and the other incident of falling to my knees because, geez, the spanking was hurting really badly as I had not been spanked in awhile (I know, I know, I should not have to wonder why it hurt something awful after that statement made above) but I just was not in a submissive mindset.

I was in a, "I want to be in charge," mindset.

Gasp, I know, I said it.  But I just did not want to submit.

I also put myself in grave danger because let's face it folks, if you drop to your knees during a spanking you run the risk of the implement striking a place it does not intend on spanking.

So, I was a major brat and I just think sometimes it helps to admit it, regardless of how embarrassing it is to do so.

All of you HOH's out there go ahead and send your regards to Hoss for having to put up with me.  I'm certain he would appreciate your support.

Be assured all is forgiven now, but not before things were handled more appropriately.

Part of what Hoss wanted me to do afterwards was to find out what others would have had happen or what their HOH would done in the same situation.

The other thing I had to do was ask another submissive what would have happened had she told their HOH, "No," and fallen to their knees during a spanking.  So that's how poor Cat got dragged into the discussion and her words were seriously taken to heart by yours truly.  I have spent the better part of my week thinking over that one little word that she stated, "submit."  Thanks again, Cat, Hoss and I both really valued your insight.

So, Baker, you're asking, what did you learn?  Because obviously most of you are thinking I need to go back to submission school and retake some classes.

Audience of readers, I learned that the word submit means that I need to willingly stop what I am doing and listen to my man.

I need to heed to his words even when I do not understand the reason behind why he is asking me to do or change something.

That is I submit he is in charge and I cannot change things just because I feel like it.

That there is no need to push the envelope or question things just to question them.  He is trustworthy.  I brought this to our marriage and if I keep trying to take back my submission so I can be in charge over this or that little thing, than it hurts our marriage in a way that is just sad.

When I submit we are both rewarded.  I feel cherished, taken care of, safe and secure, the list goes on.  Hoss gains confidence knowing I trust him, he stands taller knowing I have faith in his abilities, he feels respected knowing I heed his advice, and again the list goes on.

There is so much value in the knowing that he cares enough to see us through this process.  To know our relationship is second only to God for him, there are just not words to describe on blessed I feel.

I also learned that even when I make mistakes, even when I "screw up royally," my man takes it in stride and is able to direct us back to the right path and for that we are truly grateful.

No, none of these are new revelations.  But sometimes, folks, these are lessons to be relearned or retaught or rethought in order to fully contend with all the other things my "world/mind" is telling me to do or think or feel.

So that is the sum of my week.  Any additional thoughts you would like to share on submission?  Would you also be kind enough to share a brief story of a time you should have submitted and the consequences of your lack of submission?

LOL, you knew I'd have to throw a question in there somewhere, did you not?

Have a great weekend!
--Baker

Spankos Unite!

I am in a bit of a reflective mood today.  I have been since the new year began.  I meant to write my thoughts down Saturday, but the stomach flu hit our house big time and has continued to plague us for the last five days.  I am one tired Momma right now, but as I cannot sleep I thought I'd try to get somewhat of a post down for you all to ponder. 

(Yup, our diet right now--preferred this pic to a more graphic one!)

I have been throwing around post ideas and keep coming back to the same thing.   How else are we similar aside from our love of spanking?  I mean seriously, there have to be some sort of other similarities that bring us all to openly discuss this most private part of our lives (in which many of our families and friends have no idea about) in such a public place.  I'm just deeply curious about the traits and tendencies that may "make a spanko" (even though I am not a fan of that word).

So I just want to randomly throw out some ideas and I would like to have you either answer these in your own posts (like a meme) or just answer which ones you want in the comments below.  Or for those of you who do not blog, but would be kind enough to share and feel free to answer the questions in the comment section at the end.  Some of these questions may just seem random, but my point is to see how closely we are alike in other ways than just the DD or TTWD lifestyle.  I'm going to answer these questions as I go along, so you get an idea along what lines I am thinking....

(I like how this breaks the difference down.)

1.  Are you an introvert or extrovert or somewhere in between?  What about your HOH? 

I am most definitely an introvert, though I have extrovert tendencies in certain situations.  If I am out with a group of people, and I am not in charge of the group, than I am the quiet girl in the corner talking to one or two friends or simply listening to the conversations going on around me.  If I am in charge then, yes, I can rise to the occasion. 

Hoss, as my HOH, is an extrovert.  He loves to visit with people and seems to know everyone.  I love this about him and it makes me wonder how many other HOH's out there are more of an extrovert.  

(I think Hoss would approve of this pic!)

2.  At what age did you realize that spanking was something you were into and at what length did you go to hide it?  Did your HOH know?  For those of you who began your marriage with spanking do you think anything from your childhood helped you to be more accepting of the spanking lifestyle.

