Am I A Wimp?

Yesterday morning we came home from church and then I had an errand to run.  When the kids were all home I started asking the kids to get busy on chores.  I guess my voice was a bit sharp... maybe cranky is a better word?  I know my voice was beginning to rise in volume.  I was on my way into the kitchen telling everyone as I went how "Gross," the kitchen looked.  Hoss stopped me dead in my tracks.  

"25," he said sternly and boy, he sure was NOT happy with me.  I stopped, but continued mumbling under my breath.  "I have seen this kitchen look gross, this is not gross, it's not really bad at all.  Breathe."  

I bit my lip.  "Okay," I tried to bow out gracefully, but he would not let me go with just that.  He didn't even say anything just gave me that look.  "I'm sorry, it doesn't look gross, but I told so and so to do such and such and it's not done and I'm tired of picking up after everyone!"  I declared this as if it would change his mind.  Would it grant me some form leniency? 

We did not have time to get to those 25 yesterday, but I'm nervous.  I do not seem to be handling things as well since I was sick.  My skin is just more sensitive.  It's like I've got a "Virgin butt."  Ugh!  Could that possibly be true?  What is wrong with me?  

I have jitters.  I am not scared of a spanking at all.  I just do not like the pain during the actual spanking.  Afterwards I'm fine.  I still definitely love the way it resets my heart and I feel very loved.  But during I'm struggling, actually fighting the process with myself and sometimes with Hoss.  He knows how much I respond to this type of discipline and I know he's being careful with me.  Lots of breaks and words of encouragement, but folks, I do not know if it's just very sensitive skin from the meds I'm on or I'm just seriously starting over again.  

Ideas? Suggestions?  Anything would be helpful.  I just don't feel like myself in this area right now....

--Baker

PS: I'm really sorry this is so late.  My weekend was crazy busy, productive, good, just busy.

Nothing New Around Here

It's Thursday folks, and nothing new around here.  Seriously, we have snow, it's cold, we are still busy as always, spanking happens when needed.  Not sure what else to say.  But I did think I'd share some Peanuts with you.  I love me some good Peanuts.  

I thought this one was appropriate for a lot of people I love right now whose lives aren't going where they would like it to be right now.  Hugs and prayers to you right now.

A truth I try very hard to live by.

Yes, you do. Stop telling yourself you don't.

And this is so so so true!  

Yes!  Has anyone tried the Dove Chocolates with Caramels.  Definitely my new favorite.  Just have to keep them hidden from my kids!

I hope you all feel this way!  I do about you all.

So true.  I try to definitely keep things positive.  Right now it's more like dancing in the snow, but you get the idea.

And for all of those who need it right now.

Yes, you truly do.

I love spending time here writing and visiting with each of you.  

I also adore my family and friends.

And that folks sums up life for me.

Love seeing you all in the comments and know more are reading.  Thank you for taking the time to visit Hoss and me.  Hugs!

--Baker

50

 

Fifty is a bad number.  Fifty is not fun.  Fifty is unfair.   I do not like fifty.  It seems, well, dramatic.  Or maybe it makes me feel dramatic.  It just seems like a big number   with lots of implications.

No, I am not turning nifty fifty.  Neither is Hoss.  So what does fifty have to do with this post?  Ugh, I know most of you have figured it out by now.

I had fifty coming and Hoss was not going to let me out of it.  We had been sick so this fifty was hanging over my head for several days.  I had given him a few dirty looks, some snide remarks and I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes when I should have been listening to whatever he was saying.  In other words, my attitude was not what it should have been and he warned me where I was headed.  He felt those responses needed fixing especially when he had given me chances to fix it.  Anyone else know where this is heading?  

He waited until I came to him and let him know I felt well enough to accept my swats.  They were not soft swats, not overly hard.  All were deserved.  I was emotional and tired and yes, I had tears in my eyes.   It hurt even though he gave them in ten swat increments.  

Bertha spoke loud and clear.  Do NOT have an attitude with Hoss.  I got the message.  And now I feel better.  

Hugs and being held.  Sweet reassurance.

No more waiting for fifty.

Just relaxed.  Feeling loved.

Now, how was your weekend?

--Baker

Obey

I am here to tell you folks, obedience is a nice long word.  Obedient is only slightly smaller.  But they both mean one must obey.  Why do I struggle with that little word, sometimes?  I sure would love to know.

This morning (Wednesday) as Hoss was leaving for work he gave me a sweet, warm bear hug.  I love his hugs.  As I turned to walk away he gave me two soft swats on my nightgown clad bottom.  "Obey," was all he said before releasing me.  Who else gets those little flutters in their tummy when their man says to, "Obey?"  I smiled to myself, promising myself that I would do just that.  To Hoss I mumbled an, "Okay," or a "Yes," I truly do not remember.  I was too caught up in my own mind about that little word.

