If your significant other (in our case this would be Hoss) had brought ttwd/dd to you, would you have agreed to participate? So basically, Hoss asked me, if he had been the one to want to pursue ttwd/dd would I have agreed to participate?
And for those of you where it was just an original part of the plan (ie you knew before you got hitched or got together) how did you respond? Did it take time for you to adjust? Were you an eager and willing participant from the get go?
So, folks, flood the blog with your take on this question. There's really no wrong answer to this question, so have at it. I'd really love to hear your opinions! Thanks!
--Baker
For those of you who would prefer to comment privately, I can be found at bakercarlisle1cor13@gmail.com. I really do want to hear each person's take on this topic.
I can answer this one so very easily - I would have said yes so fast his head would still be spinning. But that's because I was definitely a born spanko and wanted this long before I met my husband. So I would have definitely gone alone. I'll be watching your comments here and then I might have a question for everyone.
ReplyDeletePK,
DeleteYour question was excellent! Made me think and think and think some more. I know if Hoss had brought this to me saying we were going into this spanking lifestyle I may have balked, but I think I would have seen his side, eventually. Especially if he had been dominant from the beginning, swoon! LOL!
--Baker
LOL Baker...in both of my relationships, there was really no discussion until after the first spanking. The first time my fiance spanked me, I asked "do I have 'spank me' written across my forehead?" Had more of a discussion with him than with ex. So I guess my answer is yes, I did go along with the wild and crazy ride...twice! :D
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings...Cat
Cat, dear sweet, Cat, I am almost a 100 percent sure there is a "spank me" tattoo on your forehead somewhere!!! Lol! You were blessed twice over, I'm guessing. I was interested in your take on this subject, so thanks for your answer.
Delete--Baker
I would have. My Scotsman spanked me before we were married and threatened in many a LOUD voice, many, many times. However the first spanking was pretty mild. I have been threatened with spankings many times by boys when young and men later prior to getting married. Guess I'm a spanko too! As if you didn't know!
ReplyDeleteMinelle, you take the cake! You and Cat were apparently cut from the same cloth! I'm guessing with all that activity prior to marriage that your "spank me" tattoo is bigger, but still rivals Cat's tattoo!
DeleteYeah, kind of figured out the spanko part when I visited your blog and saw all of your beautiful pictures. Spank on!
--Baker
I would have said yes to my dom if he would of come to me and asked first.
ReplyDeleteSubone,
DeleteI am glad you gave your input! So far each person seems to be in agreement that they would have gone along too! I love that you're right there with us!
--Baker
A BIG yes from me. Bear spanked me right from the beginning until the children came along then we took a break. Good to be back into it again though.
ReplyDeleteHugs Lindy xx
Okay, Lindy, you get to go with the "spank me" tattooed girls above! I love that you and Bear started your relationship that way. It shows such trust.
Delete--Baker
What an interesting question, Baker. If Sam had come to me and asked for a domestic discipline relationship with him as HOH, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. However, I have always maintained that there were periods in our marriage when the level of trust would have prevented me from giving up to him in many areas. For us, ttwd bloomed when the conditions were just right. There is a strength behind it.
ReplyDeleteKudos on your creative thinking,
Ella
Ella,
DeleteMy sweet man was the one who asked me this very question and I told him, "yes" immediately, but afterwards gave it more thought. I, too, believe that timing is very important in the approach. I pondered this question for awhile and wanted others to weigh in on it too. Thanks for your insight.
--Baker
I'm also a born spanko, so if Ron had asked me if I wanted a ttwd relationship, I would have jumped at the chance. As it happened, he was the one who first initiated spanking, although my numerous spanko/BDSM books might have been a tip-off.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
Hermione,
DeleteThanks for dropping in and sharing. I love that your 'hints' lead him to asking you! It surprises me that quite a few of the bloggers seem to have had 'spank me' tattooed on their foreheads. Lol! I love your story! Very cool, indeed.
--Baker
Baker,
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed an interesting question. Ella has nailed it. Conditions were just right for us and we took right to it. With my career and his as well, we were very independent people. When things changed, we changed. If he had asked me to join him in ttwd, with him leading, I would have said yes, but when the circumstances were right, I knew it was for us. He asking me would have been historic though. Great question.
Meredith
Thanks, M,
DeleteI'm with you and Ella on timing being extremely important. It does seem to be something I know would not have worked well for us a few years back, but now it has become a perfect fit. This question and everyone's answers has provided me much food for thought.
--Baker
I think I would've said yes. I asked my husband if he would've come to me and he said he didn't think so. Our society deems men in charge as bad and men that spank as worse. He said it would've been hard to overcome that stigma without the freedom my first approach gave.
ReplyDeleteS,
DeleteWhat wonderful insight from your man! I never really gave much thought to that being a deterrent to men having to go against societal norms. Very good perspective.
--Baker
Baker.. So if Sir would have approached me and asked for a TTWD lifestyle with me being the dominant one.. I would have done a double take and initially thought Ick... particularly if this occurred early on in our relationship. Now, while I still don't like thinking about it, I would listen, try my best to understand and perhaps even though uncomfortable would have been willing to try at least one even though I am already certain it would not work for us. Part of this stems from our biblical beliefs that the man is the leader of the home and that will never change for both of us. While we dated there were early spankings and Sir taking most direct and concise leadership which I was attracted to. Once married this only increased only neither one of us knew there was such a specific lifestyle associated with what we were naturally doing. Only since I discovered this through research in 2011 by googling.. have we continued to evolve and move forward in this lifestyle so that our 40+ year relationship would continue to thrive and grow. While hard, I am glad we did even though things don't often look as other's. I am now focused on us and what is working for us and am hopeful we will make some positive strides this year. Great question and food for thought.