I am not exactly sure how old I was when I realized that spanking was something that fascinated me.  Maybe as young as 9 or 10 when I would read children's stories and specifically read and reread the sections on spankings.  Did I ever share this?  No.  I thought I was an odd duck and being on the very shy side I really kept private thoughts, such as this, private.  I think Hoss is accepting of this lifestyle simply because he sees it works.  The results are mostly positive.

(Does the apple fall far from the tree)

3.  Do you know of anyone else in your family who practices DD, TTWD, etc.?  And how did you come to learn that they did?

I can quickly answer no one on my side, though Hoss and I wonder about one of his brothers and his wife.  They would be described more of a traditional marriage situation if they are, but again not a 100 percent sure on this one.  Hoss has simply witnessed a few exchanges between this couple that lead him to believe that obeying is something his brother expects from his wife.  

Part of the reason I ask this question is because I'm curious of the hereditary nature of spanking.  If we have the potential to pass this down to our own children some day.  (And not by example, but just their natural tendencies towards this as they grow.)

(Not true, but often we'd go out and then sit on the couch to visit)

4.  Are you a homebody or outgoing?  To me this is different than being an introvert or extrovert.  You can be an introvert and still love to go to museums or a ball game.  You can also be an extrovert and love to just have people over and entertain in your home rather than going elsewhere.

I am a homebody.  I do enjoy getting out and seeing people one on one, but if I have the choice I'm home.  Hoss is more adventurous than I am, I think.  

5.  How do you view blogging?  Is it an outlet?  A way you process?

I'm an introvert, so I know I would not share this easily in person, but blogging.  Blogging helps me express myself.  It helps me put to words what is filling up my head.  I can write out loud on paper and get feedback, but it's not face to face.  The embarrassment factor for me is reduced dramatically.  If I am writing something in an email or text if I am blushing over what I am saying because alot of times what I read or am talking about to someone in the dd world makes me blush.  That's just how I am.

6.  What tendencies do you see in your DD or TTWD friends and bloggers?  Warning this one may be sensitive to answer.  I am in no way trying to criticize these are simply observations or things that may be similarities between us.

I find a great majority of bloggers to be very (and I mean very) private people.  They may share intimate things on their blogs, but are less likely to share about their extended children, family, locations, etc.  I understand this so much better now that I blog than I ever could before blogging.  They very much limit what the outside world sees of them, but they do get great satisfaction in helping others learn the lifestyle.  They want others to understand and tend to be very kind and considerate people.  I think the world would make our lifestyles out to be perverted or old fashioned, and yet we tend to be some of the happiest and open people around.   We just choose to keep those we love under lock and key to a degree and that is probably the safest route to take.

I also see several of us as worriers and some of us have discussed histories that include depression.  Take that one for what you will, but many have commented here and there of having tendencies towards depression and using ttwd/dd as a way to help them out of their depressive states.  Additionally, many comment how this lifestyle has saved or improved their marriages.   This is one I'm still mulling around a bit, so please take no offense.  I am one of those who tends towards depression and also feel dd greatly improved our marriage.

(Books can be one of my favorite companions)

7.  Are you a lover of the printed word?

Seriously, this is where my introverted side is most fulfilled.  I can fall in love with a series and become so taken with the characters that they become my friends.  I love books and reading and have sense I was little.  I could pick up a book and become lost in a novel.  This love has continued and I have heard from many other bloggers that they are just as avid fans of books as I am.

(Good question)

8.  Do you view yourself as a submissive?

I struggle with this one.  I am a people pleaser, yes.  Am I submissive, not quite.  I try, Lord knows I try, but I am not a "yes, sir" type of girl.  I want to be, but I'm independent.  I want to do better (and I am better than when we first started), but Hoss can attest that I do not quite fit the submissive role.

9.  Last question.  What traits do you see in your HOH that help you follow his lead?

His voice.  That may sound overly simplified, but when Hoss uses a certain tone it make me all quivery and I know to listen up.  Or it could be just the gentleness that stops me in my track as he tells me how special I am to him.  His words can get my attention.

His look.  We all say they have a look, but what is it?  For Hoss his eyes will narrow and lose their sparkle.  He's a guy that smiles easily, so when that smile is gone and his face stiffens up, I know I'm (for lack of a better word) screwed.  Or it may be that ornery grin he gets right before things turn to the fun side.  I eat that one up.  

Lastly, his stance.  He stands taller, his shoulders seem broader and his confidence seems magnified.  He seems invincible, someone you would not want to mess with for any reason.  That stance is one that makes me feel protected, loved and secure.  


Well, folks, not my normal zany post, but I hope you'll play along.  I know we are all vastly different, but I'm wondering if some of our similarities are what bring TTWD/DD to be more a prominent option for us.  Also, maybe you have other questions you'd like to ask or share.  Jump in.  I'd just like to create some dialogue and explore the traits we may have that lead us towards this lifestyle.  

--Baker