Repeat Offender

I am a repeat offender.  I make the same mistakes over and over again and expect different results.  I know, that's kind of the definition of insanity, and I will not plead that as my case.  I just do not always know how to get control of this thing attached to my mouth called my tongue.  It seems to get the better of me most days.  People who used to know me prior to being married and having children would say I had amazing control of my tongue and knew when to hold it and when to speak.  Now, not so much.  Now, I tend to speak whatever I am thinking (or not thinking in some cases) and those things come pouring out with amazing speed and well, to be honest here, it gets me in trouble.  Like, um, let's just say trouble of mammoth proportions.

So, guess who's working on taming her tongue?  Her attitude?  Her tact?  Yup, me.  I am known for being sweet and kind, but my family can feel the brunt of my temper.  Sarcasm is usually my weapon of choice and unfortunately, my kind, thoughtful children are beginning to I inherit this ability.  That of course was never my intention, but it happens.  They do what we do and not what we say (okay, they do repeat what I say sometimes, but I am not helping my case here.)

Well, my hubby does not like me to have a sarcastic attitude.  He says it is rude and disrespectful.  You know where this is going correct?  I become surly and negative when I am sarcastic.  I do not know when to quiet myself and become submissive.  It's funny, that when I do find myself trying to control my tongue I bow my head down and close my eyes and breathe deeply.   I know, very submissive, right?  When I am not attempting to control my tongue I am very animated.   My man would prefer me to take those deep breaths and get myself under control before speaking.  I struggle with this.  I like to have the last word.  I do not like what he has to say.  I want to be right.  Well, that's how things used to be ALL the time.  Now, well, there are consequences that are not fun when I get “snarky” and “sassy” and “rude” to my man.

That takes us to yesterday.  I had been very rude, again (deep remorseful sigh) the day (Sunday) before.  I had gone off to bed in a huff and blamed it on the time change throwing me off.  That and just feeling plain grumpy.  Okay, I was doing my best to avoid anymore trouble.  I was tired, so I went to sleep quickly.  Now, we tend to get up early around here (we meaning hubby and me).    So he was getting ready and I know I needed a bit of a reset.  I prefer he takes care of things before he is dressed because he will usually let me lay over his lap.  I prefer that.  This was not about my preferences though.  He had me lay on the bed, which does not happen often.  I grabbed my pillow and crossed my ankles.  I had been told this helps and it does.  What I did not expect, was him putting my ankles between his thighs to keep me from moving.  I was pinned, folks.  That was really hard for me to take, but actually helped (for the most part) to stay in place.  I still managed to roll to my side at one point, but he was able to flip me right back and keep going without missing a beat (LOL, that pun was not intentional)

I have already been very vocal to all of you about really hating big Bertha, but let me mind those of you who may not know, I despise the bath brush.  My man likes wood.  He likes the way it thuds or he can keep a beat with it, who knows, because I sure do not.  He made it very well known to my backside that he did not appreciate in any way shape or form my attitude from the day before.  Well, funny thing happened as I lay there submitting.  With every swat I felt that attitude fleeing.  I felt the snarkiness run.  I felt the relief flood over me.  All the stress and grumpiness that lead to all the attitude, gone.   It was like I was released.

When it was over, yes, I had a mighty sore bum, but I had something more.  I like the idea of being centered, but also just peaceful.  I like that this gives me a way to reset my heart and mind and I feel like I can cope again.  That I can control myself, especially my tongue.  I went on to have a really good day.  I always have a few minor blow ups throughout the day, especially when I'm more tired during the evening hours, but they were minor.  I was able to feel my man's support as we called back and forth during the day to check on how things were going.  I was able to hear him talking words of encouragement (which I have a hard time doing when I'm having an attitude).  I do not believe I was rude to him during any of our phone calls.  He had a sweet, calm wife and our children had an attentive mommy who listened and did not become frustrated with them.  It works, folks.  It just works.  I do not pretend to know why, I just know it does.  I believe as time goes by my ability to be a repeat offender will be lessened considerably.  What do you think?  Have you found the longer you've done DD/TTWD that you find yourself less likely to be a repeat offender?

Thanks for stopping in for a visit.  I'm happy you came by.

--Baker