Baker, Let Hoss Lead

As I was rereading my, "When Did...," post to publish again I was thinking through our summer thinking of the other changes that have been made.  One of the things that happened in our particular relationship is that I brought this to Hoss.  He did not ask for it.  He was not even sure he wanted it.  He questioned me.  Asking the benefits, why and how would we make it work, etc.  I had no idea.  I'd read, a lot.  I shared with him some of what I'd read.  We just knew we needed a change so desperately and I, personally, was tired of doing it all.  

I wanted him to take the lead and for the first time in our marriage I let go.  

I really and truly let go. 

Okay, not a 100 percent true.  

In my mind I let him lead.

Well, sort of.  

For awhile it felt like I was leading us into ttwd/dd.  For quite a while I was still trying to be THE BOSS by telling HIM how WE should do this.  I would criticize and question why HE did things this way or that.  Yes, most definitely, not him leading.  Some days were better than others.  More me topping from the bottom, I believe it is called.   It took me awhile to learn to step aside.  Or step back.  Back off, maybe.

We progressed.  

We learned.  

We experimented with things.  

I began to blog after tons of encouragement.  

This summer I've been learning to step back even further, as I really explored the "just being submissive without expecting dominance from him."    

Just working on me and my side of things.  

I needed to learn to hold my opinion, not talk over him or interrupt, accept that little annoying word, "No," when he put his foot down on some discussion or other.  Obey on things I struggle with, repeatedly.  

Those were issues he wanted me to improve on, but ones I just could not do, as it would, "Gasp!" require me to change. 

I know, hard, right?

Yes, I know, this is not news to anyone else, but me, well probably, but it was where I was at, for a very long time.   Kind of stuck, but slowly moving out of the mud into clearer waters.

Hoss said something that triggered me to reevaluate this further recently.  Something along the regards of, "Baker, you're only submissive when you feel like it."  

Okay, can you all just say, "Ouch!" in unison, so I can get it out of my head?

Unfortunately, what he said was probably true.  

Hush, now, I can hear you.

It was most definitely true.

We have always taken this slowly.

Snails pace slow, as we have many children here and sometimes (read a large part of the time) we just do not have time to focus on us.  

We want to.  

Us, is a priority.  

But people have to be fed around here.  

Things have to be cleaned.   

Schoolwork has to happen.  

Sports practices, scouts and church are normal, daily parts of the routine around here.  

Read, we are busy and Mom is well known for having a short fuse.  Like non-existent some days.

Momma and Daddy cannot stay in bed all morning and just focus on one another.   We do that occasionally, but most days that's just not possible.  

So, we make accommodations.  We stay up late or get up really early.  Spankings (good ones and discipline ones) happen early in the morning or very rarely with a silent implement and me hollering into a pillow with the television or radio playing loudly in the background with the kids told to go outside or watch a movie on the other side of the house.

We are growing a little each day.  

Set backs happen.  

Tuesday was a setback for me and a leap forward for us.  

I was melting inside.  Too many demands.  Feeling sick with an asthma flare up that would not calm down.  Kids were being very needy.  I called Hoss at work and he made suggestions.  I called my best vanilla friend who reminded me that kids are difficult some days.  Hoss called back to check in a few hours later.  I was better, but not coping as well as I should.  A second phone call from Hoss saying he was coming home.  He said I needed some stress relief.  He delivered and quite a bit of the angst and worry and stress faded away.  I was still not myself, but better.  The next day, he delivered maintenance and slowly I've been getting things better.  Clearer in my head and in my heart. 

I'm learning.  

He's stepping up more and more.  

I'm stepping back and letting him take the lead.

He's requiring more.  

Following through more.  

I think we grow at a microscopic rate.

Some days it's two steps forward and one step back.

Other times it's in leaps and bounds.

And still other times.... 

There's just us....

Holding on tight.... 

and loving the journey.

--Baker

Ella's Meme

Ella over at Ella Ever After, http://ellaeverafter0410.blogspot.com/ provided this lovely little meme and I finally had time to sit down and get my thoughts together.

1.  Name a tender song that can almost make you cry.  

Guaranteed tear jerker here is Danny Gokey's, "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again."  When my cousin passed last spring, I would listen to this song repeatedly.  It helped me to heal my heart.  

I also love, love, love, "You Are My Sunshine," as it was my Grandma's favorite.

