I know...I know... it's really none of my business. But I'm so curious I cannot stand it. This is all Amy's fault. She started it. I promise you. We have been having this lovely little conversation about what our men spank for and what they do not believe in spanking for and thus...a post is born.
She has a way of doing that to me.... Making me think and all. I'm not a particular fan of overthinking, well, maybe I do..I really should think on that some more.
Anyway, that is not what this post is about (it's not about overthinking in other words). It's all about what do you get in trouble for? As in what makes your man (or woman in some cases) feel he needs to take you in hand? What lights the fire in his eyes or the twinkle? What pushes him to want to reset your fanny? Is it your mouth, a sly look, a rule that you did not follow? So many possibilities.
Now, for a great many of you who do this for fun, meaning it's a playful part of your relationship, do you ever find yourself on the receiving end of a little harder than normal swat due to something you said? Or maybe, he knows you like to be spanked hard, so he gives you those feathery brushes with a flogger that drive you mad?
For those who do resets, what constitutes the need? Do you have to shout out that you need one or does he notice your kindness slipping, your words becoming harsher? What motivates him to say enough is enough?
Now, what about those who are more into DD like Hoss and I are? Does it take breaking a rule, smarting off, being outright defiant (pretty sure on that one, but you never know). Here it takes losing my temper at him or forgetting my check ins (those little buggers sneak up on me some days even with my trusty alarm set). It could also be that I'm really short tempered and instead of venting lose it rapidly on him. Maybe it has to with me being so overwhelmed and I just need something to bring me down to earth and calm me down. He reads me, that man of mine, and I love him for it. The rules... I have a love hate relationship with those, but that's okay...I want them and he knows I need them to function to be the best me I can be.
What does he
not spank for or why wouldn't he spank?
When I need to be held because I feel I'm failing.
When I am sick and he needs to care for me and make me feel better.
When I feel lonely and need his touch.
When I am vulnerable or weak.
When he messes up.
When I'm sassy and teasing and playful....unless I cross a line...he says he loves me sassy.
Those are just a few reasons...I'm certain there are more, but than I'd have to do some more thinking, and well, who knows what other posts would be birthed out of that...ugh!
What about those in more of a d/s relationship? Those roles are more likely to be tighter defined would be my guess, but are there things he would definitely spank for and others he would ignore? Does he always spank or are there other ways he makes you feel submissive or in the right head space? Can you get away with playful teasing or being downright sarcastic?
These are just ideas and thoughts floating around in my head. Thanks, alot, Amy...geez woman as if I don't have enough stuff wandering around up there trying to work their way around that maze of a brain of mine! (Just in jest people, Amy, has a wicked sense of humor, too.)
So, my challenge to all of you out there is to encourage you to share what gets you in trouble, but even more what does he not spank for?
--Baker
Hi Baker, I love this post, and the pics lol. This is a great question and it will be interesting to see everyone's answer.
ReplyDeleteWell, as you know I don't get spanked for anything nowdays lol. However, when we were practicing DD it would generally be for breaking rules, attitude or being mouthy. We didn't do resets as such but did do maintenance spanking to remind us of our roles.
We also had a light D/s dynamic, but it was very much in the mmoment play rather than a full time dynamic.
Hugs
Roz
Roz,
DeleteI loved your answers. I think it's very insightful for all of us to hear what makes up someone else's relationship. I always have enjoyed hearing the whys and what it usually comes down to is what works for that couple...works for that couple because it's about them. That's what totally fascinates me. Again...thanks for sharing!
--Baker
Good question, Baker. Never ever slam a door. Telling him to do something instead of asking. That's way bossy. Getting frazzled from too much to do. Withdrawing. Sometimes forgetting to let him know where I am going or forgetting my cell phone. He also likes to know about when I will be home. Binge eating when I have asked him for help with healthy eating.
ReplyDeleteWe usually have some sort of weekend "adjustment" to discuss how we will have happy times.
There is probably more, but I need another cup of coffee.
Hugs From Ella
Miss Ella,
DeleteI needed a hot cocoa just to get through your list, lol! As I was saying above to Roz, that I am so intrigued by each response. We can learn so much about what is important to a couple just by hearing what the HOH will enforce. A few of what you said would make Hoss agree with Sam, especially the getting frazzled part. That almost certainly screams, "I need I reset!" I love your answers! Very much insightful.
--Baker
Update from Ella
DeleteYesterday afternoon, I had a lunch date with a friend. Forgot my phone and left the coffee pot on. For dinner I got a spanking and a lecture.
Ella
Miss Ella,
DeleteYou sound like you most definitely found something that ignites your sweet man's HOH-ness.
--Baker
... one of the things is sitting at the computer during the day, reading and commenting on blogs in ttwd Blogland, when I could be doing more 'useful' activities ... as in not procrastinating on the to do list for the day ... so on that note, I better get my butt in gear or it will be put in gear for me :>)) ... nj ... xx
ReplyDeleteNJ, you had me cracking up! That's definitely something Hoss will ask too. The "if you had time to talk or email so and so than you had time to do what needs to be done."
DeleteHere's to hoping you got your to do list done for today!
