Monday, December 12, 2016


I have had a lovely week away from blogland and have done a great amount of self reflection. I left you all last week with the concept of a list and schedule for me to work diligently on.  I had a terrible time following the new schedule because of one little word.  Control. 

I do not like to feel controlled or be controlled. I enjoy being in control.  That does not play out well since we began DD/TTWD last spring. It did not play out well last week at all.  What I did end up doing was taking a the time off from the computer to do a great deal of thinking. My man and I also had a weekend away without children, so more discussion was done regarding the list and schedules and desires for our family in general.  My husband also took this opportunity to introduce my bottom to a quiet implement that literally had me doing a dance that I do not care to repeat.  I also found out a little bit more about control in the Carlisle household.  Let’s lay out the situation.

Yours truly can be very submissive or very controlling.  I chose the trip back to our place of lodging to be very controlling over something very ridiculous--traffic.  Three lanes were merging into one and there were people who were not waiting their turn and trying to speed up and cut in.  I was trying to explain that I used situations like this to explain to our children how it makes others feel when you cut in line or do not wait your turn.  My hubby had a different point entirely.  He felt it was a good time to teach our children to be patient with others who want their own way.  An opportunity to show kindness when kindness is not shown to you.  Both points were equally valuable, but it was at this time that I was clearing speaking over him and refusing to listen to drop the subject so he could just focus on the traffic jam.  I finally conceded, but the foundation had been laid to try out that new implement.  
(Unfortunately this is what gets me in trouble far too often!)

When we returned to our room I used many excuses on why he could not spank me here.  It would be too loud.  No, he said, it would not, the implement was quiet, it was me who could choose or not choose to be loud.  Someone might hear anyway I said.  He told me to hush and bend over. The tv was on and our room did not have anyone on either side of us.  I did, but with the first swat I was up and moving and having none of that stingy thing.  Again.  I was trying desperately to control a situation that I had no control over whatsoever.  Finally, after many more swats and me jumping around trying to avoid every single one he put the wicked loopy implement down and walked away.  I thought he was just finished, but in all reality he was trying to calm down.

A good bit later after we both had just sat and watched tv and ignored one another I asked him if he wanted to play cards.  He frowned.  I asked what the matter was with him.  I was told I had not submitted to his discipline and that did not sit well with him.  

I sighed.  I knew I had not.  A few more minutes passed and I took a deep breath, got off the bed and pulled my pants off and leaned over the bed.  He asked what I was doing.  I said submitting as best as I could.  He nodded and came over to me, grabbing that wicked “quiet” implement, and started in before I changed my mind.  I actually managed to submit to the whole spanking keeping quiet or practically gnawing a corner of my pillow off as I bit into it to keep quiet. When it was over and he rubbed my back and bottom he told me he was so proud of me for submitting to him.  Folks, I may have been sore, but I felt like I was on the top of the world with that little comment.  The rest of the evening followed with other things that were enjoyed as well.

So, I found that relinquishing control is hard to do.  Submitting in obedience is hard to do, but we were both so much better for it when we know our roles.  I learned how easy it was to disappoint him when I did not follow him or “lean in” as Meredith has so beautifully said before.  That it feels good and makes him proud of me when I willingly submit to his authority rather than fight him tooth and nail for control.  It is at the very heart of ttwd/dd to submit and relinquish control and allow your man to be the head of the household in more than title only.  We were also able to work towards a list and schedule that should help all of us maintain and reach goals that we have set for ourselves and our family.

Hope everyone is doing well and has an awesome week!  That you have your Christmas shopping complete or if you are celebrating another holiday that you are relaxing and enjoying it was well.  God bless!


  1. You story had me squirming. I know it must have taken a lot of will power to walk back over to the bed like that; it's inspiring to me to take my punishments better. So glad you had a great weekend of connecting with your man even if your bum is a little more sore for it! ;)

  2. Hi Baker, I found this quite hard to be honest. For us ttwd is much more a fun thing and I know my husband would not have used an implement that I found so difficult to take. I think for us there would always be more of a middle ground. I am glad you had a good weekend and hope things settle for you now.
    love Jan, xx

  3. Hurrah for you...submission is not always easy....I guess if we think of it could it be? I meant Master late in life, I was as independent and stubborn as could be. Our early years were rocky...I had major trust issues, He gets lot of credit for never giving up. There are still times when submission is not easy, but now I do know how good it can feel. Thanks for posting will help others.
    hugs abby

  4. I admire your submission. I agree with Jan in that I think perhaps I would have felt better if your husband had chosen a 'lesser' implement to finish the lesson.

  5. Baker,
    It is in the relinqushing of control that you feel submission in your heart. It does take some time to get there as a husband leads and perhaps for the very first time, a wife learns to follow.
    I do love Jan's take and agree completely with her. However, it takes time to get to that fun point in leading and submission. We are there in many ways. Yes, there are bumps, but for the most part, we are right there.

  6. Baker good for you in submitting. I also agree with what the others have said on using a different implement. I guess it was your husbands choice though. We mainly have fun spankings, just the occasional punishment. Bear usually stops if I can't take anymore. Each to there own rules and journey though.

    Hugs Lindy xx

  7. Well it sounds like your weekend away was very full. I'm glad you got time to be away, those times are so precious. I'm sorry you got to learn what a quiet implement feels like... That doesn't sound pleasant... But I am impressed that you chose to go back over the bed... I don't know that I would have had the guts for that... I had my own... Warming... Story this weekend 😳 I guess it was a weekend for lessons😂 I jope your new schedule starts working for you.

  8. Hi Baker, good on you for submitting. It is definitely not always easy to give up control and there are times, depending on the situation we want to be in control.