Later this morning Hoss and I were texting back and forth about a meal I was preparing for a friend of his from work.  I was going on and on about what my ideas were and his reply...Pick three things.  That's all that is needed.  He reminded me that I had been having a lot of foggy brain this week and I was setting myself up for failure.  His little pats on my bottom and telling me to obey came screaming back to my head.  Obey.  Such a tough tough word.

He was right of course.  Be careful and gentle with myself.  It also means I obey him.  But I wrestle with this.  I want to.  I desire to.  My human nature is to just fight against him.  There isn't a reason those feelings pop out.  He is seriously trying to make life easier for me.  Just trying to work through those feelings.  Submit.  Obey.  That's what I need to do.  Just pray I can do it.  Does anyone else struggle like this?  Can I be the only one?

--Baker

Let's Recap, Shall We?

So, the other day, I was bemoaning in my latest post that I was feeling like we were in a bit of a desert simply because there were no spankings to be had.  In our home, we have a definite hard and fast rule.  I am not allowed to post anything without Hoss' permission when it comes to this blog.  It's for our own safety.  Always put an extra set an eyes on what I write before I post it.  Occasionally, that comes back to bite me in the butt.

Let's recap, shall we?

My latest post had to do with feeling like I was definitely lacking in the spanking arena.  Hoss and I had both been sick and even though we were sick, I was craving a reset.  Well, in order to share with you all my dilemma, I had to share the post with Hoss first.  

Let's recap his reaction, shall we?

He began to read in earnest as he almost always does.  My man is very sweet and supportive of this blog.  He also wants to make sure we do our best to present DD in a way that helps or teaches others.  We also want to be authentic.  Show our readers the real us as best as we can, without necessarily oversharing.  So, Hoss picks up my laptop and is reading away.  When he sets it down he chuckles.  I look up from my side of the bed.  "What's up?  Did you like it?"  He grins.  "Oh, we will definitely be taking care of that."  I smiled and we left it at that.  We were both worn out.  Kids were still up.  It was not going to happen right then, and probably not even that night and we both knew it.

Let's recap when it did happen, shall we?

The next morning, as Hoss was getting dressed for work, he beckoned me to him.  It was early, my brain was not in first gear yet, so of course I went to him.  "Let's take care of that post," he said sweetly.  "Huh, what??? Now?" Of course now.  That makes perfect sense, right?  I shook my head and he gestured to the bed.  

Let's recap the spanking, shall we?

I leaned over the bed, praying.  Yes, praying because I needed this.  Praying because I didn't expect this right now.  Praying because I really really want the release from this reset.  Hoss begins swatting with his right hand.   I am clinching my eyes and breathing through each swat.  Hard and steady swats.  A few dozen swats and we are done.  He pulls me up in a hug and a kiss.  "All better?" he asks.  I smile.  Of course, I'm all better!  It's what I needed.  I know what keeps me even keel.  Hoss smiled back.  I love that smile of his.  "All better?" he asks.  "Yup," came my reply.  We share a hug.

Let's recap why this works, shall we?

Because my husband knows me.  Sometimes I need to ask for it and I don't.  Sometimes I ask for it and he cannot deliver immediately, but he still takes care of me as soon as he can.  We know what works for us.  This works for us.  From the acknowledgement that I was in need to the delivery to the sweet touches afterward.  This is a dance that we choose to move to.  And it serves us well.

--Baker

Let's Talk About Spanking...

Did you read the title of my post?  I so want to talk about spanking with you, guys.  I do.  I am feeling very deprived right now.  Hoss has been sick for almost two weeks (and he felt the need to share) and other than the few swats I got the other day there has been NO spanking at our house.  

No, I am not joking.  Well, three light playful swats in the bed the other night, but that's all.  I mean we are in a drought here, people.  I may just about dry up and wilt away in this desert.  I know we are sick with this nasty junk, but come on here.  Seriously!  How in the world are we going to survive?  Should I go on?  I really could, but you get the gist of it.

Whew!  That felt good to get out my system.  Meltdown was so close to happening here.  I'm strung out on these steroids, and if Hoss wasn't gone most of the day working in his office, I do believe there would be spankings anew every hour of every day.  I am good like that, friends.  It is a refined skill at doing my best to be submissive and falling short at just about every turn.  It's just so easy to get into trouble, and at times, so difficult to stay out of it.  It's not always like that.  I have been known to be good, but right now my insides are all twisted about and I just need something to right my mind.  To get my emotions back into check.

I think I'm a spanko, but only when it comes to playful swats and such.  When it comes to the heavy stuff like being spanked for sass aka attitude, well, I'm a wimp anymore.  I'm begging to be let off before the spanking begins.  Is anyone else like that?  All too big for your britches until things take a nasty turn and your man starts throwing implements out onto the bed.  All that attitude melts like butter on a piece of toast and my sass starts to melt right along with it.

It's just the whole loss of not being spanked.  It is so hard when I'm used to it.  I mean, this probably is not even making sense, and maybe it's the meds talking, but I need a reset something awful, people.  I know it does not make sense, but it does.  When I get all wound tight like this, that's what I crave.  The worst part is that Hoss is the one that gives the spankings.  DUH!  And he really is not up to it right now.  I need a hug.  And a spanking.  Anyone else out there with me?

