Team I Vs. Team We

When Hoss and I were newly married I had a tendency to always say mine instead of ours.  Or I would refer to his side of the family instead of saying our family.  When we would argue I would have often say, “I can do this,” instead of, “we can do this.”  I know that it sounds like Baker is tripping over her words here, but let me see if I can explain better.

This is a typical discussion scenario we would have had pre-DD. 

Hoss: “We need to get the kids ready to go, we’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on.”

Baker: “Yeah, I’ll go get them ready.”

Hoss: “What can I do to help?”

Baker: “I don’t know.  I’ll do it.”

Hoss: “I can help.”

Baker: “Fine (said in a disgruntled voice)...I’ll send Kid X down with the clothes, you can get the little ones dressed.”

Fast forward half an hour and kids are dressed and we are ready to go. 

Hoss: “I’m going to go start the car.  Anything else we need to do before we leave?”

Baker: “No, I got it.”  

I, all by my little lonesome, would then spend the next ten minutes checking the diaper bag, shutting bedroom doors, turning off lights, fixing a snack to take, etc.  Note he only would say I when referring to a direct thing he alone could do.  Not so with me.  I was always the one always trying to be the martyr following on her sword to be the one to do EVERYTHING.

So I excluded him.  I treated him like he was incapable on many, many things.  I say this, even though it embarrasses me greatly to admit that I treated my sweet man so poorly.  I say this because it’s so much better now.  There is very little of this “I” team, it’s a whole lot more of Team We.

The reason I even bring this up is because I was away from my family for a conference for four days.  I had gone with my bestie and another friend we both know.  I did not know the other friend all that well, and she reminded me so much of my former self it was amazing.  She belittled her husband while on the phone while we were in the room, referred to him as another one of her kids, expressed many negative things about him.  Very rarely did we hear her say anything that positive about him. 

Folks, it made my heart hurt.  It reminded me of all of those years we wasted not being Team We.  I am keenly aware whenever I say “I” now.  I make sure I refer to either family as our family unless I need to specify as in Hoss’ mom instead of mine.  Also, we work as a team often making sure everyone is ready before walking out the door.  By doing this he is a stronger leader for our family.  He has always been the leader, but in title only.  Now, he truly is the HOH and we both prefer it that way.

I am still not the best at making sure I use the appropriate words, but I am much better.  DD has helped us considerably be more of Team We than Team I, and for that we are quite grateful.  Thank you, my sweet Hoss, for showing me the difference.

--Baker

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh

In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle the quiet jungle
The lion sleeps tonight

This song is such an ear worm, but I kid you not it applies to my post.  Well, sort of!  

Have you ever sat and wondered about bloggers?  Like what kind of person they present themselves to be on their blog is only a portion of what they are in real life, but it is that mere glimpse into his or her life that typically intrigues us to keep reading.  Maybe that person is close to your age or seems to have likes that correlate with yours.  Or maybe their personality resonates with you.  Whatever the reason, I find that we can truly learn so much from what that person shares on his or her blog posts.

That being said, I also think it’s fun to imagine other bloggers in the realm of what kind of animal each one is….I know quirky, but such an interesting concept.  So in the spirit of fun, I ask you to guess what I’m going to call my spirit animal.  What do you think I am really like in real day to day life. Also, explain what characteristics of the chosen animal you think I share with them because 
that's just part of the fun.  If you are feeling so inclined, share what you to believe Hoss to be as well.

When I have heard from enough of my readers I will share what I believe my spirit animal to be with all of you.  Bloggers, anyone care to join me?  Put up your own post inviting your readers to guess your inner spirit animal.  Solet’s let out a roar or a mousey squeak and share what kind of animal do you think I am?  

So get to posting and have a great weekend everyone!

--Baker (and Hoss)

Throwback Thursday...A Thought Provoking Question....

