Sunday, December 4, 2016

The List

The following post needs a bit of perlude in order for you to understand where I am coming from.  In the last few weeks and months (even prior to blogging) I have found myself spending an enormous amount of my time (not necessarily spare time) reading blogs and books.  Once I began to blog that time has increased more than my man likes and so lays the foundation for this post.  I hope some of you can relate and provide me with some of your own thoughts and feedback on how to manage the situation I have currently found myself in.  

I have read about many of your husbands having a list or a scorecard or slate.  That is not the kind of list my husband keeps.  Actually, I’m not sure if he keeps a mental list of my transgressions or not as he refers to it as tally marks, but I have yet to figure out how he computes or figures those out.  It’s basically a mystery to me.  

Anyway, wow, I’m already off topic here.  The whole point of this post is not his list, but mine.  He wants me to write one.  Like daily.  To keep me focused.  



I have a list.  It’s in my head, but herein lies the problem.  The problem is called rabbit trails. Rabbit trails are my friend.  I like them.  I enjoy following after them.  



They are more fun than a list of to dos.  A list, requires me to look at it and get things done.  I do not like lists. They are….confining.  I do not like to look at a long list and figure out what should come first.  It discourages me.  A nap sounds excellent.  If it was on the list it would not happen.   No, I’m not lazy. Just easily distracted. i.e. the very reason for the list.  I could sit here all day reading. Reading blogs, reading short stories, reading books.  (By the way, I just spent several weeks reading PK Corey's Cassie series, AWESOME!  Put it on your reading list if you have not already read them).  I could read my life away and forget to eat or aimlessly munch on things I should not eat.  I can fall asleep reading, just to wake up and read some more.  



So, herein, the list.  He wants me, to write one, daily.  I have been asked, nicely, to write the list.  I have been requested, sternly, to write the list.  I have written a few posts now, tons of stories and journals in my lifetime, and yes, heaps of lists--when I worked outside our home I was the list queen. Not so much now.  I have spent the last 14 years avoiding writing them like the plague.  It was no problem when the kids were younger and I had less of them.  I could keep track and my sweet mom came several days a week to help me keep up.  Maybe she was the one making the list.  Who knows?



Well, now it’s up to me to make the list.  I do not need to be told the benefit of the list.  I just do not like it staring at me throughout the day as I while away my day doing other things. Things from the list may get done, but it is not efficient to write a list and walk away never to look at it again.   So, I not only need to write said list, but actually attempt to complete everything on it. 

Bored, yet?
(Okay, I will)

Okay, folks, the bare bones issue here is control.  I want to control my day without following a schedule or a list.  To do things on a whim, if I so desire.  That does not work here anymore.  I have too many day to day tasks that must get done.  For a bit now I’ve struggled with getting everything accomplished or done on a regular basis to my man’s satisfaction. So, now we are getting to the point that he is requiring changes.  That he is asserting his HOH dominance.  The other day, I was spanked prior to being asked for the list to be written and done.  Why, because he knew he had my full attention, over his lap.  The follow through is very important here.  This is new territory for us.  I believe he is leaning towards the list as a spankable offense.  Okay, I know for a fact he is most definitely looking at that possibility.  I think that’s a bit hasty on his part, but as he is finding, I respond well to a spanking to reinforce his desires for our family.  

So, I have consented to this and we have agreed on times I’m allowed on the computer as he feels and I agree it is my largest source of distraction right now.  Nope, I'm not blaming any of you for this, just realizing it's eating away at my time.  He is expecting accountability and submission in this area.  I am to write that list and keep it handy.  I am to do my best to stay on track.  If I get things done I can have plenty of time on the computer, but my times will be limited.  



He is not doing this out of spite or anger, folks.  He is simply asserting his right to a happy, peaceful home, where things are accomplished in a timely manner and he can trust that all is well.  It will be helpful to note here that I’m in full agreement, there’s only a little bit of stubbornness and hesitation left.  I have a feeling he will take care of that if I do not let it go soon.


I
(This is advice I needed to hear!)

So, how do you treat your time reading or writing blogs?  How do you keep yourself from losing your whole day to reading or another activity that you enjoy that really should be just for entertainment or a hobby, but you choose to let it rule over your time?  I know this problem is not just limited to us stay at home, busy with kids wives out there.  All of us have things that invade our time in negative ways if they are not kept in their proper place.

Just so everyone is clear here.  I’m happy my man has decided to help me with this issue.  I know it will benefit our family tremendously.  He is giving me a very concrete opportunity to show him submission.  It will not be the easiest thing I have ever done, but it is an area that I need to improve in. So, what's on your list?

--Baker

By the way, we have come up with a schedule of sorts on how to better use my time to blog and that will be the first step in order to ensure the list is done!

