Saturday, March 20, 2021

The Questions You May Have

I have wondered often, "Where do bloggers go?" when they retire from blogging or quit?  


Did something happen to make them not want to blog anymore? (Almost happened to me.)

Did they lose interest in their blog? (Sometimes I do--just sayin'.)

What are they doing now? (About to tell you about little ole' me.)

Did a giant hippopotamus just swallow them up whole and they never lived to tale the tale about it?  (This one feels about right to me!)

I know many take breaks and some are kind enough to let their readers know.  Others let us know they have decided to leave the blogging world because their lives are too chaotic or just run out of things to say.  Some retire and just check in periodically.  Others no longer blog, but keep checking in through their comments or an occasional post to say, "Yes, I'm still alive!"  I'm one of those, I suppose. 

I now feel comfortable to speak to why I have not blogging lately.  I'd been in a bit of a blogging slump beginning sometime early 2020.  Kids and sports and life in general had made it harder and harder to get things done for myself.  This blog is something I do for myself as a way to make DD/TTWD friends and express our lifestyle with without being public (you know immediate family and friends) about it.  Then COVID happened and well, I had more time with less kid stuff outside of the house was happening, so I did a bit of blogging last year around this time.

Last July, I really began to feel icky.  I should not feel this way, I told myself repeatedly.  I need to make an appointment with a doctor, but with all the Covid stuff, I could not bring myself to do it.  I had little desire to get out in public.  It was hot.  I was busy.  I had a million reasons.  I only felt worn out and had this dull nagging headache.  Weird, but I'm not a heat lover so I thought maybe all the time in my garden was getting to me.

Near the end of July I was making lunch for the family.  I sat down to eat my lunch and I swallowed wrong and began to cough.  That coughing lead to a nasty headache.  I let Hoss know I was not feeling well and needed to lay down to get the headache under control.  It helped some, but the headache only eased slightly until Tuesday. Tuesday it decided to take a life on of it's own. I had taken our daughter to an appointment and called to see if our chiropractor could adjust my neck. I was in misery. On the drive there my eyes just would not work and I fought to keep my eyes on the road.  By the time we arrived I thought, "This has to be the worst migraine of my life."  I did not feel better after the adjustment and was just intent on going home.  Later that evening as I lay in bed I told Hoss this is not getting better.  Meds, ice pack, pain gel, none of it helped.

Early that Wednesday morning after not being able to sleep I woke Hoss up.  Hoss called our family doctor and the Doc told us to go to the ER.  That ride was awful.  Every bump, every curve.  I felt like my head was splitting in two and I could hardly keep myself steady every time the car moved.  And it was moving fast.  My sweet Hoss was coming to the rescue and getting me there quick.  He later told me I looked like I deteriorating before his eyes.  We got there and Covid struck.  My strong man, my rock had to leave me at the door and stay in the parking lot waiting for news.

I remember a very kind man telling me they were going to give me a migraine cocktail and find out what was going on.  I asked for my man, but moments later I was in blissful sleep. Hours later I was put in an ambulance to go to another hospital.  It was not a harsh migraine, but a blood clot!  

Wait? What? I didn't understand.  Why would I have a blood clot, in my brain no less?  A rare kind at that.  I thought that was something that happened to other people...older people with heart disease...or someone hurt in an accident.  Not me.  Not us!  

Later the next day I went to the ICU for those with brain trauma.  Another ambulance drive. Another MRI and more bloodwork. Day three I found out I'd had a stroke.  Seriously, people what was going on here?  I am mid 40s.  I am mostly healthy.  No heart issues.  Minor stuff all under control.  What was happening to me? To us?  Why was Hoss not here with me.  I needed him to hold my hand and talk me through this, to explain what the doctors and nurses were saying to me.  He was a phone call away, but it felt like he was on another planet far from me.

It was also day 3 that I was aware enough to know that I needed prayer.  I asked our small group leader to pray for us and God showed up in a mighty way.  For that I am beyond thankful.  Meals were brought to take care of our family, people prayed, and healing happened.  Spiritual healing was my greatest healing of all.  I am thankful for this path, this beautiful journey we have been given.  Yes, I say we.  Hoss, the kids and I and everyone who has been there has been through a lot of change and learned a great deal about life.  The value of it.  That things I felt were distractions were the most profound blessings of them all.