It's Throwback Thursday and this little post from February 2017 is a one that still causes me to pause and consider at least every so often.  The funny thing is the other morning I did try getting a few whacks in on my sweetie....let's just say his bums are of steel, mine are of flab and my hand hurt after one swat.  Obviously, he won that little wresting match!  Enjoy the throwback question and please answer...maybe if you commented the first time this was asked you may have a different response.  A year can make quite the difference you know....

A Thought Provoking Question....
Originally posted: February 26, 2017

My sweet Hoss and I were talking awhile back and he asked me a very thought provoking question. Now, I wish to ask it to each of you.  Whether you are a frequent flyer (reader or blogger) or if this is your first time here, I would love it if you would take a moment to respond.  His question really made me pause and think....

 If your significant other (in our case this would be Hoss) had brought ttwd/dd to you, would you have agreed to participate?  So basically, Hoss asked me, if he had been the one to want to pursue ttwd/dd would I have agreed to participate?

So, dear friends, I am encouraging each one of you to please, if you read this, to respond.   I really want to know what you all think on this subject.  My sweet man took a great risk and leap of faith to say yes to this lifestyle.  I'm curious if the rest of you, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you have reacted?  Had it been the other way around would you have gone along with this wild and crazy ride?  I know I told Hoss I would.

And for those of you where it was just an original part of the plan (ie you knew before you got hitched or got together) how did you respond?  Did it take time for you to adjust?  Were you an eager and willing participant from the get go?

So, folks, flood the blog with your take on this question.  There's really no wrong answer to this question, so have at it.  I'd really love to hear your opinions!  Thanks!

Thanks, so much to Windy for her suggestion of rerunning this particular Throwback Thursday post!
--Baker

Maintaining

From the archives of Baker that have yet to be published.  Please realize things have DRASTICALLY improved since I wrote this, but folks, some things still need to be said.  Somethings are too important to be forgotten in the lost archives.  So here is a post on a rough patch we were going through at the end of April..

We, women, are funny creatures.  We tend to want what we want when we want it, say what we want to say, how we want to say it, and such like that.  The thing is sometimes we want something so badly and then when it’s right there in our grasp we push it away, deeming ourselves not worthy or wanting to continue to control so not allowing ourselves to let go, or even just doubting ourselves.

We are, our own worst enemies. Those voices that needle us into not taking a position we want, getting involved in a relationship, or even following our big dream.  I applaud those of you who put your neck out there time and time again.  PK Corey inspires me whenever I read any of her Cassie or Cal books because she waited until her 50s to publish her first book.  That takes a lot of guts, folks!

Others of you are willing to try new things in your relationships and dive deeper knowing full well you may love or hate it, but will do anything because your partner has asked you to.

Now, why is Baker acting all sentimental and almost morose?  Because I’m struggling a bit right now, folks.  When I struggle I tend to mull things over and become reflective.  Hoss and I are good, but there is something that is bothering me and it is not something I am processing through very quickly.  It’s actually a slow process with me as we are very busy here.  I know I’m always saying that, but it just remains true.

We are just finding time a hard thing to manage right now.  We try.  Honestly, we do, but it keeps ticking away and things slip when we do not have spare minutes in the day.  So one of the biggest things that has slipped is maintenance.  For us, it is a great way to slow things down.  Show our commitment to one another and experience an intimate time together.  When we oversleep or are over busy or just plain too tired that good feeling  slips a bit more each day.  I struggle with the voices in my head and often those in my heart.  Hoss feels he has let me down.  The cycle deepens each day we do not have time to reconnect.

When we find ourselves in this cycle, we fight it at first, and then resign to the fact it just may be awhile before that reconnect can happen.  Then this awful thing happens to my heart.  It puts up those stupid walls again.  I deny it at first, but when it continues to occur, well, I just say, “it is what it is,” and keep going.  Hoss just gets up each day and keeps going, reminding me of my importance and his love and devotion to me and the kids.  But today I’m really pondering this...I know things will be better when we have time to reconnect, but until then I will continue to think things through, wish things will slow down a bit, and keep myself busy, uber busy. 

