Thursday, May 19, 2022

PK's Questions


It has taken me what feels like an eternity to finally answer PK's questions. Why? Partially because I've been busy, but mainly because they were thought provoking and downright hard! Thanks, PK, for stretching my brain a lot!  I'm glad you asked these questions and happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

Without further ado, here's PK's questions:

Baker,

Is spanking something you've been interested in all your life? Or did it come to you as a mature adult? Has he ever started this part of your relationship, then just seemed to stop?

But this has me wanting to add another question to my list. You're raising kids, is this lifestyle something you would ever suggest, maybe even recommend to one of your kids? More to your sons? To your daughters? I mean if they ever came to you seeking marital advice, would TTWD come into your answer?

PK


Let's break these questions down a bit.  First question, "Is spanking something you've been interested in all your life?"  Second question because the two go hand and hand.  "Or did it come to you as a mature adult?"

Baker's Reply:

I would say for me, yes, probably.  I'm not exactly sure how to answer this because it was something that just sort of fascinated me when I was younger.  I remember rereading children's stories that had spanking in them.  I had no idea why though.  Maybe because I was a good kid and rarely was spanked.  It was not my parents' go to option.  A cross look or word usually did the trick for me as I hated for them to be disappointed in me.  But spanking was something that took away my guilt when it happened and I definitely still associate those feelings of retribution for a wrong being righted today. 

When I got older, college age and older, I did not really give it much thought.  I was a busy young wife and mom and the last thing I had time for were stories about spanking.  It wasn't until Hoss introduced me to Fan Fiction that I even thought about spanking in those terms again.

Hoss' reply:

Never even thought about it.  My mom was one of those that took spare the rod spoil the child to heart.  I knew I didn't want to be like that to my kids.  It wasn't until Baker and I were having some fun one night and I popped her on the bottom a couple of times during our fun time.  The look that came over her face.  I could definitely tell a light bulb had just gone on.  But let me back up and say that Baker and I didn't date.  I courted her.  Dating for the purpose of marriage.  Not dating to be dating.  

PK's next question, "Has he ever started this part of your relationship then just seem to stop?"

Baker:

I think I will let Hoss tackle this question.  But my two cents is that we stop and start alot.  Well, at least since I got sick.  Before then, I feel like consistency was less of an issue.

Hoss:

Dude, it starts and stops all the time.  I will say that I felt like I got my voice back in our marriage when we started down this path.  I want to be more consistent but it is definitely harder when I am only around her in the early morning and late evening.  Plus we have 7 kids and moved one of them right out side our bedroom door.  So that plays into it as well.  Since Baker has been sick it has been touch and go.  The normal time we did it was early morning as a reset for her day.  Which she seemed to enjoy.  but after Baker got sick we have noticed a brain fog we call it some mornings when she wakes up or she will get these intense head aches if she gets jostled to much.  I do not want to do that to her and then leave for the day.  we have tried several different approaches but I still think time is going to have to play a role in her healing


PK also asks, "Is this lifestyle something you'd ever suggest, maybe recommend to one of your kids?  More to your sons?  To your daughters?  I mean if they ever came to you seeking marital advise, would TTWD come into your answer?

Baker:

I could go either way on this because it would depend on which kid and his/her spouse.  I know that it would be easier if our kid came to us and said, "Hey, have you ever heard of DD or CDD, what do you know or think about it?"  Rather than me seeing an issue and saying, "Hey, why don't you consider..."  So, that's kind of my thoughts right now anyways.  We may need to revisit this one in a few more years as our kids get older.

Hoss:

I don't know I would have to give that some thought.  I don't think I would approach it unless I knew the couple and the relationship very well.  I know this works for us.  but I don't want to force my beliefs on anyone.  I don't want to be the cause of problems in any of my children's marriages.  

Okay, that took like almost two full months to answer and for that I'm truly sorry.  PK, we appreciate your patience!  Thanks, for letting us get to these as we could.  I do hope to be back to posting more regularly soon.

--Hoss and Baker

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Question Number #2


Can I just say that I am terribly sorry for taking so long to get to all of the questions asked?  I am trying to keep up, but I took on a little much trying to help coach this spring and it is taking any extra time I had to post regularly.  That being said we only have another three weeks left in the season and then life will calm down some.  Well, it will calm down enough that posting regularly can begin again.  Until then I ask you have patience as muddle through and try to put my fingers to the keyboard as often as I can.  Now, onto Roz's questions.