2.  What is your favorite shade of lipstick?  What about nail polish?  If you do not wear lipstick or polish, what do you like or dislike about the shades you see others wear?

Personally, I rarely wear lipstick or nail polish.  Though I do not mind a nice soft lip gloss. If I do get talked into it, it's because I've allowed a child of mine to do my nails for me!  My mentor Baker was known for her bright colored lime green nail polish.  I thought it was wild and loved her uniqueness.  I think it's so up to the person what's right for them.  If you wear it or not it's up to you.  

3.  Name a children's nursery rhyme or song that you loved and to which you remember all the words.

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe," by Mother Goose

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread;
and whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

A predisposition towards being a spanko even as a child?  

Maybe the fact that I always wanted a houseful of kids and we actually ended up having a large family?  Who knows?

4.  What outfit would you put on in the morning if you wanted to feel happy and well dressed?  Something in which you think you look pretty damn good!

I just love a nice comfy pair of jeans or capris and a t-shirt, tennis shoes with my hair in a ponytail is how I'm most comfortable.

5.  If you had enough money to buy just one, would it be a cottage by the ocean or a cabin in the mountains?

Favorite place ever is the mountains, so that's an easy one to answer.  I took a graduation trip with a friend to the Great Smoky Mountains and it still remains my favorite place to visit.  I cried when Gatlinburg burned last fall.  It was where Hoss and I also went on our honeymoon.

6.  If you are old enough, which one of the Beatles did you have a "thing" for?  If you are not that old, tell us a musician that really did it for you.

LOL, not to be rude, but I'm way too young for the Beatles.   I really never had a favorite musician that I had a thing for, but I absolutely love Christian music and by far my favorite musician has been Rich Mullins.  His music has always spoken to me.

7.  Name a smell that you love - could be kitchen, outdoors, person, your choice.

Pumpkin spice, vanilla or apple cinnamon.  I also love the smell of fresh baked bread and homemade cookies.  I guess you could say I enjoy comfort smells.

8.  How often do you defuzz your legs.  Wax, razor, or electric?

Just a razor in the shower as needed.  


9.  How/why did you choose your blog name?

I so wanted to use, "No Cookie Cutter Life for Us," as it was a play on the name Baker, but Hoss said no.  He felt we might attract people not necessarily interested in ttwd or dd.  So Our Sweeter Approach to Life seemed a bit closer to what a ttwd name, and we went with that.  


10.  What do you like to eat for breakfast?  To drink?  Coffee or tea?

So I love hot chocolate or tea which are great with breakfast.  Though I love ice cream I actually rarely have it for breakfast.  To be honest, bacon is the best breakfast food in my book with a couple of eggs.   Or maybe a nice strawberry smoothie made with vanilla almond milk and greek yogurt if I'm in the mood for something sweet.

  

11.  How many siblings do you have?  Or are you an only child?  Are you the oldest, a middle, or the youngest child?

I have one older sister and I'm the baby by only 13 months.  


12.  What is your favorite salad dressing?

Honey mustard is my favorite salad dressing, but a poppy seed runs a close second.
    

13.  If you could sit next to anyone (alive) on a long plane trip, who would you pick?

I'm stealing Lindy from Downunder Dreaming  http://donwunderdreaming.blogspot.com/.  I have never flown and doubt I could without my sweet man, Hoss, beside me to talk me through the whole thing, so he'd be my own choice.  I have a feeling I'd have a sore bum to start the plane ride just to take the edge off.

14.  Have you ever gone shopping just to cheer yourself up?

Rarely to cheer myself up.  It's more of an escape from the kids to have the opportunity to be by myself.  I'm very introverted and time away to shop or really do anything without someone talking to me, is a favorite thing to do for me.  I cherish my alone time.


15.  If there is one thing that can make you lose your temper, what would it be?

I'm a hot head.  I have alot on my plate.  Before I had children I was very easy come, easy go and still can be as long as I plan well.  When I don't I lose patience very quickly with lost shoes or forgotten shin guards.  With Hoss its typically him being that one person to ask me to do one more thing that sets me off.  Yeah, I really struggle here, but ttwd is helping with this, all the time.  Answering with a sassy tone or sarcastic remark is usually the warning signs before a literally flip a lid.

  
16.  Tell us about the best photograph you have ever had taken.

I'm not sure if this means one I have taken or one I am in.  I have several great pictures that I have taken of the kids.  I'm not sure I have a favorite one of me though.  Hoss has one he took on his phone of us together on a scenic railway ride that I love, but I also have several selfies with the kids that I enjoy.  So, that's about the best I can say.