Also, I would like to add that when we do not connect daily, I begin to fight the reconnect time.  I know, absolutely silly of me, but I do.  I let hormones and voices and control creep back in.  I struggle and fight with myself to keep my voice respectful and my attitude light.  It can be so hard.  I am constantly craving a reset and fighting it at the same time. Hoss commented the other morning that he feels I’m self sabotaging the time we do have together in the mornings by sleeping in late.  Me thinks he’s on to me!  And after reading this he will most definitely know that I have been, sort of reluctant, to submit myself to a reset.  I like control and maybe, subconsciously, I am finding myself too tired and overworked, so that I do not have to submit to him.  See what I mean?  Us, women, we are are soooo good at not accepting what we need, even if what we need will make us feel better.

Please understand, the fact that I’m writing at all, just to get some of this out, means to me that I am finding it harder to process this in my own head, so I need to spill it out on paper.

It also reminds me that others out there are struggling with hard feelings too.

When I reach out, it’s to help to comfort (not that I am much comfort being all morose and all) and find support for myself and others.

Realize you all are not alone in your busyness.  This is just a season of life you are going through.

You are not alone in the longing for that connection.  Your loving HOH wants it too.

Your voices can be calmed if you give up control.  That means submitting and truly giving up that control.

Until then you are only doing your best, right here, right now.  Things will slow down and you will be back into your routine with your HOH soon.

It will take time to return to the good routine, that loving connection, and feeling that release of all those voices.  But when it happens it will be good again.  You just have to maintain until it happens.  I say this for you as much for myself.  Hang in there, everyone, it will be all good, soon.

Much love,
Baker

P.S. As I said above, all is good...not just good.  Fantabulous!

I'm Still Here and Throwback Thursday Post!

It seems every time I get on here the last few months it’s to apologize for my absence.  This one truly could not be helped.  I’d told a few other bloggers I was taking an unofficial sabbatical (too stinking bad it was not paid!).  Maybe a better term would have been a self imposed time out!  Anyway, I just could not find it in me to blog and worse yet, in my mind, is I did not want to blog.  

I lurked when I could and commented even less.  I apologize, but I just did not want to be in blogland.  I do not mean for that to sound rude.  It’s not any of you, just me...us.  Hoss and I are doing some re-prioritizing and my focus needs to be more on our home and children.  I was also finishing a large project that took what little reserves I had left.  My attitude has not been stellar lately.  I don’t like deadlines, but I needed this one.  Thankfully that project is done.  

I am feeling much better and now I’m ready to creep back in slowly and enjoy Blogland again.  I also treated myself to a wonderful new book.  Maybe you all have heard of it?  Educating Jenny by Ms. PK Corey.  It’s her third book in the series of Cal’s Law books.  If you want a good read, I’d highly recommend it.  I love the progress of the story line from book to book and I truly wish more authors would consider writing more serial style books on one couple.  It's like blogging where we can see the progress in an individual couple.

Other than that excellent book, I’ve not even been sure what to blog about.  I told a few that my muse has left me.  Well, thank you to PK and Nora Jean (with a little additional shove out the door by Amy) I am ready to post a Throwback Thursday post.  I hope you all enjoy it!  

By the way, Nora Jean, I’ve only blogged for 19 months.  I still feel sometimes as if I am toddling about and have no idea what I'm doing while the pros are still cranking out interesting and entertaining posts regularly.

So without further ado...a post I wrote last spring..


When Did...?
May 5, 2017

Not so many moons ago we started this little adventure and as I was pondering things this morning I came up with the reality that I have no idea when things changed.  I’m certain it was and is the same for most of you as well.  So, here is a bit of my wandering thoughts.

