Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Missing My Man

I am not here to belly ache.  
(Sorry, thought this was too funny!)

I am just coming around to get a bit of advice.  
(Another cute one!)

I'm a bit of a mess right now. 
(This was me yesterday, thankfully better today)

Hoss has been gone since Sunday and I was an emotional wreck yesterday.  Yes, I made it two whole days before becoming a sobbing puddle of tears.  

Tuesday, I talked with him, well, he talked to me on the phone as I cried.  Then I got off the phone and cried off and on for the next several hours feeling tired and overwhelmed.  Thank you to a couple of friends who helped me focus on the kids and tasks at hand and get along with my day.  As well as same set of friends who listened to my woes without me feeling like a complete idiot. I'm not a crier, so all of this emotional stuff really took me by surprise.  

So the benefits of DD/TTWD are you become closer, like crazy want-to-be-together-all-the time-and-all-melty-into-one-another-arms closer, well a lot of the time anyways.  The side note on that is when you become closer the feelings towards one another are stronger and you rely on one another so much more.  Hence, separation is equally hard.

I truly was feeling like a nut case yesterday, but I think I may have pinpointed a part of the problem.  I did something he told me not to do Monday. Like the man is out of town just at 24 hours and I just disregard him completely.   

Jump back to Monday with me.  I was out in the heat helping at my mom's house and he had asked me not to be in the heat. Simple request really.  His request is due to the fact that even though most of the thyroid problems are mostly settled I still have trouble regulating my body temperature.  Which means I keep getting overheated and ending up feeling miserable afterwards.  Well, I went anyway meaning to leave before it was too hot, but my sister unintentionally made me feel guilty for leaving, so I stayed on to help until I ended up with a nasty headache and exhausted.  Still with the only parent in town, I was pretty much out of commission for the rest of the day dealing with the headache.  Thankful for my older kids who were able to step in and keep the house running for a few hours so I could rest.

Monday night, I was feeling really yucky and not necessarily in a good place.  I was messaging back and forth with a ttwd friend who said I needed to text Hoss and confess.  She knew it was eating at me, and I did and therein lies his words, "I'm disappointed you keep putting yourself in this same situation."  That was the text.  No worse reprimand needed.  No threats of what was to come.  The fact that I had disappointed my sweet man and let him down was enough to plant the seed of sadness in my heart.  I hate it when I disappoint him.  He is very good to me and the kids and when I have downright just gaffed him off and disregarded his good advice it hurts.  It hurts him.  It hurts me.  It hurts us.  

It was my own fault.  So on Tuesday when I went to begin a big task I just felt overwhelmed and needy.  I was not in a good place.  I called him and he and I talked it out, but I just could not move past it.  He encouraged me in the task, telling me to break it down, do manageable chunks, etc. He comforted me with his words, but sometimes empathy is not helpful when I needed to clear the air and then be wrapped up in his arms.  I listened, but it was not enough.  I still sat moping and feeling badly.  I then messaged two friends.  One who sympathized and the other who told me to get busy. Find a way to make him proud.  Do the huge task as a way to make him proud.  I love that words and a kick in the tail can sometimes adjust my attitude around quickly.  Everyone was showing sympathy when I needed someone to say," nope, don't go there!"  I needed that.  Good friends, I tell you, are priceless.

But today I was feeling sick, like I was just exhausted and needed to rest because my allergies were giving me fits kind of day.  I did rest and I spoke with him a few times.  I sent him a picture of me with my right eye half swollen shut and he said, "You're still, so beautiful."  That's love right there folks, because I was not a sight for sore eyes or any other kind of eyes for that matter.  

So herein, lies my need for advice.  I still have until Saturday night before he returns.  I need to know what others do to cope.  I already have a busy day planned for tomorrow and want to keep myself busy as that is helping, but what other ideas do you all have out there.  I'm sure part of my problem lies in feeling guilty for my mistake on Monday and even though he and I have talked it out, we still have not dealt with the issue, if you know what I mean.  So, ideas on coping?  Ideas on what you do to keep yourself sane when your loved one is away from you for a few days or longer?  Thoughts?  Ideas?  Send them my way.  I'm open ears right now.  Well, technically, "open eyes," as I have to read and not hear what you are saying, but I digress.