ReplyDeleteAnnabelle,
DeleteI'm with you. Biblically speaking it would go against my belief system for me to be in the leadership role, but we did struggle with this issue for awhile in our marriage. I had way too much control and slowly we are making our way towards a better balance. I'm glad it made several folks step back and pause and give the question some hard thought. I do have to put you on the 'spank me' tattoo list that I began working on once I realized more bloggers started their relationships this way than I knew about. Thanks for your input!
--Baker
If my guy had come to me making the suggestion I would have said yes a thousand times. I do agree with Ella and Meredith though....timing is everything.
ReplyDeleteLaurel,
DeleteI do believe timing is such a valuable thing to consider. I would have said yes as well, but also timing for us was important. I'm thankful you stopped by and provided such good insight.
--Baker
To be honest, I would have most likely said something like are you kidding me?! but I definitely would have given it sincere consideration at the very least, but with how things are now with him being my Dom, I would not want to be the Dom, I would still want to be the submissive one
ReplyDeleteMegan,
DeleteI appreciate your honesty! I giggled at your response. I think I'm with you, I could not dominate my hubby. We are happiest in our traditional roles.
--Baker
Hi Baker, :) Interesting question! I have to agree with Megan above. If Rob had approached me early on in our dating or marriage, I think that I would initially have said, "Are you out of your mind?" I was very independent and knew little about things other than vanilla. While I have always enjoyed those childhood books that had a spanking bit in them, it was not something that I had realized back then.
ReplyDeleteTiming is everything though, and had it been later in our marriage, with enough info, I would have said yes to Rob. I cannot see him bringing up something like that. He sure took right to my offer! :)
Rob says that he is the spanker and I am the spankee. If the tables had been turned, I would have heard him out and agreed to spank, even though I cannot even imagine it. I just think that it is about making each other happy, and if it was truly important to him, I would meet his needs. But alas it is I OTK, on a regular basis! LOL! Interesting question, Baker! Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Thanks for stopping in, Katie. I love the honesty in your response. Early in our marriage I would have thought Hoss was nuts, but if he had approached me with him being the HOH I would have had to give it some thought too. I was not in touch with this part of myself either, always just thought I was an odd ball for liking spanking. Thanks for your response! More food for thought.
Delete--Baker
HI Baker,
ReplyDeleteSince I am looking for my guy, the shoe is definitely on the other foot or under the bed or something for me. What I am finding is that looking for a dd relationship, often times that is all the man wants to talk about, so I think timing is important for me too. I want to know if I like a man, if we have common interests, if we have common outlooks before I want to hear about dd.
I know I have thought about spanking since I was a little girl, so I am in the boat with the rest of you, but I don't want to be with someone who our only thing in common is spanking.
So, I guess the bottom (eh hm) line is that if we liked each other and were looking to make a life together and then I would be all in.
Cygnet
Cygnet,
DeleteI love your perspective on this topic. You know what you want and also what you value. That is so important. I also think it's great that you are not willing to settle to meet only one part of your desire for a spouse,but want those needs and wants provided to you in non-dd ways as well. Good for you!
--Baker
Yes I would have agreed.
ReplyDeleteSeaside Dreams,
DeleteI'm happy we are on the same page.
--Baker
Okay, my perspective is one of guy, a spanker, with a bit of a switch. And I guess I am speaking from a different planet. But... If a girl tells me she wants to be spanked I will be very happy indeed. But then I would ask what it is exactly that she wants (and btw, what is that ttwd? I know it stands for ‘the thing we do’, but what is it exactly’? and why do you call it that way?:). If she tells me she wants a jolly good spanking because it makes her lose her head of excitement, she gets hot and intimate like with (almost, hopefully) nothing else, she’ll be sooner across my lap or a stool than she can notice. But if she tells me that she needs some kind of emotion / behavior regulator, in the form of my hand or a leather belt, my answer would be “No”. And I’ve been thinking long time about it, so it’s not just about that I am into erotic spanking and not real disciplinary spanking (would-believe disciplinary spankings, yes, I am, all the way). It’s really more about an understanding of relationships, maturity, roles, personal development and responsibility. And definitely, a real disciplinary spanking cannot be fun, because a fun spanking would not be a punishment, would it? So, my answer would be “no”, because if you have some issues to deal with, the force to deal with it is not outside you but can only be inside. And if it is not there, a leather belt will not help. That is at least the case with mature persons, who recognize their issues and want constructively deal with them. That’s their mature decision, and there is value to it. If it is forced, with physical force, there is no value to it.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s more, and that’s what I brought up on PK’s forum sometime ago. I have not even a scruple of belief that a spanking can be any incentive to change, for people who want/need/desire/crave spankings. Where is the punishing factor? How unpleasant would it have to be to become something to fear (that’s the way a punishment is supposed to work isn’t it?) I have been told many times that the disciplining spanking from a man is the expression of his care for his woman. Fair enough. But that is exactly the way how it is a disincentive to change, because a woman wants to see and feel, very palpably, that care. Any example of a “defect” (what a word) that has been removed by spanking? And as soon as there a bit of erotic excitement in all this, we are back in erotic spanking, disguised as DD, ttwd, whatever you call it.
Mobby,
DeleteI definitely appreciate your perspective. To each his own is my opinion on this though. What works for some does not necessarily work for others and vice versa. Neither opinion is wrong, just different. Thanks for stopping in.
--Baker