There seems to be a lot of sadness in blogland right now. I know of three bloggers that have lost loved ones in the last month or so and my heart goes out to each of you. I send you my prayers and sympathies. Several years ago we lost someone special between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I know the pain is deep and grief strong, especially with so much additional stress already piled on with the holidays. I pray for healing for each of you and your families.
It is with this post that I do not wish to dismiss what others are going through, rather I would like to ask for insight. I am simply feeling lost about some things. I really could use some wise counsel from others of you who have been there, done that. I am hoping that someone else has gone through a similar situation and could perhaps shed some light on where I may be going wrong.
To be honest, I am feeling embarrassed to be feeling this way, but feel the need to ask my question anyway. I am struggling to find my submission. I find it hard to submit during spankings or discussions or schedules or whatever is going on in the moment. He has been patient, incredibly patient. He has tried to help in many ways. Talking, he’s very good at prodding at me to share how I am feeling. Spanking, to help the stress, alleviate worries, chase away the sour attitude. Comforting, reminding me that he has me, that submission takes time, that he loves me forever and always. Writing that, admitting my insecurities, was almost as stressful as writing my first post.
But right now my heart is not in it. I know that I want dd/ttwd, but I just cannot get with it. I know the benefits, I see how close we have become and I love that, but right now it just seems so hard. I do not think he is asking too much of me, but for whatever reason, I cannot put my thoughts into words. Maybe it’s the fact that he is being so consistent and I’m just not use to that. Maybe it’s just the weather and embracing the everyday things after such a busy season that is hard. I truly have no idea what is triggering this, but I’m just wondering, hoping actually that others have found a time when submission just seemed hard and you really did not know the why and the how, but just that it is hard.
Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
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