To Gold Bond or To Not Gold Bond...That Is My Question!

Hoss and I have been trying for two months to figure out something quiet to use for regular correction of yours truly.   (For some reason the man does not see me for the angel I truly am, but that's another post entirely!)  We have a few quiet implements and we have quite a few loud ones as well.  And our home, as you all can imagine, is rarely, if ever, empty of everyone at a given time.  

Well, by chance, today, Hoss may have came up with an absolutely powerful new tool to help yours truly in a way that may be insane to most of you...but desperate times, well as the saying goes, calls for desperate measures.  Let me lay the story out for you as it unfolded and feel free to cry in sympathy (or laugh hysterically) depending on your point of view.

About two weeks ago I purchased myself a lovely new bra.  Now, I am rather particular when it comes to my lingerie, but I know many of you who are as well, so you will truly appreciate my bra dilemma.  I tried it on and loved it right away and was thankful for my new purchase until the weather became my foe.  It had been hot and humid, but truly not that hot and humid most of our summer, until last week.  I noticed my new bra chaffing slightly, so went back to another bra.  Now, yesterday I thought, oh, let me try the new bra again.  Well, as you can imagine the chaffing occurred towards the evening, but no problem...shed that thing later in the afternoon as I had no where to go.   Unfortunately, overnight as I was sleeping I must have rubbed at the spot underneath, "my ladies" and ended up with two red marks.  Ugh!

This is where it gets good folks!

Hoss is a fan of, "the ladies" and I commented this morning that I was still having trouble from the rubbing and I felt it was worse, so he rather willingly checked the problem out.  

"Ah," he said in his manly wisdom, "you need some gold bond to fix that right up."  

"Oh, okay," I said, fully trusting and eager for relief.

STOP LAUGHING....I had no idea what was in store for me!

Hoss pulled out the spray bottle of gold bond that he uses for occasional manly uses and said, "Pull them up!" 

I tried to adjust without making the ladies hurt too badly...oh if I had only known what I was in store for...

(if only I had looked that cute)

The first spray under my left breast gave immediate relief and than by the time he'd moved on to the right one a fire lit under my left breast making me gasp, squeal and dance all at the same time.

"Hold still, I'm not done yet!"  WHAT????  As I pranced and danced and did little circles worst than my best ever spanking dance trying desperately to figure out how to put the fire out....

Now everyone knows my sweet man is usually as helpful as can be, but today...do you know what he did today?  He laughed....a long hilarious going to bust a gut laugh...at me.

Apparently, I know how to put on quite the show.  I'm sure every man out there who has ever used gold bond knows this dance, but I had rarely understood or could appreciate his grimaces as I did today.  So what happened tonight that makes me write you?  

Well, Hoss, decided I needed a second dose of that fire from H-E-double hockey sticks in order for me to "heal properly."  You know what I think, as I danced around and squealed to beat the band?  I think he liked the show.  And apparently...he believes...it was the best correction I have had in a long while and he did not even have to break a sweat.

The big meanie!  Just teasing!  LOL!  Hope you all enjoyed the giggle at my expense!  It's okay to admit it...I thought it was pretty funny too...after, "my ladies, " cooled down!

--Baker