I Learned Something New!

So recently our family went on a five day trip a half day’s drive from where we live.  There was a great deal of things to be done prior to the trip and I was a heaping helping of stressed out mess for my man to deal with prior to even leaving.  

There was a spanking the morning of our departure, but it had little to no effect on my mindset.  During the trip my attitude continued to deteriorate for some unknown reason.  The harder I tried to get myself under control the worse my sassy mouth spewed forth frustrated and angry words.  I am not proud to say this, but I was being a royal pain in the you know where.  

This trip was complicated by the fact that the majority of the trip required little to no privacy to deal with the stress I was causing my man and family.  Yes, keeping our children out of the loop of the change in our relationship is of the utmost importance.  Though they are seeing me submit more and argue less, the spanking part is well, done privately and away from listening eyes and ears.  

 My man and I did have two very long, uncomfortable talks which he kept requiring me to look into his eyes.  Now, you must understand his eyes tell so many things and I absolutely hated the disappointment I saw in them.  He needed the loving supportive, submissive wife that he loves, he got just the opposite.  A good portion of my attitude continued with:

AND

Do you see the cold look in that woman's eyes?  Yup, that was the air and attitude I was carrying as I still could not bring my stress level to a manageable level, even with the help of my kind man.  I’m not even sure who showed up for that trip, but I can guarantee she was a force to be reckoned with and a lady I hope does not show up again anytime soon.  

So, all of this lead to the following thoughts towards the end of our trip that really helped us both realize how much things have changed in the last several months.  I wrote this out at the time and think it is very pertinent to share, especially for those like us who are new to ttwd/dd.  

I have finally figured out something that has been plaguing my mind this whole trip.  Yes, this was kind of a duh moment here, but learning something nonetheless.  My man also is trying to figure out things.  I suggested to him that I believe a huge part of our problem right now is what we have set in place has been working, and working so well.  We have slowly been making progress.  The reason we are not functioning well this trip is because what used to work doesn't anymore.  Pouting, pulling away, angry words--you get the idea.  What works now is when I get an attitude he has a way to manage that attitude, relatively quickly and efficiently.  When I'm stressed out and need him he can help me with that as well.  There is not this constant source of friction, but rather an understanding where the boundaries are and what lines not to cross.  At home when I cross them usually things can be handled within 24 hours.  Things had gone unsettled for almost 4 whole days.  Here it's just hung over our heads like a dark cloud.  There is not peace only frustration.  His two talks have helped, considerably, but I have been craving more.  We are past the point that he would normally clear the air with a spanking and we both are desiring a reset.  Okay, he is desiring it and I am resigned to it.

The duh moment came to me when I realized my man wants the reset as badly as I do.  We both want the calmness this lifestyle has brought us.  We were driving to a quick errand and I told him I could not wait for tonight for the one on one time with him in our own little tent.  He grinned, a smile I have missed seeing for several days--the mischievous smile, and said he is looking forward to it in more ways than one.  A few swats should get things going he said.  My heart settled.  I love that he loves this as much as I do it.  So, things are improving.  Lots of talking in bit and pieces as time has allowed.  So we found out that the ttwd/dd is working.

So what happened when we got home?  I know that is what everyone is dying to hear.  Well, let’s just say that I literally felt his wrath on my bum in a way I never, ever want to feel again.   I was literally toasted and roasted with Big Bertha the "Blanking" Bath Brush.   Let me just add that the next few days were blissfully calm and peaceful in our home, even if sitting was very comfortable for yours truly.  I had found the reset is what I desperately desired to set things right.  That the guilt for acting so horrid was erased and everyone was happy to see the return of the mommy and wife I strive for daily.

So how do you handle vacations and other times when things can not be handled right away?  What tactics does your spouse use to let you know you are pushing the line or have blazed across it?  I'd really love to glean from what you all have learned.    

--Baker