Hi Baker,

Great questions from Morningstar! I'm curious too as to how ttwd has benefited your relationship.

How do you manage to juggle life with your large brood and stay sane lol. Seriously though, how do you manage to incorporate ttwd with a house full.

Lastly, a fun, non-ttwd question. Bucket list place to visit.

Hugs

Roz

Now, Roz, is one of those who knows a bit more about our personal life as through the years we have exchanged emails and the like.  So, I know, when I say life is crazy busy she really knows I am NOT exaggerating.  I think I occasionally share with my friends my daily to do list, but I won't bore everyone with that, but I know Roz often tells me how amazed she is that we do TTWD at all.  I know we manage best when Hoss is HOHing, and I am TiHing.  LOL, that was fun to write!  So let me see if I can sort of explain how things work around here.

Now, How do we juggle it all?  

My Answer: We don't.  I needs lots of sleep since the stroke and even to a degree before I had the stroke, so mornings depend on if my brain wakes up enough before Hoss has to leave for work.  Mornings are the best time as we tend to wake up around 5 and it's rare for any of our kids to be up before 6.  Hoss was just commenting the other day that we needed to find a time to reconnect.  To us reconnect means some sex and some sort of spanking, but it also just mean times alone together, if that makes sense.  We value these times in the whirlwind of raising kids and know that they are vital to our marriage.  Also reconnecting keeps things consistent and stable and peaceful in the day to day chaos with so many people and things to manage.  For us keeping God at the forefront of our marriage is our sanity.


Now spanking can be a bit of fun, but typically it is a reset or discipline.  Pretty much the only way spanking can happen is the kids need to be in another part of the house or sleeping or gone.  Rarely, and I mean rarely, do we have the house to ourselves so the other two situations apply most often.  Hoss also tends to play the news as an additional background noise to block out any adverse sounds.  We still use Bertha if the kids are sleeping, but during the day it just depends.  I hate quiet implements like Loopy or a plastic hanger, but they do work when Hoss needs to get his point across and there is no other alternative available that would keep things relatively quiet.  


But TTWD, DD, etc. is not just about spanking or having a better sex life.  It's about showing mutual love and respect to one another.  We live that right out in front of everyone.  Our kids know that Hoss is in charge, and I am second in command.  We live our lives with God at the head, so for us it's Biblical truths that we try to live out in front of our family.  We want them to understand that God is the one we follow our example from and run our home accordingly.  


I submit and Hoss leads.  Is that consensual?  Yes.  We both want it this way and before when we were "doing it the way the world suggests" we were utterly failing in so many ways.  Hoss often says that this relationship gave him his voice back.  I equate that to saying it gave him his manhood back.  I was slowly stripping away the way he saw himself by my own attitude and disrespect for him.  That was not right and I definitely regret how I treated him early on in our marriage.  The peace we have now, makes the sacrifices well worth it.  I will add here that we have to work hard to keep things consistent.  We are BUSY and as I've heard recently, whatever is important to you, you'll make time to make it a priority.  Hoss and our marriage is a priority in our home.  

Now, on to a less serious topic and gets me of my personal soapbox.  

Bucket list place to visit?


Ah, my friend, I want to visit you and Lindy of course down under!  Also, Alaska.  Hoss and I both love snow and mountains.  

Okay, here's to hoping I get to PK's questions for Monday's post!

Have a great rest of your week and weekend!

--Hoss and Baker

Monday, March 28, 2022

Answering A Question....


At the beginning of March I asked my readers what kind of questions they may have for Hoss and me.  We are finally back in town, settled back in, and finally (I Feel) back to a semi-normal schedule/routine of life.  So I am tackling Morningstar's Question first and hopefully I will get to PK and Roz's questions as well this week.  Please bear with me as March has been extremely busy and getting time to post has been significantly hard.  

So Morningstar's question is listed below:

I have a couple of questions for you :) (forgive me if you have already answered it a million times - I'm pleading moving brain - can't remember anything!!)

How did you both decide to do TTWD - specifically TH? AND in what ways has it improved your relationship/marriage? Is it possible that your relationship would have improved regardless of TH - just a natural evolving ???


