Pondering...
I often ponder my purpose in Blogland. I have asked myself these questions (and probably many more) over the last few months as I try to sort out my feelings about blogging and Blogland in general. I know this is more of a reflective, internal evaluation of myself, but I also feel other bloggers and maybe readers will be able to view this and consider some of the questions for themselves.
Come on, follow me down the rabbit hole or labyrinth, whichever you prefer to call it. Right now, I'm calling it a bit of a maze my brain feels the need to travel down.
I guess the main question is rooted in the following.
Why come here and blog? Isn't this whole spanking thing suppose to be private and personal? I mean this lifestyle is something most of us hide from everyone close to us in our real lives. Why share it with strangers or anyone for that matter?
I'm trying to figure this out and answer it. It's maybe not so much the why as it what purpose do I feel writing about our lifestyle meets. I originally came to make friends. Check that box! I've done that aplenty. Even been able to make me a few "not friends" in the process. I've made my way through and found those whose lives are, in some cases, quite a bit like ours and I've also found friends who are so vastly different but so accepting. Some are older, a few are younger or close to my age. All are kind, generous people, who, like Hoss and I, are on a journey to nurture our marriage in an unconventional way. Those are the friends I've kept close. I learn a lot from each dynamic, each perspective, but I no longer need blogging to make friends. There's always room for more friends, but it's not my sole purpose for blogging any longer. Question is... do I need it for other reasons?
Those thoughts lead me to the next questions.
Is there a point to sharing our story? In other words, does blogging serve a purpose in our lives? Are we educating anyone around us or is it simply a journal? A log of our journey?
Mostly, I think there is a point. It's just sometimes I struggle to find what others would find so interesting. I've spoken to other bloggers and I believe that many wrestle with the idea that what they have to say is important. I wonder if sometimes that is why I've stayed out of the picture for so long. It's easier not to come back, even if I want to. Because then I feel the responsibility to blog often and blog well. I also love to entertain while I write. I do not want to bore anyone. I just want to show that even at this busy stage in our lives that we, too, can have a DD lifestyle. That it isn't relegated to those couples without children or those whose children are grown. I believe we all want to show that Blogland is a place of diversity. That all are welcome regardless of what stage of life they are in. That each has a place or a purpose. We are all educating others through using our lives as an example to many. We show there is no right or wrong way to live this lifestyle.
Do others out there actually learn anything from us? Maybe...at least I hope so. I'm just never sure. I mean, seriously, folks. I know each of us wants to make an impact here. Whether the blog is for journaling or just to connect with others or to process their journey. I think all of us want to have an impact. I'm just not always certain if the impact is the one I want to make. I know I can be very silly and perhaps even witty at times, but I do take our lifestyle very seriously. If I don't, I know my sweet man will remind me too!
Maybe a further idea or question would follow along these particular lines:
Does this journey make sense to anyone besides Hoss or me? Do we have a particular place in the land that represents a certain type of people? Maybe...but I think everyone is welcome.
I like to think our journey is different than others in Blogland. We have many children, I stay at home, my husband works more than most, we are busy outside of just those factors. I think it's our journey. I feel the blog reflects that, but does it make sense to others. I often wonder if anyone else gets anything out of what I post. Some days it does not make sense even to us why we try so hard to make this work, except the benefits, are so great. I mean the closeness, the beauty of it all, the intense love we feel for one another. We just pray we are using the blog that in a way that shows others all sides of the story. That we are not sugar coating that it can be rough, but that it is rewarding as well.
I guess to go along with an earlier question/concept about blogging...
Does it help having friends in Blogland and if so what purpose do they serve?
I have very good friends here in Blogland. People I trust. I could be just as happy just chatting with them without showing up and writing here. I wanted to actually blog to make friends. I needed the support. I have that now, but somehow blogging still feels important. That there are others out there that may want to be encouraged, that are situations similar to us. Raising children. Trying to remain deeply committed to one another. Enriching our marriage. But the friendships, folks, if you do not have a friend from this community I can not emphasize the value that person can bring. The wisdom. The insight. The encouragement. The honesty. The ability to commiserate when one is facing or has just faced the barn burner of their lives....That is simply priceless.