I'm so thankful you made time for stopping in for a chat today!
--Baker
Interesting post Baker. Oh Amy I don't think our friend needs much encouragement.
ReplyDeleteAs you know not much spanking goes on here lately due to our health. I like to bait Bear though by saying things I know will at least get me a swat. LOL! A girls got to do what a girls got to do. Or whatevs girlfriend! Pfft! Sorry rambling here and not really making sense.
When we were in the spanking mode it was just for fun. So play roles and stuff like that. No actual rules.
Hugs Lindy xx
Miss Lindy,
DeleteI have to say that I do NOT need any encouragement, but it sure is fun to have some! I love that Bear is always willing to give you those swats, but I do hope you get more of those fun ones soon. Feel better, my friend!
--Baker
Sometimes when I read the blogs I read -- and discussions come up like this -- I sit and stare at the screen......... this morning I am trying to remember a time (maybe THE time) when I did get punished for my negative behaviours... and honestly I can't.
ReplyDeletewith Sir Steve I seem to be a softer gentler version of myself -- even my children have noticed it -- youngest daughter joked a while back about the 'good drugs' I must be on... I set my goals for the week -- and Sir Steve will ask what I did on any given day -- but the house is clean -- the lil one attended to -- groceries in the house and meals on the table -- shrug -- I don't seem to get exasperated anymore or even that cranky -- if I do get cranky there's usually a good reason (like this week when the contractor broke my laptop)
I guess my spankings - now - are more a reward ... or when I am lost I will ask for one because they ground me......
Does any of this make any sense?? it doesn't really answer your questions though does it Baker ?
MS, it totally makes sense. Some people, like you or Lindy, just come by it more naturally. I think that's awesome that you do not have to be punished. I wish I could say I was in that mode. I just let so many things get to me, and we are so busy. I get overwhelmed and blow it. I'm better, but still a work in progress. I think you've found that part of you that doesn't need to fight it anymore. That you know what you want. I think it's beautiful when you get to that point in your relationship.
Delete--Baker
Hey Baker!
ReplyDeleteI get spanked for having personal conversations with friends who then feel the drive to post blogs about the chatter we've been undertaking. JUST KIDDING! Eric loves that we have in depth inquisitions regarding each others lives with our HOH's and he actually wishes I was writing more. He thinks it's beneficial to everyone when people are willing to share their experiences and I agree. Still boo hooing about him being gone, though. Seems blogging serves more as a reminder that I'm missing him than as a place to find solace.
Anyway, when he is home, Eric will not spank when I make a mistake which is when I think I deserve it the most. For example, I ran into a pole in a parking lot and put a big old scratch in the car. I felt terrible and fessed up, his paddle in hand, ready to take whatever he dished out. He hugged me instead and said he was just relieved I was okay. "The car can be replaced, Amy Lynn. You cannot."
Eric and I play a lot so most of our spankings are in fun, though those ten swats can still sting like crazy! Serious punishment? Rare. Resets - always when I've overstocked my plate and need my head cleared to handle it all. I have gotten to where I can ask for those.
Gotta run. Thanks for this post! The pictures are fun too.
Ames
Ames no i,
DeleteYou are a complete and utter goofball and I loves ya for it! Just so everyone understands I ran the whole post by her prior to publishing it--just saying.
I appreciate your take on this, friend. I know that your dynamic does include some of those harder ones on the rare occasion, so the input is helpful.
Have a good weekend!
--Baker
There is a lot I don't get spanked for. But attitude adjustment is one thing that I will get spanked for. Like you, my husband appreciates a little sass to keep him on his toes. An attitude adjustment is not fun though we do have a lot of fun spankings.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Blondie, those attitude adjustment stink. I do think that it's part of the sass that keeps my bum red. Lol! It's such a fine line, isn't it?
Delete--Baker
Nice thoughts. :) I get spanked when I start to get too cranky. I need to write a post sometime about what we've learned about that. That is what I get spanked for most of all, to help me release it all, not as a punishment. I don't usually get punishments. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've had a punishment spanking since we started 6 years ago. The Duke says I'm very obedient. He will also spank me if I'm feeling extreme guilt over something, to help me feel like I paid for it and can let it go, even though it wasn't my fault. He doesn't spank me for mistakes (unless feeling guilty), or when I'm sick. He doesn't punish me for getting behind in the house work because he knows it's either being ill, or needing time from smothering parents if I didn't. Love my Dad, but sometimes he's completely in my face for hours, and so I need away from him.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, need to think on this more. Sometimes I wonder if I'm spanked enough. We can go long stretches without it. Will talk to the Duke about it. :)
Hugs, EsMay PS, almost died over the last picture, sooooo funny! I want to live in that world. :) Well, until someone wants to punch me in the throat. Then I'll need a vacation day. :)
EsMay,
DeleteI appreciate your honesty. I'm glad you are not usually of the cranky persuasion. I think I can understand why the Duke feels the way he does. You are such a sweet friend and do your best to do right by those around you. I love the last meme. I don't think I'd always like that, but for a day or two, might not be such a bad world to live in.
--Baker