Our Answers:

Let's get comfortable, shall we?  It's a bit of a story.  I had no idea TTWD was even a thing until I read fanfiction.  I know, crazy, right?  I mean what rock had we been hiding under.  I was shocked when in the story I was reading the man turned his wife over his knee for a little discipline.  It just felt so right to me.  Like a novel concept that I was some how missing.  Was this how marriage should look?  It took months for me to begin discussing it with Hoss.  I had to mull that concept around for quite a bit.  I knew it had been taught in our church that a man was head of the home, but in reality our home was not that way.  I was so relieved that Hoss didn't think I was insane for wanting to change the dynamic to him in charge AND add spanking into our lives.  We did a bit of sexy spanking at first and sometime around (I'm not for certain) our anniversary a few months later I'd asked him to discipline me for things I was struggling with at the time.   The rest shall we say is history.

So I will be honest, I think we were at a point in our relationship we had grown apart to some degree.  I wouldn't say our marriage was falling apart as much as we were struggling to find time or ways to connect with such a busy household.  I was running the show and hating it.  Our communication with one another was broken down.  So to say that TTWD definitely was and still is a tool we use in our marriage to stay balanced, is an understatement.  

Hoss definitely feels best when he in the HOH mode.  I am calmer and happier as well when I feel him in charge.  I do like to challenged things.  I would have thought after all these years I would no longer feel the need to challenge things, but I do.  I really think if we had began our marriage with TTWD we would have had less challenges. Things always go smoother when I back up and obey or submit.  The peace in our home is almost something I can reach out and touch at that point.

Hoss' answer: "At that point in our marriage I had really felt like I had lost my voice in the decisions we made. I would suggest stuff just to have it fall on deaf ears and the fact that we would finally do it the way I suggested in the first place it worked out.  I feel I got my voice back in the marriage and it also helped me to want to contribute more as I knew my voice would be heard."  (It is so hard for me to hear his words, because I know what he says to be true.)


Would we have become closer had we not done TTWD?  Hmmm....I believe probably not until all the kids had grown up and left.  We found something that works 14 years into our marriage.  It definitely is a tool we use regularly.  It suits us so to speak.  Even if Bertha and Hoss' other friends (implements) are a little too talkative some days.

I hope that answers Morningstar's question.  If I confused anyone feel free to ask for clarification.  Communication is key!

That wasn't near as long as I thought.  Refill that cup of whatever you're drinking and go visit some of our friends in blogland.  And comment, it makes our day when someone says hi!

--Baker

Monday, March 21, 2022

You All Remember, Bertha?

We are back from vacation.  Before we left our technology issues are finally in check.  New router thingy has been installed.  I have spent the last several trying to catch up on computer stuff and just general household stuff.  I am thankful that the router thingy was our only issue.  So I am back ready to do a couple of posts for you prior to us leaving on vacation.  My goal is to write a few posts that you can read while we are away, but please do not hold me to that.  Life is a bit too unpredictable right now for me to make any promises.

So Hoss and I spent some time talking the other morning.  He and I discussed how things had been lacking a bit, what with the busyness of life and all.  So back to early morning maintenance.  Do you hear the excitement in my voice, folks?  Really, I knew we needed this.  The consistency.  The connection time.  That is not sarcasm either.  I was fine with it.  Up until Hoss mentioned Bertha and I wanted to make a beeline for the nearest exit.  I'd have made a run for it, but I don't believe in running unless something is chasing me, so there's that!


Actually, Hoss is just a smart man.  He knows what I need and when, most of the time, before I do.  So Bertha came out.  For those of you who are unaware who or rather what Bertha is let me explain.  Bertha is a wood bath brush.  So bigger than a wooden hair brush.  More vicious.  A bit more of the swing-ability  factor.  But alas, Hoss and Bertha are great friends.  I, on the other hand, believe she's my second greatest nemesis second only to Loopy (we won't even go there, but her name is very accurate).  The thing with Bertha is, I'm sad to admit this, she works.  Like the release I get with Bertha, I do not get with other implements.  Trust me, we've tried many lighter, easier, gentler implements.  We've tried a few harder implements like a cheese board.  Nothing works like Bertha.

So Bertha was applied.  Hoss made his point.  And for now the daily maintenance will resume until Hoss decides otherwise.  So I am thankful that my sweet Hoss loves me enough to always meet my needs and help keep me even keeled.  But I'm also looking for someone willing to take Bertha out to a "brush" pile somewhere....any takers?

--Baker

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

A Vacationing We Will Go!


Sorry about not posting yesterday.  We are packing.  We are finally going to get a vacation in since Covid and me getting sick.  I am mostly better which is so nice to say.  We have a really fun time planned for us and the kids.  I was not organized enough to have posts set to go up while we are gone, so just plan on seeing us back together with you on Monday the 21st!  Until then, be good.  We'll miss you!  And if you would like to ask questions for March I plan to answer those in a few posts when I get back.
--Baker

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Questions, Anyone?