I will not go into detail about all the diagnoses and health complications as that could be a book in itself, but I have been healing.  I have had an awesome group of doctors who have been monitoring my progress.  They are keeping good track of all my medical needs, but I have been told by all that no one knows what caused this blood clot.  That it was some sort of fluke? I know that God knew the why and the how and all that jazz.  It's what has happened and the likelihood it will reoccur is just unknown, so we go on and heal and pray.  I am not afraid of tomorrow.  I am simply thankful today.

I am now at the place that I feel that all the pieces have fallen into place and my stamina is growing.  I am still here to watch our children grow.  We are finally looking at DD again.  It's always been there, but just in small bursts or stops and starts.  My sweet blessed man, Hoss, has done things he never thought he would need to do for me until I was older.  Things like helping me walk to and from the bathroom, shower and relearn how to navigate stairs.  He's held my hand as have many others.  I have learned to rely on him in a way I never would have otherwise.  His kindness, his hours of tears and worry, his constant prayers said on my behalf.  I am beyond blessed when it comes to him. Our children have helped to carry us with their sweet words of encouragement, laughter and struggles as well.  So many people to thank for such blessings that were bestowed.  People I loved and cared about showed up in a big way!   Human kindness was overflowing and still is and we am incredibly grateful for that.

For my blogging family that walked this journey with me.  Thank you will never seem enough.  To Lindy, Cat, Kanga Jo and Amy who showed up time and time again.  To Roz, EsMay, PK and Minelle who sent emails to encourage me.  Thank you and thank you and thank you!  Your words meant so much to me and to Hoss.   For the times that many prayed for me, thank you!  As I said before God showed up big time and allowed me to embrace this as a journey.  

I am still on that journey of healing.  When Amy and I decided to write the Christmas chapters back in December I was still far from recovery.  It was her editing and encouragement to dip my toe back into blogland that kept me going.

Hoss and I are just now seriously looking at DD again as something that needs to return in consistency and he wants me to blog again.  He knows it helps me.  So thank you readers and bloggers for reading this post.  For having the patience to stay with us through this journey.  If you want to ask questions, feel free.  Shoot me an email.  I will do my best to get back to regular responses and posts.  Know there are still some hard health days around here, but most days are good.  

May God's blessings flow down on you,

--Hoss and Baker


  1. Replies
    1. Right back at you, Sister! I'm thankful for you too, my dear friend.

  2. Hi Baker! I am so very glad to see you post here. I have been worrird about you and you have been in my thoughts and prayers

    Gosh, I'm so sorry you have gone through this, and even more so that Hoss wasn't able to be by your side in hospital thanks to this damn virus.

    So relieved and glad that you are on the road to recovery. It is a process. By patient and kind to yourself and take time for you when you need.

    Continuing to send positive thoughts and prayers.

    Much love


    1. Roz, Your emails and comments always make me smile. Yes, there are parts of this whole process that were super hard, but God is good, He is faithful. I feel so much better and yet can remember so much of the pain and hurt that happened, but it almost feels faint right now. I know that many others had to deal with loved ones who were sick in other ways that Covid prevented them from being together. Thankful hospitals (at least in our area) are allowing visitors again. Many people had to fight alone and I was thankful Hoss and my mom were both on the phone day and night to help me. I am thankful for those nurses and doctors, they are such heroes to us. They were so kind and understanding and made it the best that it could be. Hugs to you!

  3. oh my goodness baker - I had no idea :( I was holding my breath while I read this blog entry..... so concerned - so moved - so so? just so emotional!!

    I'm glad you've made such progress .. and that you are going to return to blogland...

    As for questions..... you said you had a stroke - have you fully recovered from it? how will your DD look now?? Will Hoss be hesitant ?? will you??
    and please don't answer if the questions are too personal!!! and if they are - I apologize .......

    1. Hey, MS, I am appreciative of your kind words. Emotional is a good word to sum it all up. At this point I can answer what I know. The blood clot has dissolved completely. There are lingering side effects that have not healed from the stroke, but are healing, albeit slowly. I had focal seizures from the clot (the clot is called a cerebral venous thrombosis). I'm still on meds for the seizures, but my last EEG (a few weeks ago) showed the seizures may be under control (basically waiting for my neurologist to confirm that.) We are hoping to get off the seizure med that is causing a great deal of emotional imbalance soon. I can now walk without assistance most of the time (stairs or inclines can be hard depending on how tired I am). My visual issues are much better and I can read, write, and do most daily activities with no issues. I am hoping to be allowed to drive again. We are waiting for that approval again from the neurologist. The stroke was ischemic stroke meaning it was in a vein and not an artery. My heart was not the issue. Which is a blessing. But the combo of the type of clot and stroke are rare. Amy looked it up and I'm one of five in a million who are diagnosed with this type of illness.