    I think I would have felt better if your husband had chosen a different implement also. I'm glad it ended well with the two of you reconnected :)


  9. Well done in leaning in to your husband eventually. Giving up control is very hard but I do feel you had an overly harsh punishment in that instance. Sorry, I know I've broken an unwritten rule there.
    Rosie xx

  10. Baker, for me submission would have been not letting myself direct my husband in the traffic you spoke of. I once let him get lost on a trip to San Antonio, just to practice shutting my mouth in the car. When he finally realized we were lost, he pulled off the interstate and in to a gas station. I asked if he would like me to ask for directions, because I know he hates doing that. He said yes, and we finally made it to our destination.

    For me, submission has very little to do with the spanking and much more to do with listening and giving up control.

    Hugs From Ella

  11. Letting go of control is difficult to do and yet you found a way to submit and bring yourselves closer. Though I am so very sorry for the "quiet" implement - my understanding of quiet implements is that the sounds made by the receiver makes up for the quietness of the spanking itself. Take care and hugs

  12. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
    The points you made were right on!

  13. That letting go can be difficult, Baker. Proud of you for submitting. All the 'silent' implements I've read about here in blogland seem to be more painful than the 'traditional' ones. You might ask hubby if you two could experiment with implements to find a 'happy' medium between something that is bearable and what he feels is appropriate.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  14. I also want to submit wholeheartedly to my HoH, but my past experience of being the one in control for so long won't let me sometimes, but I'm working on it. I'm proud of you for finally submitting to your man's discipline. I am still struggling with this, but with my submission training session coming up in a few weeks, my man is going to help me with that. May I ask what quiet implement you both used? If that's private, I understand, don't mean to pry.
    Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  15. Hi Baker, :) I'm in agreement with a lot of the people here. Some experimenting with implements might be a very good thing to do... especially if you are having trouble submitting on a regular basis. A loopy, quiet implement is very harsh, I have heard. It would never see the light of day here...

    On a number of occasions, I think about what your write and feel as though you and your hubby need to have a big sit down. I sometimes wonder if you are after spanking, or after submitting. I also wonder if your hubby is after your submission vs. spanking. I worry that perhaps you are both coming from different places. It all takes work, and especially communication. There are times when things are messy, and times when things are really great. You just want to be on the same page as to what you really want. :) You don't want that loopy thing on a regular basis... unless you do.

    Submission is not always easy. What is important, in my humble opinion, is doing the things that make each other happy, because you want to... for your husband, for your family and for you. So I hope that you both can talk, and figure things out together moving forward. It seems like I read about too much struggle here sometimes, and too harsh. That may be exactly what you both want. And that is cool! If it is not, then I am cheering you on, as you work to figure it all out! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  16. Dear blogging friends, quite frankly I'm shocked at some of the responses to Baker's post here. I don't recall her asking anyone their opinion on her husband's actions, his choice of implements, or what her dynamic needs.

    I do understand that it is hard reading about other's punishments (and frankly, why I rarely read blogs myself, because I get way too empathetic and uncomfortable reading about situations that are so hard for me to submit to myself). And I also understand that many posted or commented out of concern. However, unless someone is asking for advice, or in a serious situation that sounds like it may be abusive, it's my personal opinion that it is best to refrain from judgmental or critical comments.

    When a taken-in-hand lives in a house full of children or extended family (as both Baker and I do), silent implements aren't only an option, they are often a necessity. I am spanked quite regularly with a silent implement and I live to tell about it. Loopy johnnies, tilt wands, canes, and switches ARE on the more severe end of the spectrum, but only if applied severely. They can be modified, and though I really do dislike being spanked with one, that's the point. I should not WANT to be spanked with one. I should want to obey my HOH. Punishment spankings are not fun.

    I once posted about Jason pulling my hair to get me to obey, and you'd have thought the man branded me with an iron or something equally horrific. It wasn't cruel, and it wasn't over the top, it was a dominant move made to get my attention, but the blog comments rolled in like and made me just about give up blogging altogether.

    Please extend kindness to Baker. Though she is new to blogland, she is not new to submitting to her husband. Her husband takes his role seriously. It is not her place to criticize him in front of her children. Here, that would have gotten me a very serious spanking. It is not her place to criticize his choice of implement. I admire her courage in submitting to that spanking the second time and find such submission inspiring.

    Baker is a friend of mine and I can assure you she is not in an abusive situation. She is learning, like we all are, how to submit, and sometimes those lessons are very painful. (((Hugs))) to you, Baker. Keep up the good work, honey.

  17. Hi Baker, I am a fellow blogger but I'm just seeing yours for the first time. I appreciated this post, and your recounting of the difficulties you faced in submitting. I second a lot of what J Girl said. DD, TTWD, or really anything two partners chose to practice with each other, is incomparably personal.

    I suppose a general marital rule is that both of you are comfortable (emotionally) with where things are headed, and it seems like you are- outside of that the concept of rules, norms, or "appropriateness" is almost humorous in the context of a dynamic like this. Every HoH is different, every submissive is different, and every couple is different. We all have unique strengths and unique weaknesses that require unique attention at unique times.

    As for implement type, geez, my husband has a polycarbonate (bullet resistant) paddle, a looped cane, and nothing else- one or both are used at varying intensities for every instance we face! What's more, if I critiqued his implement choice he would either heartily use both of them or we would have a serious conversation about whether or not I really want to relinquish control :P But most importantly, that's what WORKS for US- it is always hard, but in my heart I so prefer that he always have complete control in our use of DD, and he knows that and has lovingly stepped up to help me/us achieve that type of power exchange in our marriage.

    So from the unconventional side of things I say good for him for doing what he felt was best, good for you for finding a way to submit, and good for both of you for finding something that each of you are glad to be a part of!

  18. Hat up for your bravery!!! Submit in this way is just wow! Good for you both. ;) hugs, bibi