Saturday, January 20, 2018

Learning

I'm still feeling a mite bit reflective right now, folks, but I will not burden you all with another list of questions.  I did want to talk about an incident that happened last weekend in which some dd/ttwd friends were definitely most helpful in me processing through.  Not going to really share what happened in details, but rather a few specific points, sorry.  It did lead me again to some introspective thoughts.  
(Sorry, I was looking for a flake meme and this one came up...too funny)

This post had mostly to do with me and not so much Hoss.  He actually did everything right, but I was pretty much a flake.  Oh, stop now, I know everyone out there that knows even a little bit about me knows I can be a teeny tiny bit difficult and I tend to do stupid things if  given the right mood.  And well, if you have not already figured out I can be a bit bratty, so this little post should not come to a shock to anyone. 
Before we get started, I just wanted to thank Cat (Giggles, Grins and Reflections) for her advice and kind words of encouragement.  She was very considerate to stop whatever she was doing to just kind of walk me through what I was going through.  And it was her word that gave rise to this post.  Additionally, a few other ladies were able to jump on her bandwagon and do a bit of straightening out of where my heart was leading me astray.

I am not a natural submissive.  A people pleaser, yes, for the most part, but not necessarily submissive by nature.  I love to see people happy and all, but I have a tendency to buck the system more often than not.  Poor Hoss really gets the brunt of the bucking the system and he typically takes care of things to ensure it does not happen again.
So, today I want to talk about the little word, "submit."  Such a tiny word in the grand scheme of DD/TTWD, but I know you all know this, it's a word that can make a huge impact on how things go in your relationship.

The problem here is that there are times I just take the hard road, as in last Sunday.  I did quite a few things wrong when I was about to have a reset.  Stupid things.  Things that were both dangerous and quite frankly, I have no idea why it happened or what possessed my mind.  First things off, I just chose not to submit.  See, in our relationship, Hoss is my HOH, the bossman, the guy in charge.  I am the taken in hand, the sub, the one who obeys him.  

Well, that man, that boss of mine changed things up.  Like messed with my mind.  

I know you are not going to believe this, but he asked me to....gulp....choose my implement.
Do you see the firecrackers bursting the air? 
Or maybe rockets or bombs going off.

Yes, bet you know what I said.

And, um....no....."yes, sir," did not cross my lips.

See, that's where things got a bit hinky.  I know, right off the bat this will not go over well with several of you, but I said what I said and did what I did and I have learned a great deal from it all.

I know, I know....stop being so long winded and just spit it out already.

Geez, you, folks, are a pushy bunch today....

I just am still really horrified by my own actions and well...mighty embarrassed to be in the company of better submissives than myself.

Alright already!

I said........., "Nope! you do it."
I am hanging my head in shame right now.  I was so mortified to even have to admit this to anyone, but Hoss, but yeah, my submissive angelic halo, it kind of got thrown to the ground and stepped on a few times with that little statement.

So, between that and the other incident of falling to my knees because, geez, the spanking was hurting really badly as I had not been spanked in awhile (I know, I know, I should not have to wonder why it hurt something awful after that statement made above) but I just was not in a submissive mindset.

I was in a, "I want to be in charge," mindset.

Gasp, I know, I said it.  But I just did not want to submit.

I also put myself in grave danger because let's face it folks, if you drop to your knees during a spanking you run the risk of the implement striking a place it does not intend on spanking.

So, I was a major brat and I just think sometimes it helps to admit it, regardless of how embarrassing it is to do so.

All of you HOH's out there go ahead and send your regards to Hoss for having to put up with me.  I'm certain he would appreciate your support.

Be assured all is forgiven now, but not before things were handled more appropriately.

Part of what Hoss wanted me to do afterwards was to find out what others would have had happen or what their HOH would done in the same situation.

The other thing I had to do was ask another submissive what would have happened had she told their HOH, "No," and fallen to their knees during a spanking.  So that's how poor Cat got dragged into the discussion and her words were seriously taken to heart by yours truly.  I have spent the better part of my week thinking over that one little word that she stated, "submit."  Thanks again, Cat, Hoss and I both really valued your insight.
So, Baker, you're asking, what did you learn?  Because obviously most of you are thinking I need to go back to submission school and retake some classes.

Audience of readers, I learned that the word submit means that I need to willingly stop what I am doing and listen to my man.

I need to heed to his words even when I do not understand the reason behind why he is asking me to do or change something.

That is I submit he is in charge and I cannot change things just because I feel like it.

That there is no need to push the envelope or question things just to question them.  He is trustworthy.  I brought this to our marriage and if I keep trying to take back my submission so I can be in charge over this or that little thing, than it hurts our marriage in a way that is just sad.
When I submit we are both rewarded.  I feel cherished, taken care of, safe and secure, the list goes on.  Hoss gains confidence knowing I trust him, he stands taller knowing I have faith in his abilities, he feels respected knowing I heed his advice, and again the list goes on.