      Now regarding how will DD look now. Probably not much different. Hoss and I have done some maintenance when I felt well enough to do it. He is only hesitant on days that I wake up feeling off and than we simply skip it for now. I am hesitant because I no longer have that toughness that allows me to take alot, my skin is very sensitive (not sure if it's one of the meds I'm on or something else.) So he has to go lighter than he did when we left off back in July.

      I choose to answer these questions because it's new ground for us and I want others to understand that DD/TTWD is what you as a couple make it to be. So, if we never get back to some aspects (ie loopy may be forever retires--doubt it, but I'm hoping). Bertha has made her appearance a few times as we tired to test what was too much (bummer that she wasn't too much--just hurt like all heck, but a tolerable hurt.) We are learning. We are growing. We are finding our way again.

      MS, actually thank you for the questions. I'm sure others may have been afraid to ask, but were left wondering. If I missed anything please ask. I'm still working with some memory issues so that is another thing this is helping me work on.


  4. I can't tell you how good it is to hear from you! I knew whatever happened was serious, but I never realized how serious. You are truly blessed, what a great family you have.

    I've blogged longer than most. I've gone through several 'sets' of friends out here. Most I'm still in touch with, but they have moved on from blogging. Some days I feel that they moved on and grown to other things, while I'm left behind. I was left wondering if I was in a rut and should let blogging go. I gave it a lot of thought and ended up with this - I enjoy blogging and I enjoy the contact with others who understand TTWD. What else do I really need to convince me to keep blogging?

    Like you, but for different reasons, Nick and I are just beginning to dip our toe into this again. And whether it works or not, for now I'm smiling. I hope blogging will make you smile, I hope you continue to heal at a faster rate than you expect. And I hope you'll keep blogging and sharing with us. It's good to have you back.

    1. Oh, PK, I am so very excited for you. I will pray that this time it sticks and things grow nicely for you.

      Yes, it was serious. I was the closest to dying that I can ever imagine and that's even after our last child was born and I had significant complications. I was also alone in the hospital without being able to ask the right questions or know exactly what was going on. It was really hard and the medications were causing crazy hallucinations. Such a crazy time. I'm happy to be gaining strength. Blessings abound.

      As far as blogging, I think some do it for a season. Your here for the long haul and I think it's others like you and Ronnie who make it possible for others to see that blogging can be a lifetime journey. It can ebb and flow, but it is always something you enjoy. I am learning that. I am hoping to journal this progress as I go and let others know that DD is possible even after a health crisis. That blogging isn't just some thing we do, but a part of us as a whole. I appreciated your kind words. They help alot. Hugs!

  5. God bless you! I am glad your back and so happy you are doing better. Please don't be a stranger, we miss you.


    1. Awe, Mignon, that is so sweet of you to say. I appreciate that statement. I've missed being here too. I'm happy to be back and doing better too! I will do my best to not be a stranger. I enjoy being here too. It's healing.

  6. Baker,
    I am sorry to hear that you have been through some very rough health issues....especially during the time of Covid and could not have your dear Hoss with you. You have been incredibly brave. I'm glad to hear that you are on the mend and that your blogging friends have been there for you.

    It's good to see you in blog land again. Welcome back. God bless. Sincerely, Windy

    1. Thanks, so much, Windy,
      It has been a journey I would not have chosen, but feel that we as a family have grown immensely from it. Thank you for your words of welcome. I appreciate it!

  7. I read this with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I like your positive attitude. I will be praying for you and your family. And I hope that we will both be back in blogland more and more. A lot of good people are here.

    1. Hey, Blondie,
      Thanks so much for your prayers. I would be so happy to see you in blogland as well. I miss you! You are correct. There are a lot of really good people in the land. It's a helpful and encouraging place to be.

  8. Oh hon. Even knowing how hard this time was for you... I’m tearing up myself reading everything. You are amazing as is Hoss and the kids.
    As you know my guy has been through a great deal. It’s hard going through a health crisis. Having the love and support of family and friends makes all the hardships easier.
    Your strength and positivity is amazing!