So, I guess all I've done is simply spilled my guts out for all of you to view. What is that saying, the good, the bad and the ugly? Well, today, I kind of shared all of that with all of you. I think a big part of me just wants our journey is something that someone else can see that this can be done. That we're not the only ones going through this process with kids and work and all the stuff that makes our days pass by. That maybe we are having an impact, no matter how small, on the world around us. I guess, that's probably what everyone else desires too. That they have come here, to this place, and made a difference.
--Baker
Hi Baker,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great and thoughtful post and I'm so glad you shared this as I think many of us have asked the same questions and pondered our purpose in blogland.
When I first started reading and commenting on posts I quickly discovered what a caring, sharing and supportive community it is and I aso quickly realised that great friendships are made here. I wanted that connection.
Apart from the wonderful friendships, as you said, this lifestyle is not something we share with those outside of blogland (I refrain from saying real life family and friends because ttwd, blogging and blog friendships *are* real life).
There is a great connection with likeminded people here,and ttwd is unique to all of us. We each bring different backgrounds, different perspectives and experiences and therefore learn from each other and encourage each other.
I would therefore say each of us have a purpose here. Your posts have certainly given me food for thought. I always enjoy visiting here and treasure our friendship. You and Hoss are definitely an encouragement to those also juggling ttwd and family.
Hugs
Roz
Hi, Roz,
DeleteYour comment made me smile. I appreciate that you and I are similar in our thoughts about blogland. I think I struggle much because we are so different from other bloggers in the season of life we are in. We are different in a good way because we are unique, but it took quite some getting use to at times. I still filter through things as I type wondering if it matters to anyone, but us. But it matters and sometimes things need to be said and it's my job to share with the hope and prayer that it will help someone smile or lighten their loads or perhaps answer a question or two. Thanks always for your love and encouragement!
--Baker
Baker,
ReplyDeleteYou seemed somewhat reticent to ask those questions about the purpose of blogging for others and for yourself. Whether you blog has any impact on those who come to read. Liked the title of this post because I think we all ponder those questions from time to time.
In the beginning, I was just amazed that there were other women like me! For most of my life, I kept that secret from everyone in my life, including Sam. For a long time, reading and writing in this corner of blogland was like water to drink and air to breathe. Nowadays, I find it keeps me sharp and focused on our ttwd relationship. Like practicing an instrument or exercising my body.
I am always in awe of you and others that maintain this relationship with kids still at home. Visiting here and other blogs makes me think and identify and appreciate the diversity that is represented. I, for one, love to hear your thoughts. Keep pondering.
Hugs From Ella
Thank you, Miss Ella,
DeleteI do ponder and yet, I do hesitate to put this out there that I do. I think it's complex in my mind yet so simple when my fingers do the typing. It's like then my words will sometimes fly to express what's so deeply buried otherwise.
I appreciate your kind words and always am happy to see you visit here. I just feel like you always take the time with each comment and share from the heart.
--Baker
"I do take our lifestyle very seriously. If I don't, I know my sweet man will remind me too!" Love this. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad for the friendships I've made in blogland. I do have two friends I've known in person for years that know about DD, my two best friends. They don't practice though, so while they do know a lot about the dynamic, we explained it so that they weren't terrified I was being abused, it doesn't touch them to the core of who they are like it does with us and people here in blogland. That is why I find having friends here so important.
You really do share your own unique perspective, being only 40, with a child at home, and parents who moved in, I really love having you to talk to because you understand how busy things can be, how hard it can be to get time alone. You were so key in helping us find ways to be intimate so that no one would hear us. Which, thank you by the way! The Duke would thank you too! :P
I love blogging, simply for the title of this post. Pondering. Blogging makes me dig inside myself for truths much deeper than I would if I didn't. I really focus on what is going on, the whys, how it affects me, affects us, etc, and I know I wouldn't dig that deep otherwise, and it's really helped us grow because I do. The Duke reads every post, so that helps him see inside my head too. :)
I am so very thankful for you, and your blog. Hugs, EsMay
EsMay,
DeleteI always love reading your comments. I think you are quite insightful and helpful at getting those words out that sometimes seem to get stuck in my brain somehow. I love to see how confident you are and that you are definitely willing to stick your neck out and figure out how best to engage with trickier subjects. You do amaze me in such a good way!
