Sunday, November 13, 2016

I Learned Something New!

So recently our family went on a five day trip a half day’s drive from where we live.  There was a great deal of things to be done prior to the trip and I was a heaping helping of stressed out mess for my man to deal with prior to even leaving.  





There was a spanking the morning of our departure, but it had little to no effect on my mindset.  During the trip my attitude continued to deteriorate for some unknown reason.  The harder I tried to get myself under control the worse my sassy mouth spewed forth frustrated and angry words.  I am not proud to say this, but I was being a royal pain in the you know where.  




This trip was complicated by the fact that the majority of the trip required little to no privacy to deal with the stress I was causing my man and family.  Yes, keeping our children out of the loop of the change in our relationship is of the utmost importance.  Though they are seeing me submit more and argue less, the spanking part is well, done privately and away from listening eyes and ears.  

 My man and I did have two very long, uncomfortable talks which he kept requiring me to look into his eyes.  Now, you must understand his eyes tell so many things and I absolutely hated the disappointment I saw in them.  He needed the loving supportive, submissive wife that he loves, he got just the opposite.  A good portion of my attitude continued with:
AND

Do you see the cold look in that woman's eyes?  Yup, that was the air and attitude I was carrying as I still could not bring my stress level to a manageable level, even with the help of my kind man.  I’m not even sure who showed up for that trip, but I can guarantee she was a force to be reckoned with and a lady I hope does not show up again anytime soon.  

So, all of this lead to the following thoughts towards the end of our trip that really helped us both realize how much things have changed in the last several months.  I wrote this out at the time and think it is very pertinent to share, especially for those like us who are new to ttwd/dd.  

I have finally figured out something that has been plaguing my mind this whole trip.  Yes, this was kind of a duh moment here, but learning something nonetheless.  My man also is trying to figure out things.  I suggested to him that I believe a huge part of our problem right now is what we have set in place has been working, and working so well.  We have slowly been making progress.  The reason we are not functioning well this trip is because what used to work doesn't anymore.  Pouting, pulling away, angry words--you get the idea.  What works now is when I get an attitude he has a way to manage that attitude, relatively quickly and efficiently.  When I'm stressed out and need him he can help me with that as well.  There is not this constant source of friction, but rather an understanding where the boundaries are and what lines not to cross.  At home when I cross them usually things can be handled within 24 hours.  Things had gone unsettled for almost 4 whole days.  Here it's just hung over our heads like a dark cloud.  There is not peace only frustration.  His two talks have helped, considerably, but I have been craving more.  We are past the point that he would normally clear the air with a spanking and we both are desiring a reset.  Okay, he is desiring it and I am resigned to it.

The duh moment came to me when I realized my man wants the reset as badly as I do.  We both want the calmness this lifestyle has brought us.  We were driving to a quick errand and I told him I could not wait for tonight for the one on one time with him in our own little tent.  He grinned, a smile I have missed seeing for several days--the mischievous smile, and said he is looking forward to it in more ways than one.  A few swats should get things going he said.  My heart settled.  I love that he loves this as much as I do it.  So, things are improving.  Lots of talking in bit and pieces as time has allowed.  So we found out that the ttwd/dd is working.

So what happened when we got home?  I know that is what everyone is dying to hear.  Well, let’s just say that I literally felt his wrath on my bum in a way I never, ever want to feel again.   I was literally toasted and roasted with Big Bertha the "Blanking" Bath Brush.   Let me just add that the next few days were blissfully calm and peaceful in our home, even if sitting was very comfortable for yours truly.  I had found the reset is what I desperately desired to set things right.  That the guilt for acting so horrid was erased and everyone was happy to see the return of the mommy and wife I strive for daily.

So how do you handle vacations and other times when things can not be handled right away?  What tactics does your spouse use to let you know you are pushing the line or have blazed across it?  I'd really love to glean from what you all have learned.    

--Baker

20 comments:

  1. Hi Baker, I am glad that things are okay now. I am guessing that next trip you will be able to cope better as you are both aware of what is happening. This situation wouldn't really arise for us, we might miss our playtimes but that would be as far as it goes. No useful advice here, sorry.
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Jan,
      I appreciate you stopping in to say, "Hi" and yes, I think it was just more of a realization for us that things were working well.
      --Baker

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    1. Thank you, Leigh,
      I'm glad it worked too.
      --Baker

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  3. Perhaps you could suggest a preemptive spanking before the next trip - and maybe you could suggest it with somethings less deadly that big Bertha in your hand to offer him.