I know that many of you, if not all, have questions about TTWD.  I know I did when I first began being a taken in hand wife I wanted to know about the bloggers that I read.  I wanted to know how and why they wanted to be a TIH wife.  I wanted to know who they were in real life.  Not names necessarily, but the type of women that wanted this.  Those that their husbands choose this for their marriage, how did they feel about this new and sometimes exciting aspect of their marriage?  I just wanted to know, you know?  


Traditionally, as in the past, March was held as a Q & A month here in blogland.  I would love it if our readers, our blogging friends too, could take the time to ask Hoss and I a few questions.  So lay them on us!  You can ask one question or multiple.  It's really up to you.  If I feel I cannot answer the question, I'll let you know why.  So here's your opportunity, think of some good ones.  

Otherwise enjoy your Thursday!  Have a blessed day!

--Baker

Tuesday, February 22, 2022

Techy Issues


I'm so sorry I've been MIA.  Best laid intentions do not always line up with our real world life getting in the way.  A week ago today our WIFI router thingy went caput.  I wish I understood why it died like it did, but alias I really don't care.  It's just frustrating me to not have regular internet access.  We should be back up and running by Friday or Saturday at the latest.  I apologize for not fixing it sooner, but hey, we're really enjoying the lack of technology over here (snort).  Okay, I am.  The kids, not so much.  
So I will be back as soon as a new router is purchased and until then BEHAVE!  BE GOOD!  and really folks, get off your phones and enjoy life!
--Baker

Monday, February 14, 2022

My 150th Post


Oh, my word, folks, can you believe I finally...after all these years... achieved 150 posts?  I have attempted to get there for over five years and we're finally there.  Thank you all for reading.  I appreciate the friendships that have evolved from this little piece of blogland.  I appreciate the support and kind comments.  Let's try for more posts, shall we?   You keep reading and I will do my best to keep writing.  Thanks!

--Baker

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Learning This Lifestyle With Grace

When Hoss and I began this whole spanking lifestyle I did my best to research all I could.  I was scared, excited, intrigued, fascinated and so much more.  Seriously, a myriad of emotions and thoughts swirled through my head as we looked forward to this next new phase and tool in our relationship. 


I asked a lot of questions of other bloggers and read and read and read.  I found a few that were willing to take me under their wings and share and encourage.  Some were amazing and we are still friends today.  Others were good for a time, but have fallen away due to lack of similar backgrounds or interests.  It's all good.  I learned from all that I came into contact with and appreciated everyone who took the time to email me and share their history.  

Now, it's my turn.  Mid-December, Aron, from https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/blog-2/, referred a young wife named, Grace, to me.  We have been communicating for about six weeks.  It's been the reason I began blogging again.   Grace is a fairly new wife (married about a year and a half) who just recently (approximately two months ago) became a TIH.  So Grace brought me back here to the land because she needed something that many veteran TIH wives were to me.  A teacher, a mentor and most importantly a friend.  

Grace has taught me a few really important things and reminded me of other things that I had forgotten.   Important things like:

1. Learning to submit is hard.  

2. Learning to let all those walls down is hard.

3. Allowing your husband to lead and to completely trust him is hard.

4. Understanding that it's okay to cry it out is hard.

5. Knowing you will be confused and hurt one minute and putty in his hand is hard.

6. Figuring out that you will sometimes, if not always, desire intimacy afterwards is hard.

7. That everyone and I mean everyone does this differently is hard. (Partly because we all wish there was some sort of formula involved to show us, and our HOH, how this is done!)

So, with Grace's permission, I will share a few of her thoughts with me that I found particularly poignant to me.  

This statement was in regards to her struggles with how a discussion with her husband made her feel.

"Probably a mix of feeling respected and feeling humbled and annoyed I need to be humbled."

I think all of us can relate to the feeling the need to be humbled and annoyed that we are being humbled because I know it,' something I occasionally still struggle with.  I'm an adult and being reminded to obey or submit is hard to work through.


When Grace and I were discussing aspects of why we are disciplined this was another keen observation that struck me as something that I still find hard to work through even today (especially if I'm in a particularly stubborn mood.).

"I don't struggle with sass a lot but I certainly felt like it today!  I'm still in the choose to not hold grudging stage.  So it was tempting."

