When we first started DD over two years ago, we really had no understanding of truely all of the wordage that is out there in regards to TTWD. I had no idea I was a TiH or Taken In Hand. A submissive? That definitely would not have described me, Biblically or otherwise. I stumbled over the words until I came to ones I was comfortable with before even talking with Hoss about all of these ideas. I’m not even sure now if I suggested I was a TiH he would know what that word means.
Now, around here Hoss is the Head of Household and, in private, will refer to himself as my HOH. This I find interesting, but it is how he views himself in our relationship and to be honest I find it very hot. Now, the other word out there we all hear a lot is the word Dom. Now, I’m pretty sure that Hoss does not see himself as my Dom, but we do use that word here, but more in the verb form.
I will often ask him to “Dom” me when I am feeling out of control or feel a need to be close to him. It may not be the right word choice for some, but it works here for us. I know he is my leader or HOH, but when he doms me it feels different. It’s almost a more intimate time for us. I love to say he is dominating me, but in our day to day relationship that is not how it works. Or at least that is not how I describe it.
Is anyone besides me completely confused here? I am, well maybe. I feel like doming me is more of a feeling I get when he is close and I desire him to tell me exactly what to do and how to do it. When he is in leader mode it’s all household duties, kid related activities and more businesslike as we manage our household and raise our children. So maybe I’m not so confused as much as unsure if we are using the correct words here. Not that it matters, except it does in my own mind. I’m pretty sure Hoss does not think it is important at all. It’s just titles after all, in a way anyways.
So, I guess my question to each of you is (you know there was one in there somewheres), how do you describe your significant other, your life partner, your soul mate? Is the person your HOH or your Dom? Do you see a difference by your use of titles or not?
Anyway, just me, being curious.
--Baker
I first read about TTWD from the TiH viewpoint, and altho I liked the mindset it didn't really fit the lifestyle (not married and all)
ReplyDeleteWe read more and thought Dom/sub was it. But as you might know now we're more Daddy and little. I think of myself as his girl, and he's my Daddy Dom. I don't think I ever differentiate between Daddy and Dom. They're one and the same for us.
But i do understand what you mean by "Dom"ing you.
Thanks, Fondles,
DeleteI think the terminology will be different for each couple. I definitely appreciate your input. I think your description fits you both perfectly.
--Baker
Hi Baker, great question! I think we tend to want to label things in order to make sense of them.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what others might think but to me an HoH could also be referred to as a Dom as they are head of household and are the ultimate decision maker etc. Not necessarily Dom in the BDSM sense. Having said that though, a lot of couples who practice DD also incorporate other aspects of ttwd into their relationship as well (not all of course).
Hugs
Roz
Thanks, Roz, I do think you are right. There is an ebb and flow to it all between what people incorporate in to their relationships. It shows us our ubiqueness in our individual approach to ttwd or DD or whatever we call it.
Delete--Baker
We have gone through different labels throughout the years. Dom/sub, always. Master and slave, when our lifestyle was intense. 24/7 and all consuming. A couple of years ago we landed on "Owner/property" and for me, that's perfect. I totally get what you mean, there is a different tone in the words and "Dom" works wonderfully as a verb. I like your perspective of HoH being more everyday/business manager. We don't have a word for that side of things but I see how it could apply :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, your perspective isn't even one I explored here, but wow,that makes perfect sense on how you approached it. Very interesting. I'm going to ponder that idea some more. I think I'm being a bit narrow minded in my word choices.
Delete--Baker
It is an interesting question. But I don't have an answer for us. HOH isn't exactly right because for so many years I felt like the HOH. Only in the fact that I ran the house, the kids, paid bills, I even cooked back in the day. Now most everything is done together. TTWD goes up and down and mostly I just think of him as my husband and that term has a special meaning for me.
ReplyDeleteOh,PK, you and Bleue,Roz and Fondles have got me thinking. Thanks for your perspective on word choices as well. I think of husband too,but that for us doesn't quite fit the entire portrait. In my mind,my man,is more than that, but than they all are...Good food for thought. Thanks!
Delete--Baker
Sam has never liked the HOH designation. He says it sounds like a census form. Around here, I think "Boss" would be something with which we are both comfortable. When I tell him that I love him, I usually include "mister" in the phrase. I also use "sir," but that probably doesn't count since I use "sir" and "ma'am" with mostly everyone.