23 comments:

  1. Hi Baker, I am a list person but I have no idea how you could stick to one with the amount of children you have! My chores come first because that's how I am. I think sometimes life will get in the way of you completing that list and I hope your husband will make allowances sometimes. As to the reading and blogging I think we are all guilty of doing that too much. I suffer from insomnia so a lot of my reading is done at the dead of night. I do have a couple of sort of set times to blog though. My hubby is generally okay with whenever I am on the computer, at least I am not pestering him to entertain me!
    Hope you get sorted
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Hi, Jan,
      My man is very understanding, which is why he has tried other ways to help me in the past. I believe he is just getting at his wit's end with me right now due to my stubbornness. He is also wanting me to follow through and make the kids are doing their part and not just me caring the burden of the housework. It's complicated, but I think the biggest issue is that I need to submit and do my best to follow through on things he has asked me to do. I giggled at the fact that John is just happy he doesn't have to entertain you. LOL!
      --Baker

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  2. I am not a list fan either...for the same reasons you feel the same way. Problem is they are helpful. I find that if I add a reward, on the list...say every other or every third item it adds incentive. The reward...computer time or watching 1 show on my to watch list or...whatever.
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi, Abby,
      Your suggestion of a reward is very helpful. We have put a bit of a scheduled time in place, so hoping that will help me stay on task if I see that is a reward. Thanks for understanding the reasoning behind the list, I was hoping it made sense.
      --Baker

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  3. Hi Baker,

    I appreciate your blog and your willingness to share your life and how domestic discipline works for you and your husband. My wife and I have lived this way for 22 years.

    I am glad to see that your husband has decided to help you with keeping lists and completing your tasks. It sounds to me like the internet has become enough of a distraction for you that he might consider setting limits to your internet use. If you are using a Windows computer this site explains some tools he can use to enforce it https://account.microsoft.com/family/about. If necessary, He can do similar things on your phone or tablet. These tools allow him to set reasonable limits on your daily internet usage. He could also limit the times during the week that you are allowed to be online. Another benefit of this is that when you neglect your duties, in addition to a spanking, your HOH can turn off your internet completely for a period of time.

    We wish you and your husband well and look forward to seeing how you progress with this issue.

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    1. Hi, Epaster,
      Glad you stopped in and left a comment. I am in the hoping and praying that I can comply with this request. My husband is a fair man and I believe he is totally right to help me in this area, but it will be hard. I am still struggling with being stubborn when I should be submissive. I hope it does not come to the loss of privilege with the internet.

      --Baker

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  4. Hi Baker, oh gosh,I think this is something many of us struggle with, particularly the balance between online and blog time and getting other things accomplished. I know I certainly struggled with it, and still do. I would stay up far too late catching up on blogs instead of sleeping when I had to get up for work the next day. Rick has in the past imposed short internet bans.

    As for lists,I sometimes use them, both at home and work and do find them helpful, but it's not a regular thing. If course, as you say, the trick is to refer to and follow the list lol.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Yes, Roz, the follow up is the hardest part. I am going to make my best effort to comply with the list making and the following of said list part this week and see how it goes. Hope things are settling down well in your neck of the woods!
      --Baker

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  5. I like making lists, but it's just for me to remember things. When I need to get a Fantasy Friday ready or a Saturday Spanking post, it goes on the list. I also used to put things like take shower and take kids to school - things I knew would happen anyway, but I did love checking them off the list.

    When I first discovered blogs I was totally and completely obsessed. It was almost a sickness and Nick thought the computer was permanently attached to my lap. My case is not normal - I don't do anything at home. Almost no cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work - Nick does it all. People think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. It's just the way things have developed. Although I do remember him hiding my laptop under the clean laundry once so I'd fold my stuff and put it away.

    Thank you so much for the shout out about Cassie. I'm so glad you like her. Now I don't want to get you in any trouble, but I do have a new book coming out a few days after Christmas. Keep that list caught up so you'll have time for it.

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    1. Thanks, PK, for your sound advice. I am hoping and praying I can focus on the positive and get back into the groove of making a list and keeping off the computer. We've worked together to figure out times that we both feel give me plenty of time to do the things I like to do without neglecting things of importance. I also have been assured that he is not looking to control my day, just help me sort out how to manage things and accomplish things that need to be done. I am most definitely looking forward to reading your new book and seeing we will be on Christmas break I'm crossing my fingers that I will have the time to read it.
      --Baker

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  6. Hey Baker...I think everyone struggles with balance when they first start blogging. I find that lists are necessary for me...otherwise I end up overwhelmed with nothing accomplished. once I make my list, I then number it in order of priority. Really gives me a sense of accomplishment every time a draw a line through a task. If I find that I have to do something not on the list, I add it and then cross through it when done so I'm not looking at an incomplete list at the end of the day with no idea of how it got that way. The list also helps if your children can help out...you have everything laid out and it's easy to run down the list and hand out an assignment.