There is so much value in the knowing that he cares enough to see us through this process.  To know our relationship is second only to God for him, there are just not words to describe on blessed I feel.

I also learned that even when I make mistakes, even when I "screw up royally," my man takes it in stride and is able to direct us back to the right path and for that we are truly grateful.

No, none of these are new revelations.  But sometimes, folks, these are lessons to be relearned or retaught or rethought in order to fully contend with all the other things my "world/mind" is telling me to do or think or feel.

So that is the sum of my week.  Any additional thoughts you would like to share on submission?  Would you also be kind enough to share a brief story of a time you should have submitted and the consequences of your lack of submission?

LOL, you knew I'd have to throw a question in there somewhere, did you not?

Have a great weekend!
--Baker



28 comments:

  1. *raises a hand* um, me -not submitting. getting into a tizzy fit (BIKSS' words, not mine) when we're out especially. I'm trying. i am. to be better. but i always feel like he's not "rescuing" me quickly enough and then i think "if you're not going to be in charge then I will" . Then later i find out that he didn't "rescue" me because there was nothing to rescue. and it was mostly just in my head. i need to find a better way to let him know when i feel that he has to help me deal with something because as he says, sometimes my "panic" look and my "annoyed" look are the same. We've all been there. good that everything is back to sunshine and roses :)

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    1. Fondles, your post was the first to come through and it really made me feel so much better. Thanks!
      --Baker

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  2. Hey Baker, Eric and I had a similar situation when I was putting friends ahead of time with Eric and disregarded a request of his to be home early. I didn't call or let him know I'd be late and by the time I got home, we both knew I was getting spanked. I just wanted it over with so when he suggested I pick the implement, I said "No, you want to spank me, you do it." (Perhaps there is more than one brat on blogland.) Anyway, he didn't skip a beat; pulled off his belt and let me have it. Intense, oh yes. I was relieved when it was over and turned to go upstairs when he stopped me. "That was for telling me no," he said. "Now choose an implement for coming home late and not calling." I hesitated, no believing what was happening, but I did choose something and I did get spanked a second time. On another day, I kept covering myself and then did end up lying on the floor. Eric stopped. Had me stand in the corner to catch my breath and then talked to me about why I was having such a hard time taking my punishment that day. I felt heard and relieved, and again believed we were done. Once again, just as I was turning to go, Eric piped in with, "Hold on there, young lady. Your spanking is starting over." So, in essence, there are times that I don't submit and immediately follow Eric's directions. Neither of us sees this as a failure on my part but simply an indication that there is a lot going on in my head, our world, etc. Eric respects that and takes the time to get me to another head space but he never disregards his initial decision. No matter what transpires at the beginning and in the middle, he returns to his original decision in the end. It works well for us. Anyway, nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of girl. We are complex individuals who have a lot going on physically, mentally, and spiritually. The key is working it out together.
    Amy

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    1. Hoss loved your comment, Amy. Me, not so excited about it. Gave my man too many ideas, me thinks. I do appreciate your willingness to share and definitely feel the head space will be different the next time I'm given the option.

      Hugs!
      --Baker

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  3. Oh, Baker, you must have been in the wrong headspace to pass up the chance to choose the implement! Glad you got it all back together again.
    There have been two occasions when I’ve said ‘No’ to a spanking. I got them just the same but harder. I wrote a post about one of them.
    Rosie xx

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    1. Thanks, Miss Rosie, I so know that it is longer and harder than I ever desired, but I am learning. Thanks for your encouragement.
      --Baker

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  4. Baker,
    I don't think Sam has ever asked me that question, so I can't answer you today from experience. But real submission is very hard for many of us. It takes a constant focus for it to remain in place, and it seems that life interferes with that so often. I am in charge of making so many decisions away from Sam and then need to leave that at the door when I come home again.

    Maybe submission is something we will never master. But I feel strongly that Sam's guidance helps me to be the best me I can be. Most days that's enough for us.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. Miss Ella,
      I so appreciate your sweet words of advice. I really do want to do and be the best I can be, but there are days I just simply falter and this story above was a great example of me just not submitting at all. Next time, I think I will do a much better job.
      --Baker

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  5. I am still stuck on the...He told me to choose an implement, and I did not want to...girl what were you thinking? I know..what if I choose something too harsh..or not harsh enough...I wonder what he has in mine...girl just choose and cross your fingers. I do not think any of us feels submissive 100% per of the time...do I get that "look" from M...yes. Submission is not easy...even when we know it is what we want..need. Like Rosie if I balk....he just spanks longer..will stop and say...we could be done now, but...
    hugs abby

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    1. Oh, Miss Abby, I was not thinking. That is so the problem with this whole scenario. I was just not where I needed to be mentally or emotionally. Yes, I think I was stuck there for a few too. Not a good place to be. Thanks for the advice. May go with Cat's choice for a feather next time, my friend.
      --Baker

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  6. I guess saying that IF I was ever told to select an implement I would go for a wet noodle isn't quite appropriate is it??? (cheeky grin) I have been told that my picture is beside the word 'brat' in the dictionary.

