I was already planning to do this on my own, but my sweet man decided to help me. Let me lay out yesterday for you.
Yesterday was spent away from home with two separate sets of,Christmases with the in-laws. We spent time with my mother in law and then with my father in law and step mother in law. All went very well. Yes, I was able to successfully enjoy my in-laws (including my sister in laws that I'd struggled with right before Thanksgiving) and my man was pleased. All was going very well until the trip home. I was reading and he was driving. He was tired and wanted to engage in conversation the last while of our drive to help him stay awake and focused. I put my phone down and he asked about the schedule for the week. He asked for a pen and paper. I said I had none and I felt my hackles rise up. He handed me his phone in which to take notes on. I was already groaning on the inside.
My attitude began to appear. I sighed, gave a dirty look and went quiet. Um, I will admit right here is where the switch was flipped, in both of us. I should have stopped right then and there and put my submissive role as his wife to good use. I did not. This was to help him get through the drive home, not necessarily to engage in the huge issue it became simply because I was not in the mood to talk or discuss anything.
I did not want to spend the last of the drive home writing a list. I wanted to read a book. I went from being a submissive wife wanting to work together to keep him awake to a complete and utter grouch. He had no choice, but to deal with the wife at hand and went into full HOH mode. Woe to the wife who stood in his way. The stern voice came out and I was to listen. When I tried to argue (yes, I know, not a bright move on my part) he began to lecture. Our children thankfully were either sleeping or plugged into their devices of entertainment in the back seats. The lecture was not for their ears anyway, but for mine and mine only. When the attitude that I had copped did not dissipate he became silent. Then, in what I will describe as a barely audible growl, I was told that we would discuss this at home in T minus 20 minutes. I decided that silence was better than trying to argue my way out of things. Had I not already made things difficult enough for myself with all of the glares, sighs and arguing already? Instead I sat and contemplated how I again got into this situation with my sweet man. Things had been going along, so well all day. Why did I not choose my words carefully or still my grumblings before it became an issue? I know I need help keeping on target when it comes to cleaning. Those flip flops of the tummy began and I thought hard on a way out of this mess, but my words and expressions had already sealed my fate.
We arrived home and he quietly told me to make sure everyone was settled and I was to come to him quickly afterwards. I tried hard to get everyone to sit and watch a movie upstairs far away from our room. Once everyone was reasonably situated I went to him. I locked our door and joined him on the bed. There was discussion on my disrespectful attitude was unacceptable. Also, how I was to comply with making a list for this week, so things could be accomplished in a timely manner.. Yes, I know, I've already told you my detest for lists. He wanted the list written out, so it would be easier for me to follow and for him to lend encouragement when I became frustrated. I knew I needed his help to stay focused and a list does that well for me. I was reminded of what I said I wanted and needed to accomplish for the rest of the week. These are things I had told him I needed to get done, but he wanted it written out.
I do not like this part of things. I needed it detailed and written in a way that I would not easily become overwhelmed. My attitude was not helpful here. Again with the list I think in my head and it shows on my face, for that I am certain. He did not appreciate my attitude. I was spanked quite soundly once this was said. He knew I needed help in this area as it is much easier for me to sit and read all day long with only minor accomplishments made, especially if there is no pressing deadline to meet. This is to be a week of major accomplishments so we begin our new year ready for all the busyness that comes with a large family.
I do not like this part of things. I needed it detailed and written in a way that I would not easily become overwhelmed. My attitude was not helpful here. Again with the list I think in my head and it shows on my face, for that I am certain. He did not appreciate my attitude. I was spanked quite soundly once this was said. He knew I needed help in this area as it is much easier for me to sit and read all day long with only minor accomplishments made, especially if there is no pressing deadline to meet. This is to be a week of major accomplishments so we begin our new year ready for all the busyness that comes with a large family.
I have listened well and the list was wrote last evening. I have been working steadily on the list today.