    The other thing I do is reward myself after a large or several small tasks are completed with doing something I want. But...it it's reading a book or surfing the net or watching a program, I set a timer on my phone and when that timer goes off, I get back to my tasks. Does feel awfully good at the end of the day. Good luck.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi, Cat,
      When I worked outside the house it was no problem. Lists kept me sane at a very demanding job. When we married and shortly after I began staying home, well, list fell by the wayside. As the kids are getting older and demands are becoming more frequent I need to be more efficient and less distracted. I appreciate your suggestions and words of encouragement.
      --Baker

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  7. I'm an 'and then' girl, or as you call them rabbit trails too. I make lists - grocery lists and when I get to the store, I play a game. The game is trying to remember what is on the list because it's usually not with me.
    When I worked I was organized and knew what had to get done - it was always a mental list of sorts. I had to keep track of a CEO and the employees who answered to me. At home, if it got done great, if it didn't and it bothered Ray then he did it.
    Obviously, I have no advice to give you on list/no list. Good luck though.

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    1. That's very funny, Leigh,
      I always have a mental list going, but if I do not feel the pressure to get things done the rabbit trails, well, they just keep my interest going. I'm working on it though.

      --Baker

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  8. Baker, I am also a compulsive list maker. I can actually get in hot water by making lists for Sam. I usually insist that I have everything done before I sit down at the computer. I am the same way at work. Don't think I am the one to help you with this.

    I will heartily agree on the Cassie books, though!

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. Hi, Ella,
      It's alright, the list things will come, I just need to give up control and do it. I used to make list every day at work and follow them. I had a very high pressure job and needed that structure with deadlines and demands. At home there are rarely hard deadlines and I believe that has caused the organization to fall by the wayside.
      --Baker

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  9. I love your posts! They always make me laugh!
    I am the type of person that has to have a daily to- do list or I simply cannot function so it's hard for me to relate to not needing one, or at least not wanting to need one, I guess is more accurate??
    But it sounds like your husband has a very valid concern and I love how mature you handle your thoughts on submitting to him in this.
    It is so hard not to get distracted by blogging, facebook, and reading. I don't usually read other peoples blogs simply because I don't have a lot of time to do so. But still, I have struggled with being much too distracted by my phone to the point that I wasn't giving my all to my tasks and winding up in trouble over it.
    Some things we did... I began putting my phone down when I didn't need it- keeping it in my purse at work and checking only during lunch breaks, leaving it down at home until all my work was done and then checking messages briefly before beginning my writing.
    Just recently I I went as far as to remove the icons for facebook, messenger, and my blog from it so that I have to be on my laptop in order to check these things and although it's not easy it helps!
    Good luck!!

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    1. Hi, Lynne,
      I am working on that list and did okay today. I would not say I'm handling things as maturely as I would like, but I am definitely trying.
      --Baker

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  10. Baker.. I have to agree here "lists" are not my thing as I have lived my life for many years with a regimented lifestyle and the need to maintain lists and check off's all work related. Now that I am retired and in our own business, I still keep lists just so I stay on track, but if it were to be suggested to me to do so, I would probably fail and see it as a very controlling situation. Reading blogs and responding does take time, and initially I had this problem as well. I had to figure out when I needed to back down and make sure that my priorities were in place which is why there are times when I am on a roll, and then there are times when I just can't find the time to read or post on my own blog. It is a fine line for sure, and respectfully, if it is important enough to your man, then I would do my best to meet his expectations. I am sure sooner or later you both will find a happy medium to this request.

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    1. Annabelle,
      Your words were very helpful. I do struggle to find a happy medium, but hope to find it soon enough. Thanks!
      --Baker

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  11. Baker I found when I first came across blogland I was on here way too much. So I decided to limit myself by making sure all the house was clean and everything done each day. Then I can relax reading or writing.

    Good luck with your lists and submitting.

    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Thank you, Lindy, I appreciate the advice. It is something we are definitely working on and learning from.
      --Baker

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  12. Hi, I am a list maker. I find it helps me to organize and remember the things that need to get to done as well as the things I want to accomplish. I include the day to day tasks, the fun activities I want to complete, and even naps. :-) I don't go in order and when not all get done in a day then I continue the next day and find satisfaction crossing them out when they are done. As for reading and writing here, yes, when I first began I could not stop - I needed to read and read a lot...now finding more balance so I can be a part of both of my worlds. :-) Good luck with your list making. Hugs

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