17.  Have you ever gone skinny-dipping and where?

No skinny dipping here.  Not sure if I could or would.  Hoss would have to do an awful lot of talking to get me over my inhibition to do so.


18.  What do you like on your pizza?  What don't you like on your pizza? 

Taco pizza, supreme without black olives or a ham and pineapple are my three top favs.

'

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

--Baker

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Not too long ago Amy, over at http://eric51amy49.blogspot.com, suggested we repost our most read post of all times.  Now, Baker is young, only a little over 50 in and there were not a ton to choose from.  My introduction and LOL days were the most read post, but those are not really posts in my book, so much as a "Hey, you whooo!  I'm over here!" kind of posts.  So, I reposted this one as it was number 3 and it kind of surprised me that it was so popular.  I think it is very interesting which posts are the most read and after reading some of your blogs, it kind of makes me wonder and ponder why certain posts come to the forefront.  In a way it can represent who we are as bloggers to others in blogland.  I will let you all wondering and pondering what made this one my number #3 post of all time!

When Did........

Not so many moons ago we started this little adventure and as I was pondering things this morning I came up with the reality that I have no idea when things changed.  I’m certain it was and is the same for most of you as well.  So, here is a bit of my wandering thoughts.

When did Hoss become a spanko?  Like when did that happen?  My sweet man who has always treated me like a prize (and continues to do so) and would never hurt me has become, a spanko.  Now, you ask, how do I know this? Well, the man gets a certain twinkle in his eyes when he or I mention words like Bertha, Senor Loopy or Sid.  He smiles wide and is at peace just by saying one of their names calmly to himself.  Yes, my friends, when did this wonderful man find his inner spanko.  As the old Tootsie Pop commercial says, “The World May Never Know!”  

I still love the tootsie pop commercial from when I was a kid.

When did this go from something I wanted. to something we both crave?  I’d love to know when that transition occurred.  It started out as something to help me feel complete and it evolved into something so much more than just being about me and my needs.  It became about him, me, us.  It strengthened our resolve to not be a statistic.  To cherish one another daily.  

Well, not exactly that kind of craving, but well....

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?  It was something to help our marriage, yes.  But when did it become where I meet him at the door excited to see him.  No, not Ward and June Cleaver stuff, but definitely something that is more affirming, more romantic, more intimate. Where I know he is in charge and it makes my heart beat faster just thinking of him.

Awwww

When did the spankings make things go from, “Hey, I’ll do this for you, but I don’t want to hurt you,” to “Hey, get over here, I’m going to spank some sense into you?”  Like, seriously, when did that happen?  I want to know when he went from spank carefully, my wife is fragile, to spank happy man? There are days I want Mr. Spank Carefully to return.  Geez.

This one speaks for itself.

When did once in awhile “exercise” become apart of the daily routine.  It “came’ quickly, I’d say.  Let’s just leave that one alone, why don’t we…..

Duh, no brainer.

When did the focus change from individual, do your own thing, to checking in and making sure we were both good with our plans.  That need to be connected daily and when the connection is not there it is not ignored, but felt deeply.  And knowing there is a way to improve it.

When did we become so connected?  I never remember allowing myself to feel so deeply and yet feel so much more myself at the same time.  Our connection has grown, but I also feel like we are both still so uniquely individual, but more of who we were before, if that make sense.  It as though by being a stronger couple we are allowed the freedom to be more of who we are as individuals as well.

When did I allow myself this vulnerability?  I have always been such an independent woman.  Even as a little girl I “didn’t need any help” and yet now I crave his help.  I want and value his input and wisdom.  In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I’ve allowed him to be affirmed in his role as my protector and leader than ever before.

I could not choose between the two of these, so I'm giving you both.

When did all of these things happen?  I do not know, but I’m so thankful they did.

I could go on, but I’m also very curious from the rest of you out there.  When did….(fill in the blank) happen?  I’d love to hear from everyone who stops in, even if you do not have a when did, please feel free to just say, “Hi.”  Thanks again for reading.

--Baker

P.S. Pray I can get back into blogging more often.  Life is simply, so crazy right now for us. 
Hearing and reading has been sporadic, at best, on my part, and I'm missing being here.  You all are an incredible support system and I appreciate each of you.