Monday, July 24, 2017

I Am Not In Disney's Circle

Nope, I’m not in Disney’s Circle.  Most of you are not either.  Most of you who do not have children at home, you empty nester types, may not even know that Disney has a circle.  The circle is actually a cube you plug into your computer, so it’s already a misnomer, but I will not be picky here.  The circle actually refers to those in your home (so I guess those in my circle of loved ones) who you wish to protect and use parental controls on.
My dear, sweet vanillee friend informed me about Disney Circle, thinking it would be so helpful for our kids.  Well, us parents really.  It helps you protect your little ones from locating things on the internet that they are too young to understand or do not need to be exposed to.  I got that part, the logistical and set up parts so went over my head, but being the good momma that I am I figured Hoss may able to handle that part of the equation.  So I forwarded him the link that my friend had sent me and voila!  The man goes out and purchases this thing.  Then the man hooks it up.  No worries, we have talked about establishing parental controls before on our children’s tablets and the laptops, so I was not concerned.  Oh, boy, I should have been!
You know what circle does?  It keeps the kids from reading, watching, etc. bad things on the internet. I am happy to prevent our children from “bad” things on the internet. Limiting their time on the computer or tablets to a decent amount each day.   Circle cuts them off when their time limit is up. Want to go to a website that seems innocent, but is not.  Does not allow access.  It really is a great and useful tool.  Until…..
You all know where this is going right?

Me, well, I had no idea the man was getting so much control.  He can shut the kids’ tablets down with one click of the phone for not completing chores or schoolwork.  He can limit the time they have access to the internet.  It truly is an amazing way to keep the time limit for the kids and to keep them from wandering into areas that their young minds are unable to process.  Except, I did not realize what also could happen.  Until…...

Guess who’s phone can also be shut down?

Guess who’s laptop can also be turned off?

No blogging.  No reading blogs.  No commenting.  No Facebook.  No messenger!  No internet!  No surfing for recipes or news articles.  Nothing.  Nada.  I was trying hard to remain calm.  Had he intentionally done this?  Surely not, I’m an adult after all.  Yes, well, there are days I do not wish to adult, but that is not typically the case.  I can monitor my own internet time and which websites I choose to visit.

Guess who was a sputtering wet hen when it happened?
Yup, me, you guess it!  Me!  It was not a pretty, sweet conversation, but a very upset, trying to bite her tongue wife and not explode when I called to say, “Sweet man, in your head of household role you cut me off of the internet!”  He was not as shocked as I was, but reassured me it was unintentional.  He was labeling each device and had not realized my phone was not one of the kiddos devices.  But the groundwork was set when he realized the potential.  He could limit my time on the internet.  He could limit where I visited.  He could do the same thing we were doing for the kids.  Plus, he had the control.  No fancy little control button permitted for this wife.
(This is not the Disney circle rating, but you get the idea)

Additionally, there are ratings as to what is allowed.  Think PG-13 or R, well, most of your blogs fall in those categories.  My dismay was heartfelt when I could not visit for a few days until the situation was remedied because he was working late and could not come home and figure out which device my phone actually was on the circle.  I plead my case that I need not have my phone within the circle.  That went unheeded, but I did get my ratings removed.  I had to go with no rating at all simply because some of the blogs literally would not come up under the adult rating.

(okay, maybe not, but that's a cute idea!)

Now, I can go anywhere online when I want as long as I am not in trouble.  I’m good with that, mostly.  He said that would change when summer ended.  See Hoss figured it out from my reaction over the loss of the internet and blogland for a few days that sometimes spanking is not the only thing to get my attention.  I always lived under the belief that he could not take my phone away due to me needing it for emergencies.  Well, he can now “shut” my phone down to anything except the use of my cell phone and texts.  So, wish me luck folks.  I have a feeling my submission will find an all new level if he takes my phone away, but hey, maybe it will help, as I am quite addicted to my phone.

I’m curious, who, if any of you have experienced a “grounding” from the phone as a form of discipline or removal of phone privileges for misbehavior.  Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

By the way, if this is a bit sloppy, my apologies.  I'm trying to get this finished and posted before a soccer game tonight and I'm not sure when I will have a chance to get back to it.


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Welcome to the Land of Horror of Horrors

Strange title, correct?  The story behind the title is definitely one that brought me just to that place and then some.  The rest of you will justifiably share this same feeling of horror once I share with you the tragedy that befell be this Sunday last.

I was being good.  I know, I know, I can hear you now all chuckling and trying not to spew your coffee or tea, but I was really trying to be good!    
I realize this has nothing to do with my story, but well, it's cute!