ReplyDeleteHugs From Ella
Miss Ella,
DeleteWe use Sir and Ma'am alot here and originally Hoss was very uncomfortable with me calling him sir, so that is only used in the privacy of our room. I like your use of Boss or mister, those are both very original. Thanks for jumping in with your ideas. Very helpful.
--Baker
When we first landed in the Domestic Discipline world many moons ago Big Brother was established on tv. So HoH seemed funny to us. That being said even 2 years later Dom and sub bothered me when I joined chat rooms. Back then I associated it with BDSM and bedroom antics- or people who must be way more 'advanced' than us.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until a "Dom" challenged my line of thinking by simply laughing at me during a conversation and said " Xxxx you have ALWAYS been D/s".
I know for many TiH's this line of thinking isn't popular, but Dd is just an aspect that falls under the D/s umbrella. You can't have Domestic Discipline without D/s....Domination and submission. He Dominates by making and enforcing the rules, and 'you' submit by following or submitting to punishment. I did understand that, (eventually) but what about Dom and Sub? That didn't seem to fit us...until sub did eventually fit me. Not in a way depicted on Tumblr, but in our daily life. I discovered that is who I was/am.
Do I consider B a DOM? MY DOM? Meh...he's my husband in a D/s dynamic. I never call him my Dom. If I am in like minded circles I believe it to be understood .
So what do I call him? His name. LOL. On occasion, VERY RARELY he expects me to answer a question, " Yes Sir". On occasion I have been moved by the moment that I refer to him as Sir on my own. He has told me those times mean the most as he knows it is from the heart.
If I am to look at your last paragraph and where we arrived in 6 years I would say that here there is no difference between Hoh and Dom. B is always in both modes...or if life gets in the way the volume on both modes goes down together. It took him a long time to rectify in his mind that Dom/Husband/HOH were all the same person.
willie
Makes sense how things definitely evolve and each couple makes their own way. I appreciate your perspective on how it takes guys sometimes awhile to resolve it in their minds.me thinks it takes women some time too.
Delete--Baker
I was intrigued by this post, Baker ... some time ago I started a post titled 'When Fledgling HoH meets Bedroom Dom' ... however I didn't go much further than the title. It's related to an observation I've made ... when we started down this path, the primary reason was to explore the evolution of a long term D/s bedroom relationship to something more full time. My observation of Frank is there is a bit of a mind meld going on between the two 'personalities' (for lack of a better term) ... not anything I can quite put into words just yet but it's there. So perhaps, like us, altho you are further along the ttwd continuum, there is an evolutionary process happening for you ... sort of the reverse of ours ... if any of that makes sense :)) ... and 'Sir' is the name I am most comfortable with but its not used all the time ... nj
ReplyDeleteNJ, I appreciate your insight here. It's a good evolution of sorts, one I know each of us out here is on. It's a process, that's for sure.
Delete--Baker
Well hells bells, Baker...you could ask this question of 50 different couples and get 100 different answers. I had never heard of any of these terms when I was married to my ex...he was simply the husband and his word was law and my butt paid the price when I 'broke the law'. LOL
ReplyDeleteBottom line...whatever fits a couple's dynamic and comfort zone is what they should use.
Hugs and blessings...Cat
Totally agree, Cat. Ever couple is different. That's what makes us special.
DeleteI love how you put that he was the husband and his word is law. Your butt paying the price cracked me up because surely, sweet innocent Cat never ever got into trouble.
Oh, wait...aren't you the one who coined the phrase 'barn burner'? Hmmm...I wonder where you got that idea??? Lol!!!
--Baker
Baker, I don't really think I can add good insight to this one because I have read all the comments already and I am learning right along with you here.
ReplyDeleteBut, my first instinct and I am still feeling it, is just to tell you that, "Hoss is Boss." :)
Windy
Windy, you are so right!!! I love the HIB, Hoss is Boss, I can so get with that. We are all still learning, that's the best part.
Delete--Baker
Gosh, good question. I don't think we use labels unless we are referring to this blogging or story world!
ReplyDeleteMy Scotsman hates those labels and feels uncomfortable with them. Therefore, we just do what we do when we do it!
Awesome way to put it, Minelle!
Delete--Baker