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    1. PK,
      He did a spanking before we left, but it was early in the morning and by the time I was running around with my head cut off a few hours later trying to get us out the door it was as if he hadn't even spanked me. Any attempt I have made to get him to use something besides Bertha has always fallen in the silent category (very, very quiet implement and stings like no one's business) and I really dread going there. Thanks for the suggestion though! It's always nice to receive good advice. I'm certain next time he will make certain I'm settled before we walk out the door.
      --Baker

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  4. Hi Baker, just popping in now that things seem to have calmed down a little here. I'm so glad you both got the reset you needed and that peace has been restored.

    Oh s..t, sorry, another quake just hit as I was typing. A pre-emptive spanking may help. Words,tone, looks, touch and subtle gestures that reinforce roles.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi, Roz,
      Hopefully things will settle down quickly for you all and glad you are safe!

      We are thinking on some things that may be helpful here, but at the time every warning I was given I either ignored or just could not bring myself into check. The feeling of being so far gone was very evident to me, that at that point I knew there was only thing that would truly settle me. Thank you for your suggestions. We are always learning, aren't we?

      --Baker

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  5. Hey Baker...Thanks for sharing and happy everything is back on an even keel. Really do suggest that in the future, prior to leaving, you two take the time for a preemptive spanking. I know those silent, stingy implements are no fun but if you are around children, family and/or friends with no privacy, they are somewhat of a necessity. ;)

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. An evil necessity is more like it. Yes, I had a "preemptive" spanking, but it was early in the morning it did not stick so to speak. In hindsight, it should have been right before we left and unfortunately, yes, the evil, quiet implements should have been considered. We have learned though, and I have a feeling that the next time we are up for such a trip the measures taken will be much different.
      --Baker

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  6. Baker, not sure of how to advise here. It has to be so very much more difficult to maintain a ttwd relationship with young children around.

    I do think you are lucky to have a husband who is supportive and wants to assume that role with you. Perhaps the best person to talk to would be him. Talk about how you felt out of control and see what he thinks might help. Spanking is not the only way to reset.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. Hi, Ella,
      The wonderful thing is that we did talk. We are still working to see what is effective, but sometimes things are just not easy to figure out at the time. Work in progress is all I can say. Thank you for your kind suggestions, they are much appreciated!
      --Baker

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  7. Hmm, wish I had a great suggestion. I think a more intense session prior to leaving would help.
    My guy would probably say something half in jest.....in front of others.... it may make me blush but also smile and calm.

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    1. Minelle,
      I think you are right about it just needing to be more intense, unfortunately. My man will use teasing me a bit to help me change my mood as well.
      --Baker

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  8. Baker,
    We travel a lot and Jack will not spank in hotels...... period. So a reset is always done upon getting home. A simple RA causes us to refocus on our roles and get back to the way things are suppose to be for us. It works and it sounds like it worked for you too. A simple hand on my knee while we are driving can settle me down and his words are mighty important as well. I do listen....... oh, yes.
    Meredith

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    1. M,
      It did help to be refocused. I was surprised at how much things just melted away once we were home and things had been reset, so to speak.
      --Baker

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  9. Hi Baker, :) I can imagine that it must be hard for both of you to handle situations that come up when traveling with the family. I agree with Meredith- it is difficult to spank in hotels anyway. We also do not tend to do that.

    I think that a pre-trip spanking is a good one. I know that you had one, but perhaps there should be a sit down, to go with it, where you and your hubby talk about times that may be more apt to lead to your getting out of control. Perhaps he can signal you with a word, or something like that. It can help you to get your behavior in check.

    Remember that the bottom line (ok, pun intended- lol), is to do things in a way that brings harmony to your family, and to your relationship together. I have found, especially early on in our dynamic, that looking at the big picture of what I am trying to do, and how old patterns made Rob feel, keeps me from bringing back the habits that I know were wrong. There is no room for those things in our relationship. I love him. I don't want to do those things. So maybe some thought to that, as well as a lot of talking with your hubby before, and even during, with your goals in mind will help. Then as Meredith said above, a nice reset, and discussion, and lots of mighty fine loving, will help you stay on track. Hope that helps in some way! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Katie,
      Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. I definitely take them to heart. My man and I are gleaning alot right now from the ones of you with more experience. It is very helpful knowing that others still have times of struggle, but eventually the struggles are fewer and farther between.
      --Baker

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  10. Hi Baker, Glad to hear your reset worked when you returned home. We don't have that problem as we don't stay with anyone. What about some alternative punishments to make you stop and think about your attitude.

    Hugs Lindy x

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    1. Lindy,
      Good ideas, I'll ask my man to give it some thought.
      --Baker

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