--Baker

I Heard You, NOT!

So Hoss told me to write this post.  So I did or rather I am.  Apparently, he feels, that yours truly has a slight problem.  I, personally, do not think I have a problem at all.  Alas, I will share with you, are lovely readers, and let you decide if this problem even exists or not.  (Okay, I know it does, but I still find it terribly hard to admit, even to myself).

Hoss had some time off between Christmas and New Year's in which he spent doing a great many projects around the house.  He returned to work, just to come home to quarantine a few days later.  Now, he is under the weather, but not to the degree that he is sick in bed kind of sick.  He's basically spent the few days catching up on some rest, bingeing his favorite shows and cleaning our room from top to bottom.  There is the basic storyline or set up for what is going on.  Are you ready for the issue at hand?  The problem, not problem?  Yeah, me too.  Here goes.

On several occasions, over the past two few weeks, Hoss has made the comment that Bertha needs to make an appearance for one reason or another.  I smile brightly at these times and change the subject as quickly as I can.  However, Hoss cannot be deterred from the conversation.  He will lead the conversation straight back to Bertha.  I cannot imagine why he thinks I'm not listening.  I'm listening aplenty, I just do not want to be...um...adjusted (in attitude that is.)  This whole discussion has not been said because I'm in trouble, but more because a reset is needed or Hoss just feels like I need a few swats to keep me in check.  Or maybe it is because I am teetering on the line of trouble, but we all know what an angel I am, so I hardly think that is the actual goal he has in mind.

Now, personally, I believe that Bertha deserves a better home.  Someone's home in which she could be out on display for some other housewife to glare at.  Bertha cannot like the dark safe she hides in, can she?  I mean, after all these years, you would think I would find someone out there who longs for a Bertha of their own.

Sorry, I got a bit distracted.  So on these occasions that Hoss has suggested that Bertha make an appearance and I have tried to avoid the topic all together.  I'm sure no one out there will believe that I can do a lot of quick talking to move the conversation away from Bertha or spanking in general.  I mean I am a self proclaimed spanko, but that gleam in Hoss' eye always makes me weary.  He has a definite love love relationship with Bertha.  I, on the other hand, prefers Bertha to stay away.  I mean a hand spanking most days will do the trick to warm me up, but Bertha is more a staple in, Keep-Baker-In-Line, kind of spanking, and well, that's not my favorite kind of spanking.

 A good example of one of these little talks went similar to what follows:

"Hey, honey, what did you call me in here for?"

"Can you sort out that mail for me?"  Hoss says nicely.  He had been sorting mail for awhile, trying to weed out what we could shred from last year and the pile was small considering all that he had been sorting through.  I, sort of, probably, rolled my eyes.  He frowned, but ignored me.

I quickly sorted out the mail and handed him the shred pile and took the mail we needed to save to the keep pile.  As I turned to walk away he asked me about another pile.  Now, my feathers were getting ruffled a bit.  I mean, he had kind of interrupted me, and I really do not being side tracked even for a good reason.  My attitude was really started to rear it's ugly head.  Maybe more than I realized.

"You know, I have realized that NO one can really hear me in here when the door is closed."  Hoss said rather matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I kind of noticed that too."  I knew what he was hinting at.  "You haven't tested your theory yet."  

He shrugged his shoulders a bit.  Obviously, not concerned about sound traveling whatsoever.  I made a face.  I know I did.  He made a face back.  One that indicated that I was over the line....Maybe I should not have said that.  I backed up.  So what did I say to help the situation?  I said, "I heard you, not."  This was said in teasing.  I understood what he was saying, even though he had not said a word.  It was my way of trying to lighten the mood.  Seeing that tactic did not improve his facial expression or body language I made an excuse and left abruptly.  

Well, being quarantined sure was not helped his spanking me desire.  He actually looked rather determined to spank me with Bertha with everyone home on the theory we would not be heard.  I knew I had trouble hearing him call out from the next room, and Hoss does not have a quiet voice.  Eek!  This was looking like a possibility.  

A short time later I ventured into our room again.  Testing the waters so to speak.  "Can you help me decide what to do with these books?"

"Sure," I said.  Hoss then proceeded to try to talk to me about something or other and midway through the sentence I finished his sentence.  Oh, my will I ever ever learn?  There was that frown again.  He started to say something again and what did I do?  Do we really need to say?  "I know, I know, I'm not supposed to interrupt you again."  UGH!  I did it again.  I did not let him get a word in edgewise.  His face turned a bit red and he closed his lips tightly together.  "I heard you, not."  What the heck?  I might have just signed, sealed and delivered my butt for Bertha.

Thankfully, Hoss is a gracious husband.  He just used his hand this time.  But I will definitely try a lot harder to not say, "I heard you."  

So, "Yes, Hoss, I heard you."  Loud and clear.  But I know there will come a time (and there already has) that what will cross my mind.  When I will think, "I heard you, I heard you not.".

--Baker