Hoss had asked me (maybe more than once) to please work on sorting and cleaning in our room.  So Sunday, my sweet man, went into work to catch up on a few things and I thought, I will surprise him. I will do as he requested and clean up our room.  See, I was being so good.
I had finished Hoss’ side of the room when I decided I would clean out my dresser.  No problem, it so needed to be done.  I get all the way through the drawers except for the bottom one.  You know the one, where Bertha and her cohorts reside?  Well, I had to shoo children out and lock the door.  I should have made an announcement.   Like seriously, a public service announcement with the use of a blow horn or loud speaker or something.   I really should have declared loudly the basement off limits. You know there are certain things in hindsight that you think, “Hmmm, really should make sure I’m not interrupted.” Yes, well, now you tell me.  The thoughts came a little too late.
I did have the little slide lock we use on the door, so I thought I was safe to begin my reorganizing.   I did have everything fun and dare I say, sexy, as well as toys and everything laid out on the floor. Sorting and trying to rearrange them to fit better in the drawer, with a few regular jammies that I never wear to cover them, of course.

(For those of you who are wondering, no I am typically not suppose to go into this drawer on my own.  Seems he felt that hiding certain implements warranted this rule way back in the beginning after a particularly unpleasant run in with Bertha, but I had permission to do this organizing or I would not have been in there.  See, I do learn from past mistakes, I really and truly do!)
I was busy rearranging things when my horror of horrors occurred.  I had just placed the implements away and had zipped up the bag that held the smaller toys, when I heard urgent footsteps running down the stairs. I knew before I could yell that one of our  sons was about to hit our door hard.  Just as he slammed into the door to open it and it was on it’s way to being flung open to reveal my bounty of treasures,  I yelled.  Well, it was more literally that I screeched at him to stop as he busted through the shabby little lock that held the door closed.  

Thank the good Lord, that I had already neatly folded up the fun lingerie and it appears no different than the regular pajamas bottoms they laid next to.  Our son had the door halfway open and I yelled for him to shut it and go upstairs while also scolding him for not knocking (a definite rule for our room).  I am about 99 percent sure the poor boy did not see anything, but so help me my heart was in my throat and I was fuming!

I tossed everything back in and went to remind said son that he was not to run in the house and definitely to knock before trying to break the door down!

So, I call Hoss in a bit of panic.  What does that man do?  Did he express sympathy at this horror of horrors?  No, he did not!  He did what the rest of you are likely doing right now! Yes, he laughed his head off at me.  Sheesh, no sympathy I tell you.  None at all.

Now, I’d love it if you have a story of being caught in the place of horror of horrors to share. Leave it in the comments below.  I’d love to hear them and to know that I am not alone in my misery of a trip to the land of Horror of Horrors!


Thursday, July 6, 2017

Popping in to say, hello!

Hello, everyone!  It's been a few weeks, but I thought I'd pop in and say hello!  A brief overview of what has been keeping us busy!

Soccer.  Summer soccer has taken over here with vengeance.  Neither Hoss or I were prepared for the amount of time commitment summer soccer would have on our family.  There are days I want to throttle my dear sweet friends who suggested it.  Ugh!  
Swimming almost daily for most of the kids.  Lessons for the younger ones and swimming just to swim for the older ones.  I seriously have some that would like nothing better than to spend the entire days of summer at the pool.  To be honest, so would I!
Church and scout camps have also taken many children, and at times my sweet man, away for days at a time.  Not easy for this momma to handle.  I absolutely dread times that even one is away.  Makes me so sad, but so proud to see them growing and learning away from us. 

Hoss, my sweet man, has been forever busy too.  Work and attending camps with the younger kids has consumed at least a week's time in June.  That means he's left me to my own devices, which is almost never a good thing.

So, does that mean spankings have been at bay?  Nope. If anything they have more regular to help me cope with the stress of it all.  And yes, as most of you can imagine the stress is high with us being as active as we are this summer.  It's been a blessing that he has been tightening up his expectations of me.  A few sweet friends have been so kind to listen to me vent and offer suggestions on getting myself better organized and to help keep my sassy mouth under control.  We are getting there!  
Hope everyone has a great day!  Enjoy or avoid the heat depending on your current situation.  And for those sweet friends of ours down under who are experiencing a colder than cold winter, stay warm and eat some hot soup for me!

I'd love to hear how everyone else's summer/winter is going, so feel free to share.  What's been keeping you busy lately?