--Baker
Usually I comment before reading others' comments but this time, I didn't. And I think that they covered pretty much everything that I would say to you. My blogging is an example of my mood, usually. Sometimes I just need to get something off of my chest, sometimes I am feeling naught or silly, and sometimes something else. Blogging is kind healing to me. I am glad that you have made some really good friends. You are easy to talk to and I have enjoyed our conversations. You are going through a lot what we just went through. Finally our kids are of age that they have either moved out or that we can find other things for them to do so we can have privacy. I am just amazed with you. Blogging reminds me of that old tune "make new friends but keep the old... silver and the other is gold". There are your old friends that are here to support you and you support them and then there are the new bloggers that are finding this community and you may be exactly the blogger that they need to see. It's a win-win.
ReplyDeleteBlondie, I often look to you as inspiration as you have learned this in a similar to ours in which you have the same privacy issues as we have. Part of me wishes we had started DD from the beginning of our marriage and raised our kiddos as this was just how we were raised. It's hard to explain to others how much having kids changes the whole process on DD. How you worry about how kids can know or not know or wonder what they do know and think about their parents. See there I go pondering again.
DeleteI do appreciate all of your words of encouragement. They really help!
--Baker
Hi Baker, :) We all come here (or land here) for different reasons. I think that if you feel like being here and writing, you should go for it! There are times when there doesn't feel like there is much to say, and that is okay. It feels good to be part of a community of like-minded people. I liked what Ella said about appreciating the diversity of members of the community by reading around too.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have made some neat friends! That was an unexpected benefit for me, and a special treat too! Keep on writing if that makes you happy, take a break when you feel like it, and have fun! Many hugs,
❤️Katie xoxo
Thanks, Katie t, for your sweet words. I do plan to stay, just often wonder what the purpose is and are we making an impact. I believe each of us has a goal and serve a purpose for being here and doing what we are doing. I just often wonder if I am doing what is needed and that I am being helpful by writing this down. I do love the friends I have made in Blogland and they are a priceless treasure that I only hoped to obtain when I first began blogging.
Delete--Baker
Hi Baker! I am not a blogger of our ttwd life (which, by the way, moves at a turtle pace) but I do blog about a different and very personal issue, so I can somewhat relate. If you are wondering if your blog is useful to others, then this "other" can say: for sure and without a doubt! This is a complicated lifestyle made more complicated because of the need to be secretive, which leads us to wonder about why we do/need this and if there is something "wrong." Having Blogland (I love that expression) offers a space to be honest about an otherwise taboo subject. Your blog helps to normalize ttwd while also helping to bring to light subjects we may not otherwise consider. There is the additional benefit of discovering that every couple struggles but those struggles can be worked through and in the end can strengthen the relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt is a brave thing that all of you ttwd bloggers do - to share your thoughts and experiences. Brave and kind and generous. You are making an impact and in the process you are helping marriages. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.
Deena,
DeleteYour kind words literally made my day! I am so blessed by what you said in your comments. I am thankful that you commented and appreciate your insight. It makes me realize that I am touching people even if I do not know it at the time.
--Baker
First time commenter :) Your post was timely for me. I've been lurking on a lot of blogs lately and emailed another blogger about how to find community. Her response was start a blog, lol. I am on the fence there as I don't feel I have anything to say, too new, too busy, too personal, too insert whatever.
ReplyDeleteI came searching for others and love all the blogs I have found as I wander through posts and blog rolls. Reading your blog has helped me to feel that I am not so alone in this. We have a small herd of kids and I SAHM also.
Hi, BDJswife, so happy you stopped in to say hello!
DeleteI am always happy to meet a reader and even more excited that you are a SAHM doing this thing. Not many of us here in blogland. Raising a herd of kiddos and doing DD takes alot, but you gain so much too. I'm happy to hear you are checking out the other blogs. There are a ton of great ones to glean from. Drop me a line if you'd like to email. I do not think blogging is for everyone, but if you are interested that's one way to meet alot of the community at once. If you'd prefer to take it slow, just email those whom you feel have like interests to your own. Other SAH moms out there are Blondie and EsMay. I'm sure there may be others, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head this late at night. You can find me at bakercarlisle1cor13@gmail.com. I'd be happy to do my best to help.
Thanks again for getting up the courage to say hello. I remember how hard that can be...
--Baker