I Heard You, NOT!

So Hoss told me to write this post.  So I did or rather I am.  Apparently, he feels, that yours truly has a slight problem.  I, personally, do not think I have a problem at all.  Alas, I will share with you, are lovely readers, and let you decide if this problem even exists or not.  (Okay, I know it does, but I still find it terribly hard to admit, even to myself).

Hoss had some time off between Christmas and New Year's in which he spent doing a great many projects around the house.  He returned to work, just to come home to quarantine a few days later.  Now, he is under the weather, but not to the degree that he is sick in bed kind of sick.  He's basically spent the few days catching up on some rest, bingeing his favorite shows and cleaning our room from top to bottom.  There is the basic storyline or set up for what is going on.  Are you ready for the issue at hand?  The problem, not problem?  Yeah, me too.  Here goes.

On several occasions, over the past two few weeks, Hoss has made the comment that Bertha needs to make an appearance for one reason or another.  I smile brightly at these times and change the subject as quickly as I can.  However, Hoss cannot be deterred from the conversation.  He will lead the conversation straight back to Bertha.  I cannot imagine why he thinks I'm not listening.  I'm listening aplenty, I just do not want to be...um...adjusted (in attitude that is.)  This whole discussion has not been said because I'm in trouble, but more because a reset is needed or Hoss just feels like I need a few swats to keep me in check.  Or maybe it is because I am teetering on the line of trouble, but we all know what an angel I am, so I hardly think that is the actual goal he has in mind.

Now, personally, I believe that Bertha deserves a better home.  Someone's home in which she could be out on display for some other housewife to glare at.  Bertha cannot like the dark safe she hides in, can she?  I mean, after all these years, you would think I would find someone out there who longs for a Bertha of their own.

Sorry, I got a bit distracted.  So on these occasions that Hoss has suggested that Bertha make an appearance and I have tried to avoid the topic all together.  I'm sure no one out there will believe that I can do a lot of quick talking to move the conversation away from Bertha or spanking in general.  I mean I am a self proclaimed spanko, but that gleam in Hoss' eye always makes me weary.  He has a definite love love relationship with Bertha.  I, on the other hand, prefers Bertha to stay away.  I mean a hand spanking most days will do the trick to warm me up, but Bertha is more a staple in, Keep-Baker-In-Line, kind of spanking, and well, that's not my favorite kind of spanking.

 A good example of one of these little talks went similar to what follows:

"Hey, honey, what did you call me in here for?"

"Can you sort out that mail for me?"  Hoss says nicely.  He had been sorting mail for awhile, trying to weed out what we could shred from last year and the pile was small considering all that he had been sorting through.  I, sort of, probably, rolled my eyes.  He frowned, but ignored me.

I quickly sorted out the mail and handed him the shred pile and took the mail we needed to save to the keep pile.  As I turned to walk away he asked me about another pile.  Now, my feathers were getting ruffled a bit.  I mean, he had kind of interrupted me, and I really do not being side tracked even for a good reason.  My attitude was really started to rear it's ugly head.  Maybe more than I realized.

"You know, I have realized that NO one can really hear me in here when the door is closed."  Hoss said rather matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I kind of noticed that too."  I knew what he was hinting at.  "You haven't tested your theory yet."  

He shrugged his shoulders a bit.  Obviously, not concerned about sound traveling whatsoever.  I made a face.  I know I did.  He made a face back.  One that indicated that I was over the line....Maybe I should not have said that.  I backed up.  So what did I say to help the situation?  I said, "I heard you, not."  This was said in teasing.  I understood what he was saying, even though he had not said a word.  It was my way of trying to lighten the mood.  Seeing that tactic did not improve his facial expression or body language I made an excuse and left abruptly.  

Well, being quarantined sure was not helped his spanking me desire.  He actually looked rather determined to spank me with Bertha with everyone home on the theory we would not be heard.  I knew I had trouble hearing him call out from the next room, and Hoss does not have a quiet voice.  Eek!  This was looking like a possibility.  

A short time later I ventured into our room again.  Testing the waters so to speak.  "Can you help me decide what to do with these books?"

"Sure," I said.  Hoss then proceeded to try to talk to me about something or other and midway through the sentence I finished his sentence.  Oh, my will I ever ever learn?  There was that frown again.  He started to say something again and what did I do?  Do we really need to say?  "I know, I know, I'm not supposed to interrupt you again."  UGH!  I did it again.  I did not let him get a word in edgewise.  His face turned a bit red and he closed his lips tightly together.  "I heard you, not."  What the heck?  I might have just signed, sealed and delivered my butt for Bertha.

Thankfully, Hoss is a gracious husband.  He just used his hand this time.  But I will definitely try a lot harder to not say, "I heard you."  

So, "Yes, Hoss, I heard you."  Loud and clear.  But I know there will come a time (and there already has) that what will cross my mind.  When I will think, "I heard you, I heard you not.".

--Baker