    Seriously though -- if Sir Steve told me to select the implement I would be confused and anxious -- and would probably tell him so........ and he would help me understand cause that's how my brain works ya know -- give me a reason and I'll move mountains



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    1. MS, That is a very good description of the way I felt about picking the implement. I was extremely confused and should have stated that. A wet noodle! How appropriate.
      --Baker

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  7. Hi Baker,

    As everyone above has said,you are definitely not alone and there is no need to feel embarrassed. We have all been there from time to time. I know I have also said "no" and got out of position at times.

    Submission 24/7 is hard and add in life's s tresses getting in the way or just not feeling 100%...

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks, Roz, I do appreciate everyone's sweet words of advice. It helps me to not feel so alone in this part of DD/TTWD.
      --Baker

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  8. Hey Baker...you stated this beautifully. None of us are perfect and we're all gonna fail at times. Of course, if I had been told to pick an implement, smart a$$ me would have picked a feather and then ended up with a second spanking for bratting. LOL

    Bottom line...always talk to Hoss...he's a good man and will listen.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Thanks, Cat! I did choose the flogger, but that ended up badly. Apparently, Hoss can make even the best implement hurt in a pinch. I so should have gone with the feather though....hmmm...maybe next time.
      --Baker

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  9. Baker,
    Cat is so right! Once when Jack was ready to spank, I said I wanted to talk first. I think he thought I wanted to talk my way out of his spanking. He brought me to his lap and we did talk for quite a while. He reminded me of our roles and why we began. He talked about how well this was working and then boy, did he spank me. I submitted and was in tears before I was over the bed. I try hard to submit when I do not agree. He leads us and I try hard to keep that in mind. It is difficult though. Good post! Almost five years in, submission is still a goal that is sometimes has to see.
    Meredith

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    1. Meredith,
      I am so thankful others have also been in the same "position" as I have and have also learned from it. I am learning and do feel I am way further along than a year ago. Thanks for sharing your story.
      --Baker

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  10. Baker, I think that you learned a good lesson. Submission comes about because you have decided to do it and you decided to do it because you want to, want to submit, make your marriage stronger, and because you love and trust your husband. More power to you for learning and seeing where mistakes happen. I have fallen to my knees before too and was lucky. Hang in there.

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    1. Thanks so much, Blondie, I do appreciate your words of wisdom. It is so hard to always relax and trust, but I'm getting there, slow and sure. Thanks!
      --Baker

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  11. Hi Baker, :) Blondie put into words, exactly what I was thinking. We asked to live this lifestyle. It's not always easy to submit to a spanking, but we have to do our part, as they are lovingly doing theirs. Does that mean that when Rob comes down in the morning and says, "Let's go, Young Lady," that I don't let out a groan? No actually. I do. But I go there, take my spanking and my morning moves on with a nice spatulated bottom! LOL! I guess that I always thought, if I was going to resist, perhaps he would give up on the whole thing. So I just go there, take it, and... SPLAT!

    I'm not the best submissive out there at all. I get sent down to the spanking room for little bits of attitude all the time. The big, important things- I have learned what they are, and just don't go there. Those things are very important to Rob. I finally, these past few years, have stopped to listen and think, and recognize what they are. On occasion I get tripped up, but in general, I've got it down. Communication is key, and so is thinking about what the goal of this lifestyle means to you and Hoss. Like everyone has said, it takes time, growth, spankings, and all of that good stuff to get there. Still we learn and grow.

    LOL! Never pass up an opportunity to pick an implement. A flogger would be a nice choice! YUMMM! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thanks so much, Katie t, your wisdom is very helpful. I am always learning and growing and I appreciate what you have shared. Thank you!
      --Baker

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  12. Cat gave you wonderful advice Baker. You have to submit to your HOH, he is trying to look out for you. Remember breath, count and stay calm.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Hey, Lindy,
      I do agree. Cat is wise and gets it and well, there are days I just do not. I appreciate your thoughts, my friend.
      --Baker

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  13. Cat will always tell you the truth! She gets it!
    I am a pleaser but not really submissive do I get the struggle!

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    1. Awww, Minelle, so happy to have you visit! You have been so missed. I'm so thankful and glad others do not necessarily see themselves as submissive either. Hugs.
      --Baker

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  14. Hi Baker ... Newbie Nora Jean here, I am bookmarking commentor blog sites for future reading (I read them end to end as I find it helps me get a better understanding of each person and their approach to ttwd). All I have to say before I return to my lurking corner is .....
    ..... Oooo myyyyy goooood! ... we have so much to learn!! nj

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    1. Yes, ma'am, an incredible amount to learn from one another. I did the same thing when I stumbled across dd/ttwd. It was rewarding, time consuming, thought provoking and daunting all at once. So happy you have joined us.
      --Baker

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