When did Hoss become a spanko?  Like when did that happen?  My sweet man who has always treated me like a prize (and continues to do so) and would never hurt me has become, a spanko.  Now, you ask, how do I know this? Well, the man gets a certain twinkle in his eyes when he or I mention words like Bertha, Senor Loopy or Sid.  He smiles wide and is at peace just by saying one of their names calmly to himself.  Yes, my friends, when did this wonderful man find his inner spanko.  As the old Tootsie Pop commercial says, “The World May Never Know!”  

I still love the tootsie pop commercial from when I was a kid.

When did this go from something I wanted. to something we both crave?  I’d love to know when that transition occurred.  It started out as something to help me feel complete and it evolved into something so much more than just being about me and my needs.  It became about him, me, us.  It strengthened our resolve to not be a statistic.  To cherish one another daily.  

Well, not exactly that kind of craving, but well....

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?  It was something to help our marriage, yes.  But when did it become where I meet him at the door excited to see him.  No, not Ward and June Cleaver stuff, but definitely something that is more affirming, more romantic, more intimate. Where I know he is in charge and it makes my heart beat faster just thinking of him.  

Awww!!

When did the spankings make things go from, “Hey, I’ll do this for you, but I don’t want to hurt you,” to “Hey, get over here, I’m going to spank some sense into you?”  Like, seriously, when did that happen?  I want to know when he went from spank carefully, my wife is fragile, to spank happy man? There are days I want Mr. Spank Carefully to return.  Geez.

This one speaks for itself.

When did once in awhile “exercise” become apart of the daily routine.  It “came’ quickly, I’d say.  Let’s just leave that one alone, why don’t we…..

Duh, no brainer.

When did the focus change from individual, do your own thing, to checking in and making sure we were both good with our plans.  That need to be connected daily and when the connection is not there it is not ignored, but felt deeply.  And knowing there is a way to improve it.

When did we become so connected?  I never remember allowing myself to feel so deeply and yet feel so much more myself at the same time.  Our connection has grown, but I also feel like we are both still so uniquely individual, but more of who we were before, if that make sense.  It as though by being a stronger couple we are allowed the freedom to be more of who we are as individuals as well.

When did I allow myself this vulnerability?  I have always been such an independent woman.  Even as a little girl I “didn’t need any help” and yet now I crave his help.  I want and value his input and wisdom.  In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I’ve allowed him to be affirmed in his role as my protector and leader than ever before.

I could not choose between the two of these, so I'm giving you both.

When did all of these things happen?  I do not know, but I’m so thankful they did.


I could go on, but I’m also very curious from the rest of you out there.  When did….(fill in the blank) happen?  I’d love to hear from everyone who stops in, even if you do not have a when did, please feel free to just say, “Hi.”  Thanks again for reading.

Thanks for reading!  I hope everyone enjoyed this throwback Thursday, I sure did!  It definitely gave me the kick in the butt to get going again.  A special thanks to Windy, Amy, and Lindy for listening to all of my wishy washy, indecisive chatter on the subject of "to blog or not to blog."  Now, I remember why....thanks everyone!

--Baker



  

Second DD Anniversary

Hoss and I began DD around our real anniversary two years ago.  So I just thought I'd drop in and say we could not be happier with the results.  We have grown slowly over these past two years and there have been more benefits than we first imagined.  The best part is we have grown closer together and felt more in tune with one another.  I will say there are still rough days or difficult patches.  We are still dealing with lots of kiddos in our home.  Sometimes that makes things extremely difficult to always incorporate DD like we would really like, but the fact that we are still improving, still learning and moving forward is definitely wonderful.

So, to the love of my life, I thank you, Hoss, for being the man you are for me and the kiddos.  I love you more than words can ever express.

Truly bless and thankful!  Have a great rest of your week, everyone!

--Baker

Dear Abby...Errr...Dear Amy?

