Dear Abby...Errr...Dear Amy?

Dear Abby was a post read for many years offering advice to others regarding etiquette, manners, etc.  Well, in blogland I inadvertently found my own Dear Abby in the form of Amy over at http://eric51amy49.blogspot.com.  She actually asked the first question in my March Q and A.  Asking if Hoss had any other questions for the HOHs out there in blogland.  Eric was the only HOH to respond in a post of his own, though I did get an email from Roz giving Rick’s ideas as well.  Hoss took some of that lovely information from Eric (who I used to think was a very sweet HOH, now I’m not so sure) and applied it….literally and liberally to my bottom.

Now, some of you newer or less adventurous readers out there may be wondering what in the world am I talking about.  Well let’s put it this way...it was not a spanking that Eric suggested.  I would have probably been a bit chagrined if he suggested I needed one, but I am used to spankings as well, being Baker and all, I tend to be in trouble more often than the rest of you very submissive souls (snickering).  

No, Eric, in his HOH wisdom, suggested something by the name of capsicum cream.  Does this ring any bells with anyone else out there?  Well, there are some things that Eric suggested here that required a bit of further information, as we had never tried anything like capsicum before.  Something to do with where that capsicum should go.  So off I went to send a little email asking for verification and further explanation on what this was all about.  Afterall, there were a few horror stories out there that I had no desire to be apart of any way, shape, or form.

Dear Amy, well, she gave some very, very pertinent advice in her response back.  Good information.  It included the cream will last up to 24 hours after application (seriously good info to know), it can be activated by heat (her example included sun hitting the seat in her car and rewarming her backside), and best of all the antidote of using milk (definitely a need to know if for some reason your HOH applies a bit too much to your hiney}.  She described the feeling as being that warm after spanked burn or sting that we all enjoy.  In my mind I’m thinking, it really cannot be that bad, as Eric and Dear Amy seem to use it regularly and know what they are talking about.   I thanked her, thinking I had all the of the best information friendship can buy, informed Hoss of the information, and I purchased the capsicum cream once he thought it might be worth the try.

So about two weeks ago was our first introduction to this “silent spanking” cream.  Well, my first introduction as you all know was Hoss applying it, not participating, even though I suggested he should.  (I’ve been told I’m sassy that way!)  Well, let’s say it was just as she described.  A nice after spanked feeling that lasts and lasts and well, lasts.  Not awful, in my humble opinion.  Not dramatic, but it did one thing I was not expecting.  It changed my attitude.  I had been feeling a bit snarky and I went from snarky to, “I love my man!” within just a few minutes.  It was also a very good reminder all day long.  Hoss checked on me regularly to make sure it was not too uncomfortable or anything.  I have to admit there were a few times I was silently cursing Amy, as the lingering sting went on all day long.  Even though I enjoy the after spanked feeling as much as the next girl, all day was too long to feel that way.

The surprise came the next day.  I woke up with a migraine.  Mind you I rarely have migraines.   Part of me worried if there was a connection between the “cap” cream and the migraine, but it was just impossible to know as my neck and shoulders were hurting as well.  I thought perhaps I had slept wrong  Regardless, Hoss called from church and suggested I take a nice hot shower and loosen up those upper back muscles.  Ahhh, that sounded really good.

STOP LAUGHING!  You may know what was going to happen, but I am still in the learning stage here and well..I was not thinking clearly from the pain meds.   I said to stop... I can hear you giggling and snorting your coffee.  Enough already!

So I get into the shower.  Things are going fine as I stand with the water hitting my face and front.  I’m enjoying the shower until...I had to turn around.  I turned to allow the water to hit my shoulders and things went wrong…  Like I was literally doing a “just spanked dance” in the shower while trying to let the water hit my shoulders.  After about 30 seconds, I realized Dear Amy was dead wrong.  It can last wwwwayyy more than 24 hours (we were looking around 28 at this point) and I gave up and got out.  The burn was intense.  I was rubbing and dancing and calling Hoss from the bathroom.  Mind you, Hoss is at church, but I called his cell anyway.  I had many not so nice things to say about Dear Amy and her advice right then.  And do you know what that man said?  He laughed. My head is hurting, my bum is burning, and my man is laughing and snorting into the phone at my predicament.  (Be careful, folks, no spilling your coffee or tea here!)  He kindly got himself under control and suggested I go back to bed and rest up. I did.  Yes, I can be obedient that way.  (I know, hard to believe, right?  Had to have been the migraine).  The cool sheets felt very nice and helped to take away some of the burn.  

