Thursday, February 10, 2022

Learning This Lifestyle With Grace

When Hoss and I began this whole spanking lifestyle I did my best to research all I could.  I was scared, excited, intrigued, fascinated and so much more.  Seriously, a myriad of emotions and thoughts swirled through my head as we looked forward to this next new phase and tool in our relationship. 

I asked a lot of questions of other bloggers and read and read and read.  I found a few that were willing to take me under their wings and share and encourage.  Some were amazing and we are still friends today.  Others were good for a time, but have fallen away due to lack of similar backgrounds or interests.  It's all good.  I learned from all that I came into contact with and appreciated everyone who took the time to email me and share their history.  

Now, it's my turn.  Mid-December, Aron, from, referred a young wife named, Grace, to me.  We have been communicating for about six weeks.  It's been the reason I began blogging again.   Grace is a fairly new wife (married about a year and a half) who just recently (approximately two months ago) became a TIH.  So Grace brought me back here to the land because she needed something that many veteran TIH wives were to me.  A teacher, a mentor and most importantly a friend.  

Grace has taught me a few really important things and reminded me of other things that I had forgotten.   Important things like:

1. Learning to submit is hard.  

2. Learning to let all those walls down is hard.

3. Allowing your husband to lead and to completely trust him is hard.

4. Understanding that it's okay to cry it out is hard.

5. Knowing you will be confused and hurt one minute and putty in his hand is hard.

6. Figuring out that you will sometimes, if not always, desire intimacy afterwards is hard.

7. That everyone and I mean everyone does this differently is hard. (Partly because we all wish there was some sort of formula involved to show us, and our HOH, how this is done!)

So, with Grace's permission, I will share a few of her thoughts with me that I found particularly poignant to me.  

This statement was in regards to her struggles with how a discussion with her husband made her feel.

"Probably a mix of feeling respected and feeling humbled and annoyed I need to be humbled."

I think all of us can relate to the feeling the need to be humbled and annoyed that we are being humbled because I know it,' something I occasionally still struggle with.  I'm an adult and being reminded to obey or submit is hard to work through.

When Grace and I were discussing aspects of why we are disciplined this was another keen observation that struck me as something that I still find hard to work through even today (especially if I'm in a particularly stubborn mood.).

"I don't struggle with sass a lot but I certainly felt like it today!  I'm still in the choose to not hold grudging stage.  So it was tempting."

Now, we all know I'm not suggesting that I do not struggle with sass, but I do struggle with the whether or not to hold a grudge.  It can be so tempting.  That's the part that was hard for me to accept in the early years, but I definitely feel that is something that comes along as we grow in our relationships.

Finally, another goody is this comment Grace made to me after reading my post on entitled Obey, "I also liked your blog post about obey.  For me it's not so much a word as it is when my husband tell me I need to say yes sir loud enough so he can hear me clearly.  It's gotten better a pretty serious 'talk'.  I think it probably just brings up everything that wasn't dealt with when I was a teenager.  Because I feel like every teenager when he says that.  My poor husband!"

I will say our men can be extremely patient with us, can they not?  I mean how often do we need to say, "Yes, Sir," and mean it or not just whisper it or whatever it is he requires.  Oh, there are times it takes me back to being not just a teenager, but a little girl and feeling all big and grown up until the hammer falls and my butt was roasted.  

I feel Grace and I are hitting it off well.  She is teaching me as well as I am teaching her.  I think we are learning from one another as we both grow in our relationships with our husbands as well as one another.  I really encourage those of you out there who do not have a mentor or a TIH friend to confide in, that you get one.  I'm available too if you need an ear to listen to or a shoulder to cry on.  

I love that I have had and still have ladies who mentor me and really build me up as I walk this lifestyle with my Hoss.  I always gain so much insight when I pick their brains.  I am hoping I am doing as well for Grace as those precious ladies have done for me.  




  1. Hi Baker, how wonderful that you have been mentoring Grace as she and her husband negotiate their ttwd relationship. It's such a confusing time with many emotions involved, not to mention some mis-steps along the way. Then again, I don't think that changes no matter how long we have been living this lifestyle lol. It's ever evolving.

    Having friends to talk to and provide support is important and I am so very grateful for the friends I have made here who have been an amazing support to us.

    I wish Grace and her husband the very best and love you Hoss and the tribe.


    1. Roz, I second that! You put into a comment what took me several paragraphs to write. Thank you! We love you back!

  2. So much pressure men put on themselves, and in this day and age, the female is more in tune and keeping life under control. My wife while dating I could let my guard down and finally said, wish the woman I married would be in charge. We got married, had a great honeymoon, but once we got to our apartment I was soon to learn who wore the pants in the family. She mentioned a few things I did while on our honeymoon, my childish behavior, and my attitude, which she said nothing at the time. It is when we said a discussion was needed, thinking we would talk it out, well her hairbrush did the talking and I squirmed, kicked, pleaded, beg her I had learned my lesson. Once the spanking was done, she explained the rules of the house, I said nothing, just was rubbing my spanked bottom. How do you feel, she asked, I said like a little boy who just been spanked by his Mommy. Good she said, being a little boy you have no worries, Mommy does, Yes I said. Now go face the wall, no rubbing. Our marriage is strong, the spankings applied when needed, our sex life is great, and I just knew I needed a woman to be in charge. Oh the spankings hurt, bath brush talks loud and long. Jack

    1. Hey, Jack, I definitely appreciate your view of point on a FLR. It helps the others out there in the same type of relationship to have a man's point of view on a FLR. Thanks for commenting!

    2. I got lucky in finding her, it was several months into our dating that she brought up FLR. What I did not mention that when we got home, a late wedding gift was on the table from her mother. I was told to open and shocked to see a large hair brush. Welcome to FLR my wife said taken the hairbrush. She applied the hairbrush to my bottom as we went to the bedroom. I said nothing, just stood there as my pants and underpants were pulled down. She scolded me like she would a naughty little boy. Once the spanking was done, I faced the wall, she called her Mother, told her everything. When told I can pull up my clothing I did so quickly. The bath brush appeared a couple of months later, the hairbrush was not getting the results she wanted, the bath brush does. A male must stop being in charge, let the little boy out, some women like that. The marriage is very strong. I would be a mess with out my wife in charge. Jack

    3. Sounds like you are very happy and appreciative of your relationship with your wife. Bath brushes are painful, that's for sure. I'm not sure I've experienced a hair brush before, but I'm with you on the bath brush. It definitely gets the job done around here, OUCH! Thank you for sharing your experience!

  3. I'm glad Grace found you and you found Grace. I do have a question though (thought I knew all the letters) what is TIH??

    When I was starting out in the kink lifestyle - I craved others to talk with - to help me sort out my feelings.... back in those days in the BIG city I was living in... we were able to form a coffee group and met once a month. It was a wonderful time - some days I miss it

    1. LOL, Morningstar, it's early this morning and I even had to remember what TIH was when you wrote it. It means "taken in hand." Friends to share, lean on, and support this type of relationship with are priceless. A coffee group would be fabulous! I'd love to bring all my favorite people together for a meeting like that once a month in person! That's awesome that you had the opportunity and I can understand why you miss it.