Dear Abby was a post read for many years offering advice to others regarding etiquette, manners, etc.  Well, in blogland I inadvertently found my own Dear Abby in the form of Amy over at http://eric51amy49.blogspot.com.  She actually asked the first question in my March Q and A.  Asking if Hoss had any other questions for the HOHs out there in blogland.  Eric was the only HOH to respond in a post of his own, though I did get an email from Roz giving Rick’s ideas as well.  Hoss took some of that lovely information from Eric (who I used to think was a very sweet HOH, now I’m not so sure) and applied it….literally and liberally to my bottom.

Now, some of you newer or less adventurous readers out there may be wondering what in the world am I talking about.  Well let’s put it this way...it was not a spanking that Eric suggested.  I would have probably been a bit chagrined if he suggested I needed one, but I am used to spankings as well, being Baker and all, I tend to be in trouble more often than the rest of you very submissive souls (snickering).  

No, Eric, in his HOH wisdom, suggested something by the name of capsicum cream.  Does this ring any bells with anyone else out there?  Well, there are some things that Eric suggested here that required a bit of further information, as we had never tried anything like capsicum before.  Something to do with where that capsicum should go.  So off I went to send a little email asking for verification and further explanation on what this was all about.  Afterall, there were a few horror stories out there that I had no desire to be apart of any way, shape, or form.

Dear Amy, well, she gave some very, very pertinent advice in her response back.  Good information.  It included the cream will last up to 24 hours after application (seriously good info to know), it can be activated by heat (her example included sun hitting the seat in her car and rewarming her backside), and best of all the antidote of using milk (definitely a need to know if for some reason your HOH applies a bit too much to your hiney}.  She described the feeling as being that warm after spanked burn or sting that we all enjoy.  In my mind I’m thinking, it really cannot be that bad, as Eric and Dear Amy seem to use it regularly and know what they are talking about.   I thanked her, thinking I had all the of the best information friendship can buy, informed Hoss of the information, and I purchased the capsicum cream once he thought it might be worth the try.

So about two weeks ago was our first introduction to this “silent spanking” cream.  Well, my first introduction as you all know was Hoss applying it, not participating, even though I suggested he should.  (I’ve been told I’m sassy that way!)  Well, let’s say it was just as she described.  A nice after spanked feeling that lasts and lasts and well, lasts.  Not awful, in my humble opinion.  Not dramatic, but it did one thing I was not expecting.  It changed my attitude.  I had been feeling a bit snarky and I went from snarky to, “I love my man!” within just a few minutes.  It was also a very good reminder all day long.  Hoss checked on me regularly to make sure it was not too uncomfortable or anything.  I have to admit there were a few times I was silently cursing Amy, as the lingering sting went on all day long.  Even though I enjoy the after spanked feeling as much as the next girl, all day was too long to feel that way.

The surprise came the next day.  I woke up with a migraine.  Mind you I rarely have migraines.   Part of me worried if there was a connection between the “cap” cream and the migraine, but it was just impossible to know as my neck and shoulders were hurting as well.  I thought perhaps I had slept wrong  Regardless, Hoss called from church and suggested I take a nice hot shower and loosen up those upper back muscles.  Ahhh, that sounded really good.

STOP LAUGHING!  You may know what was going to happen, but I am still in the learning stage here and well..I was not thinking clearly from the pain meds.   I said to stop... I can hear you giggling and snorting your coffee.  Enough already!

So I get into the shower.  Things are going fine as I stand with the water hitting my face and front.  I’m enjoying the shower until...I had to turn around.  I turned to allow the water to hit my shoulders and things went wrong…  Like I was literally doing a “just spanked dance” in the shower while trying to let the water hit my shoulders.  After about 30 seconds, I realized Dear Amy was dead wrong.  It can last wwwwayyy more than 24 hours (we were looking around 28 at this point) and I gave up and got out.  The burn was intense.  I was rubbing and dancing and calling Hoss from the bathroom.  Mind you, Hoss is at church, but I called his cell anyway.  I had many not so nice things to say about Dear Amy and her advice right then.  And do you know what that man said?  He laughed. My head is hurting, my bum is burning, and my man is laughing and snorting into the phone at my predicament.  (Be careful, folks, no spilling your coffee or tea here!)  He kindly got himself under control and suggested I go back to bed and rest up. I did.  Yes, I can be obedient that way.  (I know, hard to believe, right?  Had to have been the migraine).  The cool sheets felt very nice and helped to take away some of the burn.  