Now, we all know I'm not suggesting that I do not struggle with sass, but I do struggle with the whether or not to hold a grudge.  It can be so tempting.  That's the part that was hard for me to accept in the early years, but I definitely feel that is something that comes along as we grow in our relationships.

Finally, another goody is this comment Grace made to me after reading my post on entitled Obey, "I also liked your blog post about obey.  For me it's not so much a word as it is when my husband tell me I need to say yes sir loud enough so he can hear me clearly.  It's gotten better a pretty serious 'talk'.  I think it probably just brings up everything that wasn't dealt with when I was a teenager.  Because I feel like every teenager when he says that.  My poor husband!"

I will say our men can be extremely patient with us, can they not?  I mean how often do we need to say, "Yes, Sir," and mean it or not just whisper it or whatever it is he requires.  Oh, there are times it takes me back to being not just a teenager, but a little girl and feeling all big and grown up until the hammer falls and my butt was roasted.  


I feel Grace and I are hitting it off well.  She is teaching me as well as I am teaching her.  I think we are learning from one another as we both grow in our relationships with our husbands as well as one another.  I really encourage those of you out there who do not have a mentor or a TIH friend to confide in, that you get one.  I'm available too if you need an ear to listen to or a shoulder to cry on.  


I love that I have had and still have ladies who mentor me and really build me up as I walk this lifestyle with my Hoss.  I always gain so much insight when I pick their brains.  I am hoping I am doing as well for Grace as those precious ladies have done for me.  

--Baker


 


Monday, February 7, 2022

Am I A Wimp?

Yesterday morning we came home from church and then I had an errand to run.  When the kids were all home I started asking the kids to get busy on chores.  I guess my voice was a bit sharp... maybe cranky is a better word?  I know my voice was beginning to rise in volume.  I was on my way into the kitchen telling everyone as I went how "Gross," the kitchen looked.  Hoss stopped me dead in my tracks.  


"25," he said sternly and boy, he sure was NOT happy with me.  I stopped, but continued mumbling under my breath.  "I have seen this kitchen look gross, this is not gross, it's not really bad at all.  Breathe."  


I bit my lip.  "Okay," I tried to bow out gracefully, but he would not let me go with just that.  He didn't even say anything just gave me that look.  "I'm sorry, it doesn't look gross, but I told so and so to do such and such and it's not done and I'm tired of picking up after everyone!"  I declared this as if it would change his mind.  Would it grant me some form leniency? 


We did not have time to get to those 25 yesterday, but I'm nervous.  I do not seem to be handling things as well since I was sick.  My skin is just more sensitive.  It's like I've got a "Virgin butt."  Ugh!  Could that possibly be true?  What is wrong with me?  


I have jitters.  I am not scared of a spanking at all.  I just do not like the pain during the actual spanking.  Afterwards I'm fine.  I still definitely love the way it resets my heart and I feel very loved.  But during I'm struggling, actually fighting the process with myself and sometimes with Hoss.  He knows how much I respond to this type of discipline and I know he's being careful with me.  Lots of breaks and words of encouragement, but folks, I do not know if it's just very sensitive skin from the meds I'm on or I'm just seriously starting over again.  

Ideas? Suggestions?  Anything would be helpful.  I just don't feel like myself in this area right now....

--Baker

PS: I'm really sorry this is so late.  My weekend was crazy busy, productive, good, just busy.


Thursday, February 3, 2022

Nothing New Around Here

It's Thursday folks, and nothing new around here.  Seriously, we have snow, it's cold, we are still busy as always, spanking happens when needed.  Not sure what else to say.  But I did think I'd share some Peanuts with you.  I love me some good Peanuts.  

I thought this one was appropriate for a lot of people I love right now whose lives aren't going where they would like it to be right now.  Hugs and prayers to you right now.

A truth I try very hard to live by.

Yes, you do. Stop telling yourself you don't.

And this is so so so true!  

Yes!  Has anyone tried the Dove Chocolates with Caramels.  Definitely my new favorite.  Just have to keep them hidden from my kids!

I hope you all feel this way!  I do about you all.

So true.  I try to definitely keep things positive.  Right now it's more like dancing in the snow, but you get the idea.
And for all of those who need it right now.
Yes, you truly do.

I love spending time here writing and visiting with each of you.  
I also adore my family and friends.

And that folks sums up life for me.

Love seeing you all in the comments and know more are reading.  Thank you for taking the time to visit Hoss and me.  Hugs!

--Baker