Some days, I find myself not making my relationship with my husband the priority it deserves. I find my attention drifting to other things whether it be kids, housework, friends, or general busyness. I found myself in such a place last evening, not a fun place to be, let me share with you...
It was a good Saturday. Nothing really going on for most of us, which is definitely unusual. Hoss had to work for several hours in the afternoon, but had decided to take one of our older kids to a special outing in the morning. That was fine, I was feeling up to doing cleaning and laundry and parenting, so no real worries.
By mid morning, I was feeling off. I did laundry and puttered around, but my body was telling me to rest. I did. I crawled into bed. As I laid back on my pillows I chatted with friends, checked my email, read some, kept myself busy with folding laundry. I was frustrated with Hoss, though. When I have a really down day health wise he wants to help, check in often, care for me, even when he is at work. Most days I do not mind this, it's very loving. Not yesterday. Yesterday, I felt he was mother henning me to death. He kept questioning me about not feeling well, questioning me about taking my meds, overall, he was, well, just bugging me and driving me nuts. I was feeling snippy by the time he'd called a second time. I held my tongue, but was just having a tough time of it.
When we got off the phone, I decided maybe a nap was in order and fell asleep quickly. When I woke up I did feel some better. Unfortunately, by the time he arrived home later that night I found myself "touched out". As a mom of many, there are days I literally become overly sensitive to touch. Yesterday was one of those days. When I become "touched out" I tend to also find myself with an attitude. Last night, I also found myself to be very busy. I was still feeling cranky and wanted to avoid my sweet man. I decided then that I had the energy to do sorts of things. I went to switch laundry around, I went to check on the kids, I did stuff. I had to go back into our room to locate a few more hangers and fussed that I could not find enough hangers for his work clothes. He asked if he could help and I told him, "no," while I continued to stew. Some days I can be such a brat.
I still was not feeling well and my body finally yelled at me to rest. I crawled into bed, but as I did so, I turned my back on him and began messaging my dd friend, Bea. She had no idea I was using her as an escape, while I continued to ignore my husband as we messaged back and forth. I know, that had she known I was struggling, she would have talked me off the ledge and told me to make up with my man. She's very helpful like that. I was feeling very stubborn and did not want help calming myself down.
Let's just say, there are days Bea has her hands full when talking some sense into me!
Hoss began to try to coax me away from my precious phone. He knew I was tired and he was desperately trying to give me grace. He asked me to cuddle with him. I told him I was all touched out. He suggested we talk or watch tv together. I told him I had nothing to say to him. He turned his back on me. His anger was apparent and I knew that once his anger calmed down a bit I would be in for one unpleasant reckoning.
Now, for some of you, your husbands would have reacted immediately to this kind of behavior. Our circumstances are not such that we can always handle things right then and there. Yes, I had crossed a line. Yes, I knew he would deal with things in due time. But not right then. We had kids still awake upstairs. He knew this. He also knew his anger was not in check. He said to turn out the light he was going to bed. I did and shame washed over me. Here was my sweet man, who had taken time out of his work day to check on me, love on me from afar, allowed me so much grace and I'd acted like I could not give him the time of day. My heart was sad. I tried to rub his back. I tried to get him to talk to me. He refused and told me to put the kids to bed. I went and did as I was told, but could not sleep.
In the early hour of the morning, when the kids were all still tucked in bed, I paid for my nasty, ungrateful attitude with a mighty hard reminder of how I was to treat my man. I did not beg to be let up as I often do. I did not have a snarky or sarcastic attitude either. I needed that reset as much as he did. Then, when he did let me up, we talked it all out. He was still very upset. I asked if he was done spanking. He thought it over for about half a second.
No, round two commenced even harder. When it was finally over and both our attitudes were restored to rights, I was so sore. I cuddled into him as he held me.
I am thankful for all the reconnect the spanking brought. The wonderful thing is the anger was completely gone. There was no lasting feelings of guilt or frustration. We had dealt with the issue. I was in the proper mindset to be submissive and today went well. In the past, our anger or frustration could have lingered for hours if not days.
Today I was able to appreciate every touch, every kiss, every phone call. I was able to find my happiness in submitting to my man. And it was truly wonderful.
Have a great Monday, everyone!
--Baker
I'm about a hundred percent sure that crossed his mind at least a dozen times! Let's just say that thankfully I am on the mend and sporting a nicely sore bum this morning. Funny how set to rights I am emotionally right now. So, some may wonder why he did not spank, it was just an ear infection, right?
Yes, well, my entire balance was off, I was hyper, I was sleeping three hours a night and in a great amount of pain that made me miserable and beyond cranky. Thankfully, things are better and we are set to rights, but good golly, I was happy when the gentle caretaker left the building and my stern, but sweet HOH returned. Sometimes when he shows such gentleness I decide to march all over him as I used to. Not that I seek to do that, but I definitely do not show good character at that time. Meds or not, it's not acceptable and truly not a pleasant situation for anyone to want to be around!
When he does not stand up and deal with the issues at hand I tend to spiral down and make matters worse. I think it was with much relief when I told him this morning that I was feeling well enough for a reset, and reset he did! Bertha came out and paid her respects to my bum. When it was all over and I was curled up next to him he kissed my forehead and the feelings of being cherished washed over me.
I still wonder how and why this works, but today, right now, I'm just thankful it does. I relish feelings so secure and loved.