The next day I was feeling much better and had my second dose as well, sorry folks, Hoss knew he was on to something that worked when I needed the extra incentive to behave.  The problem here was that I had just taken a nice long hot shower.  Do you all know what happens when you have a nice long hot shower?  Yeah, me neither.  Well….it opens up your pores!  Like it really opens up your pores and that cap cream, well, let’s just say it hurt like it did the day before, just way more intense.  That just spanked feeling, it lasted all day with a very hot bum.   It was also a day that most of my things on my “to do list,” had to be done while sitting, so it kept me plenty warm, to say the least.  What fascinated me again though, was how compliant I felt inside and I felt good inside even if my bum did not fare to well.  Thankfully, folding chairs tend to be cool, even if they are hard, and it kept the warmth from getting out of control.

I finally emailed Dear Amy and got a wonderful response.  You guessed it, she was laughing!  She said, “I gave you the antidote.” Well, yeah, she did that.  So came my grumblings and complaining.  Dear Amy, I love you, girl, but see there is a wee bit of a thing that neither you or I considered in our discussions.  We are not at the same season of life as you guys.  We have loads of young tender minds wandering around.  The only bath we have is in their bathroom.  If momma had walked upstairs, grabbed a gallon of milk out of the fridge and started filling up the bath I’d have loads of explaining to do.  The burn on my butt, was way more tolerable than the headache that would have been caused by all the questions those little and not so little people would have asked.  Oh, and that applying the cap cream after a shower.  Yeah, she thought I knew the answer to that one too.  I can laugh now at my naivete, and it’s thanks to Dear Amy as she definitely helped me to see the humor in all of this!   So, I learned something valuable about Dear Amy.  I need to ask heaps and tons of questions just to make sure I have all the information needed before I bring an idea to Hoss.  I also need to realize all of the trial and error we have had is helpful to all of you out there.  No thanks needed, it was worth it.

So, things to know about cap cream as shared by Amy----AFTER THE FACT as well as a few of my own observations!

1. Do NOT take a shower prior to application.
2. It can last up to 48 hours (Thanks to Cat for that tip!)
3. Heat really and truly can reactivate it every single time.
4. After awhile that just been spanked feeling is not as fun hours later.
5. That I hide my bum at the mere thought of cap cream being mentioned by Hoss.  (Just 
so you know, backing against the door with hands securely attached to your backside 
does not aid in it not being applied.)
6. The saying, “Do not try this at home,” could definitely be applied to this post.
7. Do not suggest to Hoss that it works best if the cap cream is applied prior to a spanking.  
(Pray he skims over this part when he reads this…)
8. Finally, you can take a shower afterwards if and only if you are brave enough and smart 
enough to put your bum against the shower wall and keep it there while you turn just enough to wash your hair and body.  Trust me on this one, it will safe you a great deal of pain.
9.  Make sure your HOH puts gloves.  Without gloves there is a serious risk of not washing all of the cream off his hands.  Ensure you do not touch your bum after application.  You do NOT want to risk touching a sensitive area such as your eyes, nose or private areas.  This is a bum cream ONLY.
10. Double check you are not allergic to any of the ingredients in the cap cream.  You could also try a teeny amount first to see if you have any type of allergic reaction.

Dear Amy, you are an awesome lady and I do appreciate all of the advice.  I will make sure in the future when I pick your brain, to ask many, many questions even if I think I’ve got something figured out.  Would have saved me from that “shower dance” and the “after shower my pores are open dance!”  or learning how to manipulate the shower or….anyway, you get the picture!  Thanks, Eric and Amy, for your help and for reviewing my post!

--Baker