I love that he is very willing to help me in this area. Before ttwd/dd I would have simply ignored his help. I would have plugged along at my own pace doing things slowly and not completed the whole task. I have been known to leave things on the back burner so to speak for ages. I have been effectively listening to my sweet man. I am making progress and in this progress we are growing closer together.
--Baker
I am glad to hear all of your Christmas festivities with your in laws went well🎄 That is so nice... I'm sorry that your dislike of lists landed you in the hot seat though😳 I know I find it difficult to get back on track after the holidays and I'm sure many lists will be written before the new year rings in!
ReplyDeleteI hope tomorrow is a success with your freshly written list ☺️
Thanks for your understanding words, Leigh. I am hoping my lists become a habit and I can get into the routine of utilizing them again. When I worked I constantly kept a running list, but after so many years of being home that habit seems hard to recover. Not sure why, just is what it is. Hope your list making is going better than mine.
Delete--Baker
Hi Baker, I'm glad the festivities with the in laws went well and that everyone had a enjoyable time.
ReplyDeleteThe Christmas holidays is when I get into full deep cleaning mode, I hate the process but love the feeling of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sorry you ended up, um, up ended (couldn't help myself lol) over the list. I know you detest lists, I don't use them often but do find them helpful.
Glad hubby is willing to help you reach your goals. Good luck with getting through the list.
Hugs
Roz
Hi, Roz,
DeleteYup, upended is right, lol. I had a giggle at your pun, even if the up ending was not a fun one. I like the results of deep cleaning too, but with kids it's two steps forward one step back. I'll get there though. Just takes longer with everyone under foot. Some trying to help, some clinging to things they don't want to get rid of, and others just in the way when I'm trying to clean. I was scrubbing the floor at the bottom of the stairs yesterday and gave fair warning not to come down the stairs. I'm not joking when I say that a few of them made the trek downstairs through the freshly washed floor anyway. Kids, gotta love them.
Glad your Christmas was happy and that you're getting deep cleaning done as well.
--Baker
I have such a love/hate relationship with lists. I hope yours proves to be great and not too difficult to adjust to! I love that dd makes us accept their help where we once wouldn't have because, shhh, their ideas are often pretty great.
ReplyDeleteOh, but you hit the nail on the head there, S. Maybe I'm not fighting the list as much as the the help. I'll have to give that some thought. Yes, their ideas are excellent, if we can get psst ourselves and see that, but I fight for control over these kind of things. It doesn't make logical sense to me when I step back and realize it, but in the moment, well, I don't always make the best decisions. Just stubborn I guess.
Delete--Baker
I need to put "Quit Eating Junk" at the top of my after Christmas list!
ReplyDeleteAnother way to approach menial tasks is to have your husband put separate Post-it Notes on the fridge. You can choose the order in which they are done.
Ella
Lol, Ella, I need that at the top of my list too. Going low carb again starting next week. Have to get through New Year's first. I love your visual reminder on the fridge. I've never thought of something like that, less threatening or overwhelming when you can pick off one task at a time. You are brillant! Such a great idea. Loving it!
Delete--Baker
When your list is finished at your house, you're welcome to come to mine.
ReplyDeleteLol, Leigh,
DeleteI'll give that one some thought. Are you some place a bit warmer and with tons of sunshine? Might be a nice break from the kiddos.
--Baker
right now I am keeping my list short and just enjoying being lazy with the kids :-) it will be back to busy soon enough!
ReplyDeleteThat's sounds like loads of fun! I agree things will be back in full swing too soon, enjoy the downtime while it lasts.
Delete--Baker
Oh i know the damn switch ^^. And the feeling short after it flipped. I'm planning to write lists for my cleaning, because i am so untidy. I hope my husband "helps" me to work it. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you get it, Bibi! Yup, I'm hoping that lists become second nature and soon. Good luck on making and following those lists!
Delete--Baker