The next day I was feeling much better and had my second dose as well, sorry folks, Hoss knew he was on to something that worked when I needed the extra incentive to behave.  The problem here was that I had just taken a nice long hot shower.  Do you all know what happens when you have a nice long hot shower?  Yeah, me neither.  Well….it opens up your pores!  Like it really opens up your pores and that cap cream, well, let’s just say it hurt like it did the day before, just way more intense.  That just spanked feeling, it lasted all day with a very hot bum.   It was also a day that most of my things on my “to do list,” had to be done while sitting, so it kept me plenty warm, to say the least.  What fascinated me again though, was how compliant I felt inside and I felt good inside even if my bum did not fare to well.  Thankfully, folding chairs tend to be cool, even if they are hard, and it kept the warmth from getting out of control.

I finally emailed Dear Amy and got a wonderful response.  You guessed it, she was laughing!  She said, “I gave you the antidote.” Well, yeah, she did that.  So came my grumblings and complaining.  Dear Amy, I love you, girl, but see there is a wee bit of a thing that neither you or I considered in our discussions.  We are not at the same season of life as you guys.  We have loads of young tender minds wandering around.  The only bath we have is in their bathroom.  If momma had walked upstairs, grabbed a gallon of milk out of the fridge and started filling up the bath I’d have loads of explaining to do.  The burn on my butt, was way more tolerable than the headache that would have been caused by all the questions those little and not so little people would have asked.  Oh, and that applying the cap cream after a shower.  Yeah, she thought I knew the answer to that one too.  I can laugh now at my naivete, and it’s thanks to Dear Amy as she definitely helped me to see the humor in all of this!   So, I learned something valuable about Dear Amy.  I need to ask heaps and tons of questions just to make sure I have all the information needed before I bring an idea to Hoss.  I also need to realize all of the trial and error we have had is helpful to all of you out there.  No thanks needed, it was worth it.

So, things to know about cap cream as shared by Amy----AFTER THE FACT as well as a few of my own observations!

1. Do NOT take a shower prior to application.
2. It can last up to 48 hours (Thanks to Cat for that tip!)
3. Heat really and truly can reactivate it every single time.
4. After awhile that just been spanked feeling is not as fun hours later.
5. That I hide my bum at the mere thought of cap cream being mentioned by Hoss.  (Just 
so you know, backing against the door with hands securely attached to your backside 
does not aid in it not being applied.)
6. The saying, “Do not try this at home,” could definitely be applied to this post.
7. Do not suggest to Hoss that it works best if the cap cream is applied prior to a spanking.  
(Pray he skims over this part when he reads this…)
8. Finally, you can take a shower afterwards if and only if you are brave enough and smart 
enough to put your bum against the shower wall and keep it there while you turn just enough to wash your hair and body.  Trust me on this one, it will safe you a great deal of pain.
9.  Make sure your HOH puts gloves.  Without gloves there is a serious risk of not washing all of the cream off his hands.  Ensure you do not touch your bum after application.  You do NOT want to risk touching a sensitive area such as your eyes, nose or private areas.  This is a bum cream ONLY.
10. Double check you are not allergic to any of the ingredients in the cap cream.  You could also try a teeny amount first to see if you have any type of allergic reaction.

Dear Amy, you are an awesome lady and I do appreciate all of the advice.  I will make sure in the future when I pick your brain, to ask many, many questions even if I think I’ve got something figured out.  Would have saved me from that “shower dance” and the “after shower my pores are open dance!”  or learning how to manipulate the shower or….anyway, you get the picture!  Thanks, Eric and Amy, for your help